AIBU to tell people 'house rules' before they come & stay?

[MirandaGoshawk]

I want them to enjoy their stay and I want to enjoy having them, but am a bit anal about some things - three spring to mind that have been a problem in the past:

1. The (newish) carpet in the bedroom - I can't bear outdoor shoes in there. Wet mud was dragged through
2. Putting the loo seat down. We can see through to the downstairs loo when eating in the kitchen and it drives me nuts if the seat is up. My lot are trained but visitors do it.
3. Putting mugs down on the polished dining table when there are coasters available which has also happened in the past.

So WIBU to tell them by email or phone before they come? Or should I wait until they get here? Make it a House Rules thing or just an off-hand request to the adults? Or not say anything and just seethe?

I don't want to get into the whys and wherefores of shoes off/on or loo seat up/down as they have been done to death on MN & they are a matter of preference, it's just whether or how I say anything.

TIA

Serve all drinks in cups and saucers so no need for coasters.
Nail the door to the downstairs loo closed, that way you don't need to see it.
Provide artisan made slippers at the door or take up all carpets or cover in decorators drop cloths.

You are joking about emailing them aren't you?

........aren't you??!!!

If I got that if think you were missing something tbh and I wouldn't want to stay.

And that comes from someone who also is a bit of a control freak around the home

As a host, you should make guests feel welcome and comfortable. If I got that email I'd feel like you didn't want me there, and I wouldn't want to come (even though I wouldn't do any of those things).

Let them know it's shoes off at the door when they arrive. As for the rest, just let it go, it's only a few days. Shut the loo door before eating, and put a table cloth on, and/or place coasters on the table itself.

Er yeah, definitely don't email them. Tbh, rules are fine for kids, but these people are your guests. You can't really make them do what you want all the time. I'm sure they'll try their best to be polite and do what you do anyway.

buy a table protector and nice white linen table cloth

I agree with PPs. It would be rude and OTT to email them.

Show them as they arrive where you would like them to put their shoes and, if there are children in the group, explicitly say that your house rule is always shoes off at the door.

Put a cloth on the dining table for the duration of their visit.

Get over the loo seat thing, keep the door closed or just keep putting it down yourself when you see it has been left up - they may get the hint after a little while.

You can see the toilet from your table? Really?

Good grief, OP. Don't. Just don't.

You would sound like an anal control freak if you did something like that.

Oh, and I would hate to stay somewhere where the toilet was clearly visible from the kitchen table. At least put the door on one of those spring things where it automatically closes itself.

I would automatically leave the loo seat up. The thought of touching it would make me boak (clearly I have issues with germs). I think the carpet thing is understandable. the rest of it just sounds like Monica from Friends. Put the coasters in the table (a lot of them!) When giving them a drink, make a point of putting the drink on a coaster so they take the hint.

Good grief, don't email them! I would comply with all of your rules (and have similar in my house) but I just ask people not to wear shoes upstairs, give them a coaster when they have a cup of tea at the table and close the loo door in passing.

Really no need to make a big deal of it :)

I think you should try to resolve the problems so they don't arise rather than issuing rules.

• Fix one of those things to the back of the loo door so it pushes it shut. This would be handy all the time, not just when you have house guests!
• get one of those plastic table cover thingys if the table is in a rustic type setting, or a nice crisp white one if it is more modern
• the shoe thing is rude and this is the only area where YANBU. I would deal with this at the door though

The fact you want to email people about these in advance makes me wonder just how worried and anxious you are about it all.

People all over the world have people to stay and never feel the need to pre advance on rules or lay them down at all, for the short time they will have a visit.

The loo seat in particular seems so peculiar but perhaps you are simply not used to guests.

In which case take a deep breath and challange yourself that you are not going to say anything, you are not going to get stressed about it and your world is not going to collapse if mud is trailed in, loo seat up and all the rest.

You need to look to yourself here and certainly not your future guests.

Imagine how liberated you will feel after!

Just mention it casually when they arrive. Does it have to be a big deal? "Please take your shoes off, we don't wear shoes inside". I think lots of people have this rule so guests wouldn't object.
Hot drinks thing - give out coasters with the drinks. If they don't use the coasters ask them politely to do so.

The loo thing is crazy - not because of seat up or down but how can you see the loo from the table? Why isn't the door shut? I would hate to look at the loo lid up or down while eating.
I am fascinated by your set up. Please enlighten us! Is the loo in the kitchen?

I wouldn't email - if you're that concerned about these things, maybe you'd better forget the whole thing.

Am worried now about your toilet - is it legal?

If you can see the loo from where you're eating, surely the rule should be to keep the door shut?

I wouldn't tell them in advance. In fact, I wouldn't tell them at all, I'd just seethe inside in a way that I'm sure is very unhealthy :(

Don't email. Go to a solicitor immediately and draw up an agreement for the visitors to sign before coming.

If I was staring at a toilet while eating my dinner, I wouldn't care if the seat was up, down or hanging from the ceiling.

I'd still have to get up and shut the door.

@ grovel.

Op you need to work on yourself not them. try it be free.

Actually I have to ask...

Shelldon, is that you?

I'm pretty anally retentive about this kind of thing I must admit but I definitely wouldn't email, it would be weird and a bit rude. As others have said, just say re shoes early on, a gentle reminder about the coasters and zip it about the loo seat!

I'm actually finding it hard to concentrate on the rest of your post, with the thought of that toilet. Seriously OP, No one wants to be looking at a toilet while they're eating.