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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding invitation

109 replies

PaintedTshirt · 14/07/2015 10:13

Never thought I'd be doing one of these, but here it goes!

The wedding is that of (very) extended family, but we all see eachother fairly regularly at events and so. Have known the bride for years, but as I say through extended family on DH's side.

If we (DH and I) hadn't been invited I wouldn't have batted an eyelid, but as it happens DH is invited and I am not. I'm really surprised with how upset I feel Sad. He's only invited to the evening and I know me coming too would make no difference to numbers or cost.

So AIBU to feel like shit? I'm not sure how many of the in laws are invited yet, but at a guess it's everyone except me Sad

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 14/07/2015 10:14

Is your DH going?

Original poster
PaintedTshirt · 14/07/2015 10:17

I haven't had a chance to speak to him about it much. He just said "That'll make it a bit awkward for me to go then".

Whatever that means.

OP posts:
kissmethere · 14/07/2015 10:19

You are them fairly regularly so they know you exist. It is a bit odd. See if it comes up before the day to make sure there it wasn't a mistake. If not I'm afraid you have to take it for what it is. It is shitty. Has Dh accepted?

Nolim · 14/07/2015 10:21

Typically when you invite someone married the spouse is invited.
Not that it matters but how do you know that inviting you would not make a difference is numbers or costs? I think it does.

CocktailQueen · 14/07/2015 10:22

I have NEVER heard of a wedding where a spouse is not invited. It's extremely rude.

Hattiebones · 14/07/2015 10:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hibbledibble · 14/07/2015 10:25

Are you sure you aren't invited? Could it have been a mistake on the invite?

midnightvelvetPart2 · 14/07/2015 10:27

Could he phone them (as he's the invited one) to just check that you are not invited?

MaxPepsi · 14/07/2015 10:30

Have they occidentally missed your name off?

Easily done when you've got loads to write out.

SIL missed some, she even managed to seal envelopes without the bloody invites in them she was so stressed at the time of doing them!

Original poster
PaintedTshirt · 14/07/2015 10:34

Definitely not invited, there was a little note included about how they are only able to 'accomadate for the named persons'.

I know it would add nothing for me to come because I was going to get married at the venue myself. (We later decided it was a bit crap and went with a better one Wink)

Oh well, she must not want me there. I just feel embarrassed. I hope no one asks of 'we' are going, I'd have to explain that I wasn't invited.

I promise I haven't got form for being a bad wedding guest or anything!

OP posts:
Chunkymonkey79 · 14/07/2015 10:37

In my opinion it is very rude not to invite somebodies partner to a wedding, especially when the partner is known to the bride and groom.

Yanbu

It is entirely up to your partner whether he attends are not but I know that my partner would not attend a wedding under these circumstances out of respect for me and I would also do the same for him.

Original poster
PaintedTshirt · 14/07/2015 10:38

DH said he would double check I wasn't invited, I told him not to. I don't want a pity invitation.

The note about only the named people being invited was on a little card all on its own. If you put that in, then you would obviously double check you'd got the names right.

OP posts:
CrapBag · 14/07/2015 10:39

Given that it is your DH's very extended family I'd say they possibly have a blanket rule for inviting extended family members only and not partners because whilst you say you going won't make a difference, if they have 10 extended family members plus 10 partners that's another 20 people which likely does make a difference so maybe they decided on one rule and are sticking to it.

youngestisapyscho · 14/07/2015 10:41

My DH would decline the invitation for the fact I wasn't also invited as I would for him. I would also let them know that was why I was declining.

nmg85 · 14/07/2015 10:43

It is a little rude to be honest. At our wedding partners were invited to the evening, we only had a small ceremony (22 people so mainly close family and friends). If you didn't see them that often then maybe it could be excused by to see them often its a little odd.

FruChristerOla · 14/07/2015 10:45

CrapBag has a point. Can you discreetly find out from some of the others if the family member has been invited but their spouse/partner not?

Nevertheless, it seems pretty bad form to do that.

Timetodrive · 14/07/2015 10:47

If you are down to having to invite only one partner to a family wedding then you have invited to many people. I would find it more polite to not issue an invite than to invite one member of a couple, when they are family.

iamanintrovert · 14/07/2015 10:48

In my opinion, it's extremely rude. I would be very very disappointed if my partner went without me in those circumstances (I know that he wouldn't, and neither would I if it was just me invited). I'm of a generation that views married/partnered people as a unit.

Crosbybeach · 14/07/2015 10:48

It's a bit odd, but I wouldn't get too hung up on it. She may well not be inviting partners of extended family and is just having a complete nightmare with numbers. So less of a snub, more of a rather odd way to do things...

StaceyAndTracey · 14/07/2015 10:51

It's extremely rude to invite one partner and not the other , if they are married / co habiting .

It's a bit more of a grey area if they are just " dating " .

All this " named person " stuff is just the height of bad manners TBH

Original poster
PaintedTshirt · 14/07/2015 10:51

The thing is the only other family member not directly related is MIL and her partner, so I will find out if he is invited.

It's not like we are talking about a huge extended family with lots of partners, but I know I may not have the full picture.

It's shit, but thanks for letting have a moan Flowers

OP posts:
Original poster
PaintedTshirt · 14/07/2015 10:51

Letting me*

OP posts:
EatDessertFirst · 14/07/2015 10:55

My DB and future SIL are going to do this with their bridemaids and even SIL own DAD! They want a specific venue and various fripperies (colour co-ordinated confetti FFS!) so they have cut out people. I think its massively rude not to invite partners/husbands/wives.

YANBU. I'd do some digging too if I were you.

kissmethere · 14/07/2015 11:00

You've not been left in the dark then as to why you weren't invited. It's a bit rude but it's how they're doing "their " wedding. The little card has explained why they've done this so its not personal. Let it go.

LazyLouLou · 14/07/2015 11:04

Your DH should simply RSVP

"It is with regret that we cannot accept your invitation. We hope you have a lovely day"