AIBU to tell people 'house rules' before they come & stay?

[MirandaGoshawk]

I want them to enjoy their stay and I want to enjoy having them, but am a bit anal about some things - three spring to mind that have been a problem in the past:

1. The (newish) carpet in the bedroom - I can't bear outdoor shoes in there. Wet mud was dragged through
2. Putting the loo seat down. We can see through to the downstairs loo when eating in the kitchen and it drives me nuts if the seat is up. My lot are trained but visitors do it.
3. Putting mugs down on the polished dining table when there are coasters available which has also happened in the past.

So WIBU to tell them by email or phone before they come? Or should I wait until they get here? Make it a House Rules thing or just an off-hand request to the adults? Or not say anything and just seethe?

I don't want to get into the whys and wherefores of shoes off/on or loo seat up/down as they have been done to death on MN & they are a matter of preference, it's just whether or how I say anything.

TIA

Hmmmmm, yes I think people may realise that. Still don't want to be facing a bog when tucking into my dinner though.

Uncertain - yes!

Good lord no!

Part of being a good hostess is making people feel comfortable. I'd never point out any of your rules. I'd be mortified if you told me to put the loo lid down, we leave it up and that's quite normal I think.

OP, may I just say you have taken a lot of negative comments that in some cases veered almost towards abusive with pretty good grace and even some humour. Well done.

Though I don't in all honesty share your concerns, I agree with the general thrust of the advice - don't send the e-mail; ask guests politely to remove their shoes on entering the house; close the loo door; and make sure there are coasters available and very visible and, if necessary, ask guests to use them - but you know already what you must do. Hope you all have a good time.

YANBU. Your house, it's entirely up to you. I tell people how I like things done, if they don't like it they can piss off

I have a friend who had a spate of having people to stay, including some friends who were more my friends than hers, but she kindly put them up.

When she told me all the things that they'd all done to infringe the rules she has in her head about staying in other people's houses, it really made me so much less relaxed about even going round for a cup of tea in case I did something wrong.

Not opening the curtains in the spare room in the morning, or airing the bed, not closing the spare room door during the day, leaving a water glass in there all day, leaving their suitcase open on the floor....there were other weirder ones that may come back to me.

She didn't say any of these out loud to the guests, but must have been sitting there inwardly aghast at all the infringements.

Hooray, a lovely OP who has taken the comments on board gracefully. Enjoy your house guests OP (fingers crossed they take their shoes off, use the coasters and shut the loo door....)

It's fine to have house-rules but IMO it's best to gently mention them if/when issues arise rather than emailing ahead.

We have a rule that all guests remove shoes in hall, we offer them slippers on arrival. Our furniture is quite old so we're not fussy about coasters, though if I had a new table I'd probably cover it with a cloth and mats just in case. Many people don't use coasters and it's easy to get out of the habit if you don't use them at home. About the toilet, just keep closing the door if they leave it open. It irritates me when people leave bathroom doors wide open but they usually get the hint if they see you close it a few times. No need to embarrass them by making a big deal out of it.

I think key to enjoying guests and being a good host is to have a few firm rules (like no shoes indoors) but relax about other things provided they're not damaging anything. I have a friend who is very messy... but I enjoy her company so when she stays I've learnt to take a deep breath and chill, though I do try and pre-empt mess (like offering her a plate if she's eating toast without one and providing a bin in every room to encourage her not to leave tissues and sweet wrappers lying around!)
I find it helps to make cleaning products accessible too, so if someone has a spillage or makes a mess they can clean it up without feeling awkward.

OK gang, thanks for all the advice. We've sorted out the dates and here is the email that I have NOT sent to her. Hope you think its appropriate!

Hiya!
OK so we’ll see you next Wednesday, which yes, you are correct, is the day before the cricket starts. If, on arrival, you could park over on the left, that’d be great. Also make sure you shut both gates because Poppy gets out. She is still a bit mad but you’ll be glad to hear that we’ve almost cured her of jumping on peoples’ heads when they’re sitting down so I hope your Raegun won’t be quite so upset this time.

Also, I nearly forgot – let me know about which type of water bottles you want and we won’t have a repeat of the Volvic in the beds thing.
I’ve put the hoover in your room, just in case Torquil leaves his shoes on in the bedroom. You know we’re fairly lax on hoovering etc, (I know you are too!) and I like to leave my guests to sort themselves out so I know you won’t mind just giving it a quick once-over now & then.

We’ve made a few changes to the house since you were here! Changed the doors on both the kitchen and the downstairs loo. They are now clear glass, so we can have the doors shut but let the light in. Great idea, eh? We have to avoid using that loo when there’s someone else in the house, or when someone is likely to go past the loo window, but it does get round the lighting problem.

There’s just one thing I’d like to ask – will you get Torquil to leave that yellow & black striped jumper at home? I know it’s a silly little thing and I don’t really mind what people wear of course – we’re very laid back, as you know - but I get migraines. Also the Hawaiian shirt. Ta muchly!

I know you’re not that fussed about the cricket but I’ve put you in the same room as before, as you requested, which has the fantastic view over the Oval. I just hope you’re not laid up in your room all the time with a bug. Like last time and the time before that. Such rotten luck. I’m sure it wasn’t the food but to be sure, I’ll keep it simple. Hope everyone likes spaghetti hoops!

There are a couple of other points but they are very minor so I won’t bother writing them down. Will just casually mention them when you arrive.

We’re going to have so much fun! Can't wait!
Ciao
Randi

I'd cancel if I got that email.Sorry.

I have know idea if that email was what you planned to send or you've written it in jest why would you waste time doing that and please say the bit about the glass door in the loo is a joke too

Whatever you do - don't press send.

Torquil?

Love it Miranda

Genius OP!!

Loving your sense of humour, Miranda, particularly like the glass door concept!

Everything I wanted to say has been said already. You can send the email but it will be remembered and mentioned behind your back forever more. I have a friend who wouldn't let anyone lie on her couch just in case the pillows got messed up. If it looked like you were getting too comfy you'd get a lecture about couch cushion scenarios. She once even his them during a birthday party. In regards to the light issue see about installing frosted glass in the top part of the door. Door stays closed. Light is all around.

Yabu. Having house guests is a compromise. Grin and bear it is best to avoid making the feeling unwelcome.

Love it, OP and I double donkey dare you to send it

Haven't read the full thread but for your own peace of mind get a door closer for the loo door. Problem solved.

But Gold, sadly we don't have a bedroom that overlooks the Oval

- OP - very good.

I think the poster underneath yours probably didn't get the joke!

That's MN for you!

Unless the whole thread was a wind up then - no - I didn't get the joke!