Wedding invitation

[PaintedTshirt]

Never thought I'd be doing one of these, but here it goes!

The wedding is that of (very) extended family, but we all see eachother fairly regularly at events and so. Have known the bride for years, but as I say through extended family on DH's side.

If we (DH and I) hadn't been invited I wouldn't have batted an eyelid, but as it happens DH is invited and I am not. I'm really surprised with how upset I feel . He's only invited to the evening and I know me coming too would make no difference to numbers or cost.

So AIBU to feel like shit? I'm not sure how many of the in laws are invited yet, but at a guess it's everyone except me

[Fleecyleesy]

It's rude. If I was your dh, I'd decline the invitation.

I once got invited to a wedding when dd was not even supposed to have been born but was born early. No babies allowed. Never spoke to them again. No arguments, just didn't bother anymore.

[CrystalCove]

I know some advice has been not to say anything because it would cause a row but if it was me personally I would because they obviously couldnt care if it caused a row or not by not inviting you in the first place.

[IssyStark]

It is incredibly rude to invite only one half of a married couple to a wedding (with certain exceptions for work colleagues and abusive partners).

However I would double check in case the card was meant for the kids?

PiL were invited to DH's cousin's wedding but SiL who lives with PiL wasn't, nor were we (we didn't mind). Imagine our PiL's shock when they got to the reception to find they had places for me, DH and SiL. Apparently we should have known the invite included the whole family even though only PiL's were named on it and we didn't even live with them

[KitZacJak]

I would always invite partners to a wedding even if they weren't married and even if I didn't know them so to not invite a spouse you actually know is the height of rudeness. Would have been less rude to not have invited either of you. I hope your husband says no.

[CrystalCove]

And my DH wouldnt want to attend a wedding without me - its nothing to do with not being individuals - but hey..we actually enjoy spending the limited time we have for socialising together.

[riverboat1]

Yeah, can't hurt for your DP to send them an email to double check card wasnt referring to non-inclusion of kids and not you.

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

Well assuming the OP is not an abusive twat, then I think it's rude to have not invited her. I hope your DH decides not to go out of solidarity.

[BuggersMuddle]

I think for family (even extended) this is very rude for an established cohabiting / married couple.

I think if you're inviting a big bunch of your workmates to an evening do, it's okay to not invite spouses (assuming you don't know them and aren't expecting people to travel a long way).

In this case, very rude. If I was your DH I wouldn't go.

[Lavenderice]

It his thread smacks of "smug marrieds". I don't see my relationship as less important because I'm not married, fuck knows what you think about single people!

[Lavenderice]

That was meant to start 'This thread....'

[Sallyingforth]

Battleaxe
It's nothing to do with 'being joined at the hip'. That's nonsense.

The wedding is about a new couple being welcomed into a community of couples. Expecting other couples to be kept apart for the occasion is against the spirit of the event.

And that's in addition to the basic rudeness.

[Sallyingforth]

Lavanderice
Crossed with you but I agree. That's why I spoke about couples, not married couples. The courtesy should be the same.

[Lavenderice]

That wasn't directed at you Sallyingforth you're clearly very level headed!

[Lavenderice]

"Welcomed into a community of couples", sounds like a cult!

[NinkyNonkers]

I would assume they are being hugely old fashioned and addressing it to him but assuming you go too, and card was aimed at kids. As such, I would ask.

[pigsDOfly]

This is incredibly rude and hurtful. Of course a spouse or cohabiting partner should be invited.

If you have a large extended family and limited funds the normal thing surely, is to have a cut off point e.g. nobody more distant than first cousins; obviously if you're close to your 3rd cousin twice removed then they would be the exception as they'd be there as friends and of course you would invite their spouse.

I'd be very disappointed with my partner if he went without me in these circumstances.

When I was just my now exh girlfriend we went out all the time with his cousin and his girlfriend and I thought we were all good friends. When they got married I wasn't invited. I found that very hurtful.

Weird, rude behaviour.

[Crosbybeach]

I really don't think it is that rude, but am clearly in the minority on this thread.

[ThroughThickAndThin01]

I think it's rude, and very odd, to invite one half of an established couple. My Dh would hate to go without me - a wedding which strangely enough is about celebrating love between a couple - and I wouldn't go without him.

YANBU OP.

[shirleybasseyslovechild]

their wedding, their rules.
your wedding, your rules.

[Hissy]

If i were invited and my OH was not invited, despite being married, I would refuse. regardless of who it was doing the inviting.

OP, I hope your DH does refuse to go, then the B&G won't be struggling so hard to accommodate people they clearly don't really give a shit about.

[Hissy]

Oh and I'm single.

what the B&G are doing here is RUDE

[ActiviaYoghurt]

I haven't been invited to my cousins childrens weddings this year (there have been 2 and a 3rd this summer sometime), granted I am second cousin but had I received an evening invite I would have made the effort. I feel sad and left out tbh. Especially given that I invited all my first cousins to my wedding and their (Adult) children to the evening party just a few years ago.

Sometimes numbers get a bit out of control in large families and they had to draw the line somewhere? I would decline invite and if asked why say you felt it was odd that DH was invited on his own.

My DH wouldn't go without me.

[BlackeyedSusan]

I can understand inviting just work colleagues say to a wedding and not their partners, but family. a little odd. I would be inclined to decline the invitation. I would hope that h would as well. (mine would not have declined. he would have buggered off and left me with child care without a backward glace or checking I was not otherwise engaged)

[SanityClause]

It's not rude, you are two separate people. I don't understand why people think they're entitled just because they're a couple.

It depends on the circumstances. One half of a couple may be invited, if they are part of a work group, or social group like a sports club. In circumstances like that, you wouldn't necessarily expect a "plus one".

But Painted is a family member. She is known to the B&G. Very rude not to invite her, IMO.

[DoesItReallyMatter]

I think it's naff and thoughtless but I think you are wrong to assume that it's because of 'you' - it's more likely to be because of numbers. They probably had a few leftover places to fill and filled them without thinking it through.

I wouldn't worry about it and either your DH accepts or declines the invitation as you both see fit. I'd decline it but I wouldn't be aggrieved by it.