...to be hurt by not being asked to be bridesmaid?

[BridesNayed]

I sort of know that I am. But I'm very upset (currently in 2ww so hoping some of this is early preg symptoms).

Friend A is getting married. For 20 years (since start of high school) my friendship group has been a fivesome (including me). Friend A has asked B, C and D to be her bridesmaids (as well as sister and cousin) and not me. I know it's totally U to have any expectation of being a BM but I'm very hurt that she chose the other three and not me because in my eyes, we're all equal friends. If anything, A sees B and C a little bit more often because they live in the same city, but hasn't seen D for 6 months and told me last month that she wasn't that close to D at the moment since an extremely drunken argument between A and D at another wedding last autumn which resulted in D hitting A. I see her approx once a month because I am often in her city for work. I would say we are very close.

It's so stupid I know, but I can't help but reconsider the whole of our friendship. I'm absolutely gutted that she doesn't consider me a close enough friend compared to the others.

DH reckons I should ask her why she didn't pick me. I think this is a ridiculous idea because it's not about me. I know I can't say anything because it's her bride prerogative to have who she wants, but sucking it up and grinning is really hard and I just wanted to know if the general consensus was that these feelings are unreasonable or not.

I think in light of your evening out and it SEEMS that all your friends are colluding.. I would seriously consider speaking to bride direct... Yes, you probably wont like the answer, but do you seriously want to continue your friendship if she is treating you with such disdain??

To me

Either she has genuinely forgotten to ask you for some other major role at her wedding?

OR

She intentionally has left you out and has managed to inviegle your friends to collude... Which sounds utter crap - really sorry if it's this case...

If this is the case-how did she honestly expect you to react- just suck it up??

If its anything other than option 1- i would seriously reconsider attending... Sorry

If she asks you to do any jobs, just remember to say no.

I have no advice to add. I feel so disappointed for you OP.

When is the wedding?

go into labour at the ceremony / reception

Op I seriously hope you survived the evening ok.

I think it likely this is to do with fact you didn't have her as bm. The fact that she hasn't spoken with you about it and worse has seemingly turned the rest of them mute around the whole topic creating horrible awkwardness and divide would be the end for me.

I had no bridesmaids at all to avoid this whole debarcle. I have the feeling your friend is the jealous/competitive type who doesn't want a pregnant bridesmaid and would resent the fact you beat her to parenthood.
Good luck with everything.

I would rather have root canal treatment than be a bridesmaid.

Op is obviously and quite rightly hurt that she was the only one out of a very old and close friendship group not asked to be BM. Bride knows the friendship is fucked now because of her actions, op might as well for her own peace of mind ask her why she was the only one not chosen, is there anything she has done wrong etc. how can you miss op out, usually there is careful thinking behind choosing BM, it's nit like picking washing off a line, it is no mistake, this was a snub. At the wedding date, be busy and not go. I personally could not, it woukd rub my face right in it, seeing all our friends together smiling in photos whilst I'm like any other guest.

Wow

Your friends sound like twats

I concur with the poster who said you must be significantly better looking than them and that's why Bridezilla is excluding you from her Speshul Day

Yup, agree you are clearly much better looking than the bride. Sad for you though. Fuck 'em.

that is very hurtful. i would probably distance myself for a while, but since she's clearly told everyone not to talk about the wedding, she's trying to lessen the pain. see how it goes, i would be upset too.

MORNING OP (hope the head is ok after the Prosecco )

It's an utter shitter what she's done.

Just red the thread and YADNBU!!! And it does look like they have agreed to keep quiet

Hope the rest of the evening gave you answers. Was DH's kebab tummy deployed??

'Read'

Shamelessly place marking after reading thread.

C'mon OP don't keep us hanging!

Hope you are ok this morning OP

Any updates OP?

.

placemarking

any news op?
I read the whole thread and don't think I could have gone if I was in your shoes. especially when she obviously 'prewarned' everybody else. if it was me, the friendship would be over.

I'm in a similar friendship group and when one of us got married recently she only picked one friend from our group to be her BM.

But that was fine because before she told the chosen friend, she ran it past me and the other friend she hadn't picked. She explained her reasons (which were perfectly reasonable) and asked us if we were okay with her decision. Which we were, of course.

Everything was fine because my friend handled it in the right way. She was considerate of our feelings and made sure no one felt left out.

I don't see why the bride in OP's situation couldn't have done the same. It just seems like a pointed snub otherwise.

Are they not going to talk about it from now and until the wedding? So every time you see them it's a banned subject? It's totally ridiculous and such a snub.

Exactly, the way bride handled it was disgusting. I am alright jack, sod op he can find out from Facebook. Just shows how little she thinks of you.

If nothing was said the whole evening, then it sounds like they've definitely done this deliberately. The whole group (bride and bridesmaids) are behaving like bitchy schoolgirls. They aren't your friends if this is the case. Friends do not behave like that.

I'm guessing op is recovering from the prosecco now.

Any update?