AIBU to tell people 'house rules' before they come & stay?

[MirandaGoshawk]

I want them to enjoy their stay and I want to enjoy having them, but am a bit anal about some things - three spring to mind that have been a problem in the past:

1. The (newish) carpet in the bedroom - I can't bear outdoor shoes in there. Wet mud was dragged through
2. Putting the loo seat down. We can see through to the downstairs loo when eating in the kitchen and it drives me nuts if the seat is up. My lot are trained but visitors do it.
3. Putting mugs down on the polished dining table when there are coasters available which has also happened in the past.

So WIBU to tell them by email or phone before they come? Or should I wait until they get here? Make it a House Rules thing or just an off-hand request to the adults? Or not say anything and just seethe?

I don't want to get into the whys and wherefores of shoes off/on or loo seat up/down as they have been done to death on MN & they are a matter of preference, it's just whether or how I say anything.

TIA

But Gold, sadly we don't have a bedroom that overlooks the Oval

Better get your DH to sunbathe naked in the garden for her instead.

MirandaGoshawk - thank you, thank you, thank you. That e mail has given me a much needed chuckle. Plus the post from the poster thinking it was for real
Good luck with your visitors. A shoe rack in the hallway might give them the hint re footwear.

This whole thing about loo flushing/water droplets is total nonsense and has been proven to be untrue - it was on one of those science programmes not long ago, for Christ's sake!

Ooh Gold, how did you know we are naturists?

Thank you Mackenzie The shoe rack is positioned so that they can't miss it will fall over it

You could get a basket of artisanal slippers by the door to stop your guests walking mud all over the house.

Pasta - www.prevention.com/health/healthy-living/how-toilets-spread-germs

This was the first one to come up on Google. There are loads. Here's a more scientific one (and more recent):

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/16033465

Excerpt:

Although a single flush reduced the level of micro-organisms in the toilet bowl water when contaminated at concentrations reflecting pathogen shedding, large numbers of micro-organisms persisted on the toilet bowl surface and in the bowl water which were disseminated into the air by further flushes.
SIGNIFICANCE AND IMPACT OF THE STUDY:
Many individuals may be unaware of the risk of air-borne dissemination of microbes when flushing the toilet and the consequent surface contamination that may spread infection within the household, via direct surface-to-hand-to mouth contact. Some enteric viruses could persist in the air after toilet flushing and infection may be acquired after inhalation and swallowing.

So I prefer to keep the lid closed when flushing. The first link says that the bog is still a germ-factory even when not being flushed.

The only thing I could think would be OK to say in advance is that as it's shoes-off house, they might want to bring some slippers with them for their own comfort.

I would tell the visiting children the rules when the arrive and hopefully the adults will hear and get the message. I'd be mildly annoyed if I was given a list of rules when visiting a friend.

I think it would be rude and unwelcoming to send visitors "house rules". I'd be offended that you didn't think I had good enough manners of my own to be a polite house guest, especially if I received such directions by email.

Yes, guests should fit in with the household, but equally a good host shouldn't make guests feel uncomfortable.

You could get away with choosing one, or two at the most, things to mention to your visitors in a very polite way (i.e. sorry to trouble them, you hope they don't mind but you'd really appreciate it... instead of as an instruction).

There was a good thread here a while ago about an elderly aunt who sent a list of instructions to her hosts before coming to stay. I think instruction number one was that she liked to be in bed with a whiskey by 9pm.

Please don't email as others have said.

Re: coasters - I have no compunction about saying to people that they need a mat for hot drinks and to lift it while I give them one if need be. As long as it's timely, don't see the issue with that. I assume when they are doing this you are around?

If you're not around, it's easy to say 'BTW, the dining table is a bit more delicate than it looks, so the coasters are here'. I did this when cousins visiting / doing their own thing and they were totally fine with it (and have been back).

Toilet seats....losing battle with many people I feel fortunate to have a partner who does not leave the loo seat up, but fgs close the door.

Carpet? No shoes indoors / upstairs / other than in livingroom / whatever.

Emailing looks a bit anal. Telling people at an appropriate time in their stay, perfectly reasonable.

If you were no shoes indoors though, either asking that they bring slippers via email or (better) providing guest slippers is entirely reasonable.

My SIL just puts up notices around the house. Think something a bit more durable than post-it notes with all the do's and don'ts. No idea if she wishes to communicate by email. Alas, I no longer visit. Not a proper boycott as such, just I can usually find other things to do. I can't stand the stress of it all. Definitely shut the toilet door and get some decent light bulbs so the house is less dark.

OK, I went of and did some reading on toilets and their germ-spreading ways.

It seems there is some evidence for this. Given all the thousands of toilets and numbers of people (like me) who have grown up in households with no lid-down flushing police, you'd think there would be myriad illnesses caused by all these rampant germs, and yet there don't seem to be.

I am getting really sick of this germ paranoia, of course I am in favour of sensible good hygiene, but really some of this is just nuts.

BTW I found a number of sources claiming that all these particles can still make an easy escape even when the lid's down, so all you paranoid germ fanatics had better start cling-filming the lid down before flushing or something.

www.nytimes.com/2012/11/27/science/the-possible-peril-of-the-toilet-plume.html?_r=0&adxnnl=1&adxnnlx=1394301895-otTQUNyi8Avf7RAKxj5Utg

message.snopes.com/showthread.php?t=88929

Dad Yes, I've heard that too Aaargh! But lid-down is a start, and better than nothing. I'm not totally paranoid, you know!

With shoes on/ off I follow the hosts. Loo seats? I would hate to have anybody patronize me about what to do on the loo, I am over 5. Coasters I'd follow the hosts lead, too. Email or talk about any of this, I'd turn down the invite or not come again if unfortunately there already, I would be really on edge about what other rules I might accidentally break.

Woah just saw the email you want to send, op. Don't send it! I would cancel immediately, how hostile! Vacuum cleaner in bedroom for guests? Nooo!

Love the email OP :)

So is this a wind up? Someone fill me in... thing is I do know people like this had to sit on a towel to protect the sofa

Great thread.

OP. for graciously accepting that YWBU and for being a good sport
I am just trying to imagine what I would like to include in a pre-visit email to any future houseguests a of mine. I think mine would be a lot longer than yours and less polite. .

YANBU if I got an email from a friend which was about loo seats and coasters I'd be seriously pissed off and definitely wouldn't visit

ffs it's a toilet seat. I can't believe you'd get so uptight about it. Put coasters out before they arrive chances are they'll use them

I had guests last Saturday & whilst emailing to ask about dietary requirements I slipped in 'oh & I'm still quirky about the new floors. It's no shoes if poss so thought I'd warn you so that you don't wear holey socks! I have new slippers if you'd rather not go barefoot but you may want to bring your own'. 2 guests just ditched their shoes on arrival & the 3rd brought their own slippers. They are colleagues but I have known them for 20 years so maybe they're not as formal as usual guests.

I though the no shoes thing was the norm in many homes?

I wouldn't come. I find it truely frightening that you even think that this is normal.