AIBU to tell people 'house rules' before they come & stay?

[MirandaGoshawk]

I want them to enjoy their stay and I want to enjoy having them, but am a bit anal about some things - three spring to mind that have been a problem in the past:

1. The (newish) carpet in the bedroom - I can't bear outdoor shoes in there. Wet mud was dragged through
2. Putting the loo seat down. We can see through to the downstairs loo when eating in the kitchen and it drives me nuts if the seat is up. My lot are trained but visitors do it.
3. Putting mugs down on the polished dining table when there are coasters available which has also happened in the past.

So WIBU to tell them by email or phone before they come? Or should I wait until they get here? Make it a House Rules thing or just an off-hand request to the adults? Or not say anything and just seethe?

I don't want to get into the whys and wherefores of shoes off/on or loo seat up/down as they have been done to death on MN & they are a matter of preference, it's just whether or how I say anything.

TIA

I'm borderline OCD about my house ,especially as we've done loads of work on it and spent a fortune on new stuff but no way would I send an email.How rude and unwelcoming.I try to bite my tongue about what in the great scheme of life are small things and remind myself people are more important than places.Certainly wouldn't mention the loo seat.That just one of those things some people do.After 30 bloody years my DH still forgets to put it down.Coasters I would just cheerily hand one out and say 'I'll give you these if you don't mind because I didn't realise how easily this furniture marks till I put a hot drink down and had it have it repaired !'
Carpet - I wouldn't great them at the door with instructions,but make them very welcome,offer a drink ,put bags in hall and chat and then show them their room and add a cheery ' oh I hope you don't mind we are no shoes house in the bedrooms '.Then I would get a glass of wine ,relax, and enjoy their company.

Write the house rules on a large piece of paper and stick them on the fridge?

Have the last few posters read the OP's latest posts I wonder?

sorry if a bit gross at quarter to nine in the morning, but if one flushes with the loo seat down, how can one tell that no, er, evidence remains of one's having been? You'd have to flush with seat down and then open it up again, presumably, and then close it again.

I'd probably get my kids to mention it. Something like oh oh you need to use a coaster, put the loo seat down, take of your shoes or mum goes mad. Somehow sounds less judgemental coming from a child.

It sounds really relaxed and welcoming at your house.

I honestly think I'd rather have the email in advance. You can send it in a self-deprecating tone about your own house uptightness. Those are pretty small things to remember (true that they may not remember), not unreasonable to ask.

Maybe I say that because I'm an oblivious slob so I need things spelled out for me, so much better to be clear on household habits than to end up causing resentment.

I've read the thread, and your email and I think I got the joke. What happened with the bottles of water in the bed ?

If they're really the kind of guests who would wear muddy shoes into the carpeted bedroom (that's extremely lacking in self-awareness, isn't it?) then I would not faff about and just ask them not do it again (in person).

I could cope easily with guests not using a coaster or putting the loo seat down, and I suspect that these two requests might not be received. I would find it impossible to remember to use a coaster, because I wander around with all my drinks.

well-received.

I would say that guests who don't ask for a coaster aren't likely to pick up on hints. Deliver drinks to them with the cup in one hand and the coaster in the other and on no account let them make their own drinks.

To those of you who have not RTFT: please read my post of Weds 15th July at 16.01 in which I accepted the advice I'd been given.

Also, having not RTFT, N.B that these guests have been before. Last time they misbehaved (mud/mark on table). But I want them to come back.

I am better at writing than at social situations (hence asking for advice) so, to amuse and entertain you all, I composed a pretend email (at 17.34) that I did not send, exaggerating my foibles and adding in some new ones, e.g. fussing about parking.

I thought, If I am such a PITA, why would people want to come and stay? So I invented the view of the cricket. Geddit??

I don't need any more advice, thanks.

Re the bottles of water in the bed - someone told me that they'd been asked for a water bottle and gave a bottle of mineral water but what the person wanted was a hot water bottle (it was summer so perhaps an understandable mistake). So I used this - more artistic licence!

This has been one of the funniest thread I have read for ages and I don't want it to end. Can we not continue with our own house rules.

Mine would be no-one in the kitchen while I am cooking and no help in the kitchen required after the meal.
and PLEASE don't start up a second conversation with me when someone else is speaking.

I hope you are laughing with me and not at me, florentina

Yes, I'd like to hear some other bonkers house rules, so I know I'm not alone

BTW my mother never let anyone in the kitchen while she cooked. So she never taught me to cook but I would agree with 'keep out of my bloody way while I'm cooking!'

I hate this trend at dinner parties of guests perched around the island to keep me company as I cook. It seriously stresses me out. Please stay in the dining room, I'll let you know when it's time to eat.

horrible science, obviously a very reputable scientific source, informed us that loo seat up = spray goes up short distance, loo seat down = spray is forced thro the gap between seat and loo and therefore comes out at great force over a wide distance. and you keep your loo door open next to the diner! bleurgh!

enjoyed the thread anyway

Definitely was not laughing at you. I did not respond originally because I did not think you were being unreasonable. Your funny spoof email made me laugh out loud, and then I laughed even louder at those advising you not to send it.

We never have guest to stay, they would send my OH into a spiral of despair

Except the Gks who are allowed to jump all over him, make a mess, and stop him watching the football and cricket. The latter causing ???? amongst the kids as they were not allowed.

Emoji fail that was supposed to be a shocked face.

I had to read that twice to understand that it was grand kids who are allowed to jump all over the other half & stop him watching cricket, rather than the Greeks.

He he he.

Do you actually want to be hospitable? If not then send the email!!

If I was on the receiving end of such email, I would:

a) feel really uncomfortable in your house the whole time that I was there, and be scared about doing something wrong (even though I have good manners and know how to behave!)

b) not come to your house.

Your choice.

Regardless of whether toilet-flushing sprays germs or not, I don't think there's any reliable way of ensuring guests close the lid before they flush
I'm a bit OCD about hygiene too, but I get round this by giving everything in guest-bathroom a good wipe down with Dettol when they've gone, and I mop the floor before I walk on it barefoot. Thinking about it I also Dettol all the door handles and towel rails when guests leave!

me too . I sprint into the loo before the guest's car has left the drive to change the hand towel. Sadly we do not have an isolation zone guest bathroom.

Miranda, yes my mother had the kitchen door firmly closed all the time. When I went to university her sole piece of advice was, "Cover the element when you boil the kettle." Dsis and I lament that she never passed on how to make a delicious roast dinner with really proper gravy. My roast dinners are pants.

Your lot are trained ? Are the dogs ?

I think YABU

Aggh ,, they not the !

Actually you are NBU re shoes , ,forgot to mention that.

Bertrand , when my Auntie and Uncle moved to Croydon in early 70s they had a bathroom off the kitchen (Auntie put a curtain up) until they renovated some years later, . Toilet was out of garden door and beside said door was loo