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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to want to incinerate a junior colleague

219 replies

Boosiehs · 15/07/2015 10:23

I realise IABU BTW - RANT....

He keeps coming over to me, thinking he has found errors in something I have drafted. I have already told him 5 times that this is not the case and that he is wrong.

If he comes over again can I please use my deathray on him?

Pretty please?

OP posts:

DoreenLethal · 15/07/2015 12:43

Someone repeatedly interrupting me when I was busy after I'd explained numerous times

Why should they suffer your inability to cope with stress, and your lack of ability to explain things properly?

TantrumsAndBalloons · 15/07/2015 12:46

No, not shambolic here
No poor management. No bullying. No complaints.

Very friendly, happy workplace.

Except when I am interrupted from my own work 17 times a day to explain simple procedures that my 16 year old son has no problems doing.

Original poster

Boosiehs · 15/07/2015 12:47

Thank you all. I am going for a walk as he has just tried it on another part of a different agreement. He is not a lawyer and is questioning my drafting.

I am usually quite patient, but I just explained it to him once and then told him to go away and read it properly.

OP posts:

manchestermummy · 15/07/2015 12:48

My manager says I sometimes give him the "You're talking complete nonsense, rethink" look. It's utterly subconscious; apparently I can't hide my true feelings very well. I'm certainly not afraid to voice an opinion but I seem to have perfected the abject disagreement vibe!

MonstrousRatbag · 15/07/2015 12:50

I had to be firm with my ultra-nice and very keen trainee when she first started. She would keep asking very detailed, involved questions about the task I had set her. In the end, I told her she was just asking me to tell her the answer, when what I wanted was for her to have a go at working it out for herself.

She is a super-swot with no real-life or work experience. She is used to succeeding at everything at school and Uni and cannot bear the idea of getting even a tiny thing wrong.

It has only got better since I've explained that, actually, the worst thing she can do is not get the answer wrong, the worst thing is not trying at all, for fear of failing. And sometimes you just have to learn by doing, not being coached through every minute stage.

Even so I have had to tell her that I've got my own work to do and I simply cannot answer questions every 2-3 minutes. When I'm super-busy I tell her she cannot speak to me until a specific time. As I sit typing away she dashes off to ask someone else the question!

howabout · 15/07/2015 12:52

YABU. Incineration is too good for him. Since he thinks it so important to prove you wrong I think he should be prevailed upon to spend the afternoon designing a spreadsheet and supporting explanatory report to persuade you. Or he could just go for a very long stand from the research department.

QuintShhhhhh · 15/07/2015 12:54

(I am more equally concerned how some of you more "robust" managers parent if this is how you behave in the workplace. )

limitedperiodonly · 15/07/2015 12:55

Why should they suffer your inability to cope with stress, and your lack of ability to explain things properly?

I can cope with stress and explain things very well Doreen.

My main tactic for coping with the stress of a bull-headed or incompetent person coming to me with footling inquiries after I have repeatedly given them chapter and verse on what to do, is to tell them to go away and then get on with my own job.

That might include swearing.

QuintShhhhhh · 15/07/2015 12:55

OP, can you get somebody else to read your drafts if he is not competent? Not sure how somebody without legal training is put to do that job in the first place?

howabout · 15/07/2015 12:59

Qunitshhhhh requests for help with homework are directed to google and the dictionary. Complaints about the menu are met with instructions to cook my dinner for me. Mum I cannot find / I'm bored etc lead to me delegating all my housework. I am a SAHM with stroppy teenagers and my management style is as robust as ever.

limitedperiodonly · 15/07/2015 12:59

I am more equally concerned how some of you more "robust" managers parent if this is how you behave in the workplace.

Why would that concern you? Children do not inhabit my workplace. Some people who haven't grown up do though.

MonstrousRatbag · 15/07/2015 12:59

Thing is, some juniors really want to know and improve (like my trainee, bless her). They are being over-eager, and aren't aware of how annoying it can be.

And some juniors are actually trying to undermine, or prove their superiority, in a very insinuating way. And dare I say it, in my experience this happens more often when a male junior has a female senior colleague or manager.

CruCru · 15/07/2015 13:00

I don't like the idea of someone being shouted at in the office. However, if there is a super busy time in the day, I would expect a 20+ year old to realise that questions etc need to be asked at a different time.

A 3 year old needs to be taught that it is not okay to keep interrupting. I am irritated when a 10 year old doesn't know this. I am flabbergasted when a 23 year old doesn't.

Out of interest, is it mentioned to these people that between x and y is really busy so they need to keep a list of questions to be raised outside those times?

PurpleHairAndPearls · 15/07/2015 13:07

In my book, it is highly unprofessional to shout and swear at staff/colleagues. It's not a "robust management style", it actually makes the shoutee look a bit of a tit, IMHO.

My DC used to drive me demented asking the same questions again and again I might have raised my voice on occasion, although I tried not to, but I wouldn't swear at them or treat them so aggressively.

I don't see why my staff, or anyone I deal with, would be less deserving of being treated respectfully. And yes, I've had my share of "heart sinkers" but there's ways and means of dealing with it. You wouldn't shout "just fucking do it" to your partner, or GP, or shop staff etc (well I hope you wouldn't), so why is it acceptable to treat another group of people like this.

It's not BU to have an internal death ray, or to think "fuck off" in your own head but surely everyone is entitled to be treated with respect in the workplace?

BoyFromTheBigBadCity · 15/07/2015 13:18

Those who shout and swear at people at work - would you be happy if someone does it to your dc? Should teachers swear at their class? It's disgusting.

DoreenLethal · 15/07/2015 13:22

I can cope with stress and explain things very well Doreen.

And yet you are the one losing your cool and resorting to shouting and swearing at people. Weird that.

desertgirl · 15/07/2015 13:24

to be fair it depends a lot on the relationship between the swearer and swearee - which is very difficult to legislate for, like flirty banter, which is great fun in the right circumstances but it's very, very hard to explain to someone why he can't say certain things to person X (or anyone) when that person has heard an equally/more senior person saying similar things to you, and just getting back as good as they gave (this was a long time ago, I suspect UK offices less likely to be banter-ish now for just that reason)

limitedperiodonly · 15/07/2015 13:45

And yet you are the one losing your cool and resorting to shouting and swearing at people.

I didn't lose my cool. It was tactical. Shouting a volley of expletives was the only language he would understand after all else had failed.

Some people are like that.

MrsCs · 15/07/2015 13:48

I've been sworn at by a couple of managers in my time. Both have been 'moved on' due to incompetence (not related to swearing at me, I was never that bothered. It denotes a lack of ability in that person, not me.

limitedperiodonly · 15/07/2015 13:51

That's your experience MrsCs

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 15/07/2015 13:55

Sorry...IMO even if it works, it is NEVER OK to shout at someone in a subordinate position. Never.

limitedperiodonly · 15/07/2015 14:00

Your opinion on my management style is duly noted fanjo

CruCru · 15/07/2015 14:00

All you people who work in pressured, busy environments - are you part time or are you air traffic controllers? It's just that you're all posting during office hours on a Wednesday (I'm an actuary who is currently a SAHM).

Toooldtobearsed · 15/07/2015 14:02

desertgirl is right in that it all depends on circumstances.

I currently work in role where there would be mass hysteria if white gloves weren't worn when taking afternoon tea.

My last job, I worked with all men. No one could string two sentences together without swearing profusely at each other, and it was the norm to be told to 'fuck off and get on with it'. I bloody loved that job.

Would far rather be told 'stop being a nob and just fucking get on with it' than being handled with kid gloves and wondering what is being said behind my back.

AND this is a light-hearted thread, so just lighten the fuck up people

dragongirlx · 15/07/2015 14:02

I have a colleague who repeatedly asks questions over and over if she doesn't like the answer. Whats worse is that she doesn't like some of the procedures that we have in place and will regularly sulk and strop about them because we won't change them to suit her. The team are taking bets on who will snap first and kill her. I have offered my allotment to bury the body in

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