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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want to incinerate a junior colleague

219 replies

Boosiehs · 15/07/2015 10:23

I realise IABU BTW - RANT....

He keeps coming over to me, thinking he has found errors in something I have drafted. I have already told him 5 times that this is not the case and that he is wrong.

If he comes over again can I please use my deathray on him?

Pretty please?

OP posts:
tywinlannister · 15/07/2015 20:06

I'd be on the phone to ACAS the moment a manager swore at me at work.

I am happy with my own management techniques that are illegal different to yours.

OurDearLeader · 15/07/2015 20:12

God. Some of the things on this thread are really depressing. No wonder people end up with mental health problems from work related stress. I think the idea of taking bets on who is going to kill a colleague first and talking about where to put the body is horrendous. I've worked in places where other people have had this pack mentality against one person and it's horrible to watch. It's normally not as bad as the bullies make out either, but because they're hyper vigilant for their 'mark' making a mistake and magnify each one out of proportion it always seems much worse than it is. That is just true out and out bullying. The fact that people justify it is classic bullying behaviour too. Bullies always believe their victim deserves it.

Honestly, some of the things I've read on this thread have made me feel depressed about the poor sods who have to go into work and put up with this shit every day.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 15/07/2015 20:20

It makes it worse to shout and swear at a junior and then to blame them for driving you to it surely?

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 15/07/2015 20:21

I mean I agree with you OurDearLeader.

DoreenLethal · 15/07/2015 20:24

I massively prefer traditional, robust management styles to the the fluffy HR-approved hypocrisy that passes for management in most large organisations now

I prefer to recruit properly and treat my staff like humans. Get me! All fluffy and stuff.

I am the very opposite of fluffy, incidentally. Doesn't mean that I can't manage with an iron fist and do so without swearing and shouting at people.

Manage them up or manage them out. This shouting and swearing at staff is not a management practice that has been 'the done thing' for many many years. And I am ex construction...

limitedperiodonly · 15/07/2015 20:27

Manage them up or manage them out.

Does managing them out make it nicer for them or for you?

PurpleHairAndPearls · 15/07/2015 20:27

limited, I'm not working at the moment due to ill health, but yes I was a manager, in a very male dominated industry!

I notice you avoided my other questions -

Don't you believe in treating others how you want to be treated? Would you treat others in your day to day life in this way, like your GP or shop staff as I asked earlier? If you wouldn't, why do you think it's acceptable to talk to staff in this way?

DoreenLethal · 15/07/2015 20:40

Does managing them out make it nicer for them or for you?

If they aren't suitable for the role, then nicer for them surely?

Much better approach than shouting and swearing at people.

limitedperiodonly · 15/07/2015 20:41

PurpleHairAndPearls I didn't deliberately ignore you. I didn't notice your posts to me. Sorry.

Yes, I do believe in treating people in the way I want to be treated.

Therefore I have always treated people who have asked for help and guidance with courtesy and respect - whether at work or in the street. In fact it pleases and flatters me to be able to help them.

I have snapped at people who have interrupted me at busy times. I am not a saint. Is anyone here?

The people who have behaved stupidly and rudely, bothering me at busy times and, worse, calling into question my professonal judgement, got cut off at the knees.

That's two specific people I've mentioned on this thread, only one of whom I bollocked.

Is that a full enough reply for you?

tywinlannister · 15/07/2015 20:48

I don't think you have the skills for a management role Limited. Every time you post something else, it compounds it. This isn't the 70's, you can't talk to anyone like that whether you 'respect' them or not. You are in a position of responsibility, not in a playground.

limitedperiodonly · 15/07/2015 20:49

If they aren't suitable for the role, then nicer for them surely?

Not really, seeing as being managed out means they end up losing their jobs.

Or are you suggesting that they linger making everyone else's life a misery? I don't give a shit about the company but I do give a shit about the impact on people who have to work alongside useless and damaging people.

But so long as no one in authority has to say anything upsetting to them, that's okay.

DoreenLethal · 15/07/2015 20:52

I have snapped at people who have interrupted me at busy times.

Actually you said 'I realised I had a robust management style when I shouted at someone like him: 'Just fucking do it and don't come near me again until then.'

That is not snapping. That is abusive. If someone did that to their partner, they would quite rightly be called an abuser.

But hey ho, as long as that is how you like to be treated, that's fine.

limitedperiodonly · 15/07/2015 20:52

This isn't the 70's

I realise. I was at school then.

notquiteruralbliss · 15/07/2015 20:53

Gosh - I have told people to JFDI. As (surely) have most people in high pressure environments. But you can do it without being aggressive and (depending on the audience) without saying fuck. Though fuck is a word I have been known use to lighten the mood. As in 'just fucking do it will you' accompanied a shrug and an an eye roll to someone who will not get upset or take offence. I would not tell someone to JFDI if there was even the smidgen of a chance that it would upset them. That would be bullying.

tywinlannister · 15/07/2015 20:58

I don't think you do realise because you seem to assume losing your rag and swearing at a colleague is a professional and effective management style.

PurpleHairAndPearls · 15/07/2015 21:00

Well I'm not going to get drawn into a massively circular debate as to whether it's acceptable to shout and swear at staff

It's not acceptable and as PP said, you sound more and more unprofessional with every post. I would bet that if you started a thread saying "AIBU to think it's okay to shout and swear at my staff", it would be a resounding YABU...

limitedperiodonly · 15/07/2015 21:11

Yes, doreen it was his third or fourth footling interruption during an increasing busy day.

I had explained the simple point to him a number of times in a polite manner but the last time I snapped and swore and asked him to go away and do it as I had asked and not to approach me again.

I'm not a saint. Are you?

I have explained that to you and others few times and I am refraining from using expletives.

You, like he, seem unable to grasp how annoying you are.

I feel I am being remarkably patient in the face of obtuseness or deliberate goading.

Therefore I'm not going to respond to you further because it's pointless.

limitedperiodonly · 15/07/2015 21:15

Well I'm not going to get drawn into a massively circular debate as to whether it's acceptable to shout and swear at staff

Me neither PurpleHairAndPearls, so let's just leave it at that.

Hexadecimal1 · 15/07/2015 21:36

My god, if my manager ever shouted and swore at me i would be straight to HR. There is never, ever a time that it's ok for that. Ever. I am surprised at the arrogance of that poster who continues to think they're good. I can absolutely guarantee you that all the people who work for you think you are not a good manager.

When I was a new grad, I asked loads of questions, most of which were batted away, or I was told to "think about it more". Someone then took me under their wing and just took 15-20 mins each day looking at my work, answering questions and actually giving me time. It was super helpful and I genuinely hadn't realised how much work others had and what a nuisance my questions might be. I was so keen!

Now, when I have juniors I do the same thing and make sure I make time for them. I also think that a lot of people come to workplaces with amazing qualifications but no work experience and no one bothers to tell them things about actually how to behave in the workplace.

Thisismyfirsttime · 15/07/2015 21:42

Limited are you a surgeon? I have a mental image if you being a surgeon conducting some form of complex heart surgery and a junior popping their head round the door to ask some mundane question and you telling them to fuck off. Grin

BerylStreep · 15/07/2015 21:45

What is a footling?

CitrineRaindropPhoenix · 15/07/2015 21:45

The poster with s robust management style has also said she doesn't do that job anymore so probably doesn't need to worry about grievances being raised against her on that basis...

Silvercatowner · 15/07/2015 21:50

Limited I strongly advise you not to change jobs - you may have a massive shock!! You wouldn't last long where I work - I'd have you on a disciplinary before you could say 'fuck off'

TheChandler · 15/07/2015 21:52

Theres a line between constructive and non-constructive criticism. Good managers will get away with all sorts if they do it in a skilful enough way. But where is this body that judges managers on being "good" or meeting a certain standard? If its not actionable, and if they haven't caused law suits, then I fail to see a problem with them not being nicey-nicey enough.

Some posters on here come across as so fragile that they would run into all sorts of problems just walking down the street or going round the shops, never mind at work!

And companies just want to employ people who run to HR every time a manager is a bit short with them.

If you struggle with work that much and are bothering people, maybe its time to do some extra study at home. Because you obviously didn't study enough during your degree or learn the right techniques.

BerylStreep · 15/07/2015 21:54

Calling bun-fight!