AIBU to tell people 'house rules' before they come & stay?

[MirandaGoshawk]

I want them to enjoy their stay and I want to enjoy having them, but am a bit anal about some things - three spring to mind that have been a problem in the past:

1. The (newish) carpet in the bedroom - I can't bear outdoor shoes in there. Wet mud was dragged through
2. Putting the loo seat down. We can see through to the downstairs loo when eating in the kitchen and it drives me nuts if the seat is up. My lot are trained but visitors do it.
3. Putting mugs down on the polished dining table when there are coasters available which has also happened in the past.

So WIBU to tell them by email or phone before they come? Or should I wait until they get here? Make it a House Rules thing or just an off-hand request to the adults? Or not say anything and just seethe?

I don't want to get into the whys and wherefores of shoes off/on or loo seat up/down as they have been done to death on MN & they are a matter of preference, it's just whether or how I say anything.

TIA

nursery when you said "we" I assume you meant "someone"

I honestly haven't a clue what you're talking about Bit???

I don't know what [dinner] is, sorry!

Op, this thread is making me laugh, particularly your last "glimpse of the bog" post which I cross posted with...thank you

Yes, I'm glad I asked. And yes, I will try to unclench. It will be good for my blood pressure .

I am going to do as you suggest, just 'mention in passing' about prefer not outdoor shoes upstairs, and put coasters down on the table with the drinks. Then I am going to pour us all a large G&T, mine being the biggest, and try to forget about the pissing bog.

Thank you all.

I do usually take shoes off in my house where I can put something else on but really dislike it when I am asked to do this in someone else's house in certain situations and would never do it to visitors to my house. There are such things as carpet cleaners. Or wood floors.

I have a friend who always asks me to take my shoes off in his house (despite the muddy dog scurrying around) and it's ok in winter with tights on but I don't like being there with bare feet and it doesn't feel like the way to treat guests.

Good plan OP!

sorry I missed that this was about shoes upstairs. So are casual visitors who just come into the living room allowed to keep shoes on?

Purple - putting the light on is a sensible solution. I don't like lights on in the daytime but it's preferable to leaving the door open, yes.

I don't agree that leaving the loo seat up is 'harmless'. Apparently when you flush, water with urine droplets (or worse!) is thrown up to six feet away and gets onto towels, toothbrushes etc.

It's the lid you need down then, not just the seat.

"Ignore the piss particulates - they're only doing it for the attention anyway." Oh that made me snort. Should I worry about snot particulants

nursery I have never in my long experience of fitting door furniture (it's part of my job!) encountered any DIYer who considers removing, modifying and replacing a door to be a "just" kind of job. That's all. Nothing sinister. Just that's it's not as easy as it seems

I'm just glad, OP, that no-one has mentioned to you that smells are particulate. I suspect that that would have been too much for you.

We didn't have to replace a door. It was a very simple job.

Anyhow, as you stated earlier, this is a rather dull subject (not to mention dragging thread off topic).

OP, glad you've decided not to send the email.

If I was staying in someone's house I'd definitely close the door when I'd been to the loo particularly if it was near the kitchen. op made it sound like there was no door, visions of guests sitting on the loo with door open having a chat with you

don't say anything unless situation arises. fair enough about carpet.

Snot particulates are much more benign Bit. Some might say lazy. They prefer to land on and stick to furniture surfaces where they can hibernate for up to 100 years.

I think you should send the email, but that's only because I'll be waiting for a thread to appear on here about a finicky host who sent the OP a list of rules before visiting... ;)

I didn't say you had to replace the door as in "get a new door" I meant "replace it after you'd taken it off to modify it with the closer". But really, it doesn't matter it was just a passing comment, not an insult or criticism!

That's reassuring FarFrom...I think!

Quite frankly if anyone phoned or emailed me in advance of a visit to advise me of various house rules I would make sure that would be my last visit. Conversely, I would like to give any guests I have the benefit of the doubt that they have enough manners about them not to offend me during their visit. Finally, if you get into a flap over coasters and toilet seats perhaps it is best not to have guests around at all as I can guarantee they will pick up on your anxieties and feel awkward during their visit.

It's very important Private. That door needs to be closed AT ALL TIMES!

I know private. Sorry! I know it's dull

Seriously? I would feel rather unwelcome if I was sent such an email before a visit. I would also feel mildly insulted that you wouldn't trust me to behave considerately in your home.

Having said that marks on a carpet can always be cleaned as can marks on.a coffee table. I think making people feel welcome and fostering a good friendship with them to be far more important than something as temporary as a dirt mark on a carpet, or a cup ring on a table.

We have off white carpets through out our house and I never ask people to remove shoes. If a mark gets left behind (which is rare) then I clean it after my guests have left.

I would think you odd and uncomfortably uptight I'm afraid.

People know that looking at a loo doesn't make germs jump from it in to your dinner, right??

this sounds like the Dentons from the League of Gentlemen: do you keep toads?