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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding invitation

109 replies

PaintedTshirt · 14/07/2015 10:13

Never thought I'd be doing one of these, but here it goes!

The wedding is that of (very) extended family, but we all see eachother fairly regularly at events and so. Have known the bride for years, but as I say through extended family on DH's side.

If we (DH and I) hadn't been invited I wouldn't have batted an eyelid, but as it happens DH is invited and I am not. I'm really surprised with how upset I feel Sad. He's only invited to the evening and I know me coming too would make no difference to numbers or cost.

So AIBU to feel like shit? I'm not sure how many of the in laws are invited yet, but at a guess it's everyone except me Sad

OP posts:
ijustwannadance · 14/07/2015 14:19

Maybe they have invited too many people with it being such a large family that they had hit capacity for the venue so had to leave some people out. While rude to leave out other half of a couple the venue would have a set amount of people it would allow.

Dunkyourcustardcream · 14/07/2015 14:37

People are such arse holes when it comes to weddings. Weddings are rubbish. Count yourself lucky you're not invited. Having to stand around for hours in your high heels whilst 'the photos' are being done.... I particularly like the pretend cutting of the cake photo. Has anyone been to a wedding where they actually cut it and eat it?

We had an invite to an evening do once (yawn) that named my husband and put me down as 'and guest'. We had spent New Year with these people.... Twice. And still they couldn't even make the effort to remind themselves of my name.

Like I said... Lucky escape, feel sorry your DH may have to go. Wink

Number12 · 14/07/2015 14:37

Get your dh to email "...we are delighted to accept your invitation and paintedtshirt is so excited she has even bought a new dress for the occasion! " let them sweat. Yanbu neither go.

AliceAlice1979 · 14/07/2015 14:41

I was invited to a wedding recently with DH but DSC wasn't invited (other children were). That hurt too. Not sure that you can do anything about it. Hope you can talk with your DH about it so he sees things from your perspective.

LaLyra · 14/07/2015 14:45

How 'distantly' related is your DH? Could his invitation basically be as company for your MIL?

Could be that they've got to a level of relation where they can't fit in partners? So cousins plus partners, second cousins no partners?

We had a similar line at our wedding thanks to FIL's massive family. DH went to a wedding a few weeks back of his second or third cousin without me and the kids. No offence taken here at all. Sometimes people have to draw a line somewhere if there's a big family involved.

KoalaDownUnder · 14/07/2015 14:46

Utterly flipping rude.

And I say that as someone who has never been married, and has attended tons of weddings by herself.

Dunkyourcustardcream · 14/07/2015 15:13

I love Number12's response.... Please do that.

BrockAuLit · 14/07/2015 15:17

V rude. But surely the fact that was a printed card means that you're not the only one?

I wouldn't assume your non-invitation is because of the kids. I think the couple have run out of space/budget.

I will never get my head around a specific venue or dress or food or whatever being more important than the b&g's relationships. If you don't care enough about someone to not offend their spouse, why have them at your wedding Confused

Original poster
PaintedTshirt · 14/07/2015 17:34

Apparently it's all a mistake and I am invited Hmm

Not sure how I feel to be honest, all very awkward.

OP posts:
MiddleAgedandConfused · 14/07/2015 17:42

I'd just take this at face value - accept the invite graciously and go and enjoy yourself.
I'm glad this has been resolved - this is the best outcome to avoid a family argument.

LondonLady29 · 14/07/2015 17:49

Hmm it's awkward and weird now but what can you do? Just go and put a brave face on. I wouldn't forget it though I think they regretted it and changed it last minute.

clam · 14/07/2015 17:53

How did you hear it was a mistake?

LilyMayViolet · 14/07/2015 17:53

Well, in fairness people do make mistakes and weddings can be a bit of a nightmare. I'm on the fence about it but I think on balance it is unreasonable to do this. I say on balance because I can imagine if someone is only having a tiny wedding and they don't even know the partners of some of the guests, have never met them even. I know it's a celebration of marriage but it's their marriage not everyone else's!

I'd probably feel upset in your shoes too though op. Will you go?

Nolim · 14/07/2015 17:56

Maybe the bride and grooms are mumsnetters and changed their minds Grin

Shapebandit · 14/07/2015 18:01

I expect the card was meant to make it clear that only the 2 of you were invited and not the kids.

Mrsjayy · 14/07/2015 18:02

Thats strange i get they might not be able to afford everybody but its a night Do a dance a drink and a sausage roll is what happens night time is usually a free for all ime

AliceAlice1979 · 14/07/2015 18:03

I'm pleased you are invited op. Do you know what happened? Oversight on their part? Change of heart? They read MN?!
Is it just me or does anyone Els think the printed card is rude. If you invite people you bane them on the invite, you don't add a note to say oh a btw no one else can come?

AliceAlice1979 · 14/07/2015 18:03

You name them. Ah ffs, big fingers, small phone.

MissDemelzaCarne · 14/07/2015 18:10

How did you find out?

Mrsjayy · 14/07/2015 18:10

Oh just read on awkward what are you going to do

Number12 · 14/07/2015 19:04

That's a shame you've got another wedding that day haven't you! !

Jackie0 · 14/07/2015 19:27

Did your dh ask them?
How did you find out it was a 'mistake'?
I'd still not go but that's just me.

Original poster
PaintedTshirt · 14/07/2015 19:47

DH mentioned it to family member A, who told B...etc. we are all related so it doesn't take long for the word to spread!

I do believe it was a mistake now I've had time to reflect, because it was so strange for me not to be invited (me and DH are clearly joint at the hip Wink). Also I really do like the bride and don't want to cause any tension, so I'll most likely go.

OP posts:
Happyringo · 14/07/2015 19:47

The invitation was addressed to DH alone, and a card inside explicitly stating that the invitation was for those named only?

And now they say it was a 'mistake'?

Sounds like they've been called out on their rudeness and are embarrassed. I'd be hurt as well OP and I don't think I would be able to go.

How did you find out it was a mistake?

Happyringo · 14/07/2015 19:47

Ah X post