AIBU to tell people 'house rules' before they come & stay?

[MirandaGoshawk]

I want them to enjoy their stay and I want to enjoy having them, but am a bit anal about some things - three spring to mind that have been a problem in the past:

1. The (newish) carpet in the bedroom - I can't bear outdoor shoes in there. Wet mud was dragged through
2. Putting the loo seat down. We can see through to the downstairs loo when eating in the kitchen and it drives me nuts if the seat is up. My lot are trained but visitors do it.
3. Putting mugs down on the polished dining table when there are coasters available which has also happened in the past.

So WIBU to tell them by email or phone before they come? Or should I wait until they get here? Make it a House Rules thing or just an off-hand request to the adults? Or not say anything and just seethe?

I don't want to get into the whys and wherefores of shoes off/on or loo seat up/down as they have been done to death on MN & they are a matter of preference, it's just whether or how I say anything.

TIA

The toilet spray issue on flushing.....have you ever actually gotten sick from it? I know the thought of it is gross but really, you can't focus on these thing too much. And if it has no negative effect on your health then its truly not something to freak out about.

cherry I was thinking the same thing, I can't say I ever flush with the loo seat down and in 26 years of being on this planet I don't think it's ever done me any harm...can't remember the last time I had a tummy bug.

If they're so antipathetic, why are you inviting them to stay in the first place ?

OP, all your 3 points are basic manners in someone else's home. Since these particular guests committed these crimes before, I would not have invited them back.

You need to ask them all to remove their shoes when they arrive if they are so rude as to not do it. Tell them you've recently had the light carpets cleaned or something.

I only have people back here if they have not behaved like dirty slobs. Muddy outdoor shoes on a light bedroom carpet = never coming back.

My home represents a lifetimes worth of savings and is my only major asset (apart from my car). Anyone who doesn't respect it can fuck right off.

OP, all your 3 points are basic manners in someone else's home.

I'm not sure the loo thing is. Nor do I expect guests to use coasters. I would in someone else's house if they were there but it wouldn't necessarily occur to me.

If you can't cope with house guests don't have them.

MIL, is that you?

I really can't get over the irony of the OP being obsessed about the toilet seat being up or down whilst being perfectly happy to look at a toilet whist eating.

I'm pretty sure most people find the later much more abhorrent than the former.

It would be funny if these prospective house guests were considering emailing OP to request that, when they visit, she shuts the toilet door prior to meals as they would otherwise seethe about looking at the toilet during meals.

I think an email is a terrible idea but, as you had issues before, I can understand your desire to head off further damage.

To be honest I think if they are close enough that you are prepared to have them stay after your irritation with them last time, then they are close enough for you to just say these things out loud.

Emailing is just avoiding actually saying it face to face. If you really can't say it face to face then you need to just suck up the damage/issues.

honestly if someone sent me a list of house rules before I went to stay with them, I would think they were bonkers, and either not go, or really not enjoy my stay.

Apparently when you flush, water with urine droplets (or worse!) is thrown up to six feet away and gets onto towels, toothbrushes etc .

1. I think that is utter bollocks - where did you hear/read it?
2. Even if it isn't it is astounding that so many of us urine chompers are still alive
3. so it isn't the trauma of seeing the seat up whilst eating (I must agree - looking at toilets while I'm eating whatever their seat position isn't high on my bucket list) - it's actually a fear that the toilet may have been flushed with the seat open and sprayed the whole area with piss and shit? Is that it?

I am also a bit anal about things but I don't think I would email them beforehand. I would probably make light of it when they arrived when the opportunity arose, and ask them if they would mind leaving shoes by the door. The toilet seat thing - can you find a funny ditty on the internet, laminate it or frame it and put it in the loo? My MIL used to have something in her downstairs loo to remind people in a funny jokey way. And as for the coasters - agree with previous posters about handing out coasters with drinks or perhaps a "ooops, would you mind just popping that on a coaster please, this blasted table is terrible for marking easily, wish we'd never bought it" kind of thing? Hope you have a nice time with your guests - try to relax and enjoy it.

DadfromUncle

The aerosol effect of toilet flushing - I'm sure you can google it.

It's probably a real difficulty if you have users with typhoid or Bubonic Plague.

If someone has a 'please don't sprinkle' type notice in there loo it increases the prospect of projectile vomit which is surely more of an issue?
If that gets thrown into the air that would be grim.

Thanks for all your comments/thoughts. The reason I asked for them is that I didn't know if IWBU by warning in advance, etc, so needed advice. My own judgement wrt other people is a bit suspect sometimes, I know.

Re the looking at the loo, it's only a loo . I can cope if the seat is down! But you are right, bearbehind that guests might object. Hadn't thought of that. I will keep the door shut and then I won't know if the seat is down/they won't have to look.

I am going to email re dates but won't mention any requests

thank you hanah for your understanding.

I am not going to start fussing about wiping the seat!

Dad yes, the loo has been flushed with the lid up & sprayed around. Pass the bleach.

Fleecyleesy what an odd attitude. Your house isn't just an "asset" it's your home. Where you live and guests visit.

As for the toilet spraying shit all over your house...I don't know if that's true but I know that many many studes have een done on public toilets and consistently the dirtiest part is the floor so maybe your guests need to take their shoes off there as well

I agree that it seems at odds with your "anal" tendencies that you're happy to eat your dinner looking at the bog

I'm not sure the issue is with dribbles on the seat, more the fact the seat is left up!

Or you could just buy this
www.google.co.uk/search?q=please+put+the+toilet+seat+down+sign&biw=1366&bih=620&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0CAYQ_AUoAWoVChMIupmTjrDdxgIVRFcUCh0-SQIa#imgrc=WBnCY0Ur7o8w3M%3A

We don't eat looking at the bog. It's just that it CAN be glimpsed if both doors are open and you happen to look that way.

I get that you have tolerance issues towards marauding airborne piss particulates and the like OP but really - you gotta unclench!

Just unclench. You'll be so much happier. Enjoy your guests. Ignore the piss particulates - they're only doing it for the attention anyway.

Could you perhaps buy a brighter bulb for where you are sitting, so you don't need the additional light from the bog when you are eating?

Then you could keep the door closed, which is surely preferable? What happens if someone needs the toilet at a mealtime, you don't have to sit and watch them take a dump whilst you tuck into your dinner, do you? [dinner]

Seriously though, I bet you're glad you asked the question here before you sent an email!