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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Can i just check that ainbu

268 replies

Balacqua · 13/07/2015 20:56

A family member has broken something valuable of another ones.

Of course the person who broke it should either sort it out getting fixed, pronto, or go without to come up with the cash to replace it? Right? No matter how expensive it was? No excuses?

Feel like I'm slightly losing my marbles here!

OP posts:
00100001 · 14/07/2015 12:56

Which phone doe she have?

Balacqua · 14/07/2015 12:57

001 I was referring to the fact that I find it rude, as the op, to be referred to as 'she'.

An old nokia.

Anything else?!

OP posts:
Spartans · 14/07/2015 12:58

He is anti captaining? So he doesn have a games console? Or a phone?

What is his part time job? What will he be studying next year?

Honestly op, I know you love your son. But if he was that great with money he wouldn't need you to give him money for his holiday.

00100001 · 14/07/2015 13:01

he has a NOKIA and he calls himself anti-capitalist?

Does he even know the meaning of the word?

00100001 · 14/07/2015 13:02

"I find it rude, as the op, to be referred to as 'she'. "
Why, are you a man?

MonstrousRatbag · 14/07/2015 13:04

Don't get the Horn decanter, or the Mamba one. Get the Cock and Balls decanter:

Can i just check that ainbu
diddl · 14/07/2015 13:09

I would let him use his savings for the £500 that he wants for the holiday & to replace the decanter.

He might not value "stuff" but he has no right to destroy other peoples.

What a disgusting attitude.

OurDearLeader · 14/07/2015 13:09

Presumably he didn't buy the Nokia but got it second hand so no money going to Nokia or Microsoft. If it's an old one it would have been pre-Microsoft buyout when a Nokia was quite an ethical purchase.

OurDearLeader · 14/07/2015 13:13

I've just had a look. They're very nouveau. Some of them just look like IKEA vases. Reminds me of the adage that a fool and his money are easily parted.

Balacqua · 14/07/2015 13:14

Haha at the cock and balls one! I won't be getting that. And yes, pre Microsoft. Holiday money long promised present for hard work for a levels. Thanks all - am off to choose a decanter Flowers

OP posts:
Spartans · 14/07/2015 13:17

Please get the cock and balls one!!! I am getting one for mum and dad for Christmas now. Dad will think it's hilarious and mum won't notice. Dad will love offering drinks to friends from it.

CrabbyTheCrabster · 14/07/2015 13:22

The situation has now been resolved to the OP's satisfaction.

So a few people decide to start kicking the OP instead, with sly jibes and digs.

Charming. Hmm

WankerDeAsalWipe · 14/07/2015 13:28

If the holiday money had already been earned then I actually do agree that it should be paid despite what I said earlier. There was no indication that the £500 was in respect of a prior agreement that had not yet been honoured on your part. The decanter is to be replaced at his cost, that's fair.

I still think he owes you in terms of goodwill and apology and it would be a long time before I treated or otherwise rewarded him because of the behavior.

DJThreeDog · 14/07/2015 13:30

YABU to not punish him in any way. He has behaved like an insufferable snot expect he's happy to be a part of the capitalist bourgeoisie when it comes to keeping his iPhone and you have essentially taken the lamest of apologies and let him get away with it!

Balacqua · 14/07/2015 13:42

Thank you crabbytheChester I appreciate you standing up for me. Better to have a few at the end than a litany all the way through which is was would have happened if I'd given the whole story straight out!

OP posts:
highlighta · 14/07/2015 13:46

I know that the thread is all about the young man's crystal throwing paroxysm, but I need to know......

...what do you put in the decanter?

MonstrousRatbag · 14/07/2015 14:06

How far did he manage to throw it? Is there scope for a shot-putting career here?

NickyEds · 14/07/2015 14:08

Yes...what do you put in the decanter? We've just moved into a properly grown up house and dp and I were considering a decanter (I blame mad men), a whole drinks cabinet actually. But we don't really drink at home so we'd have to put Vimto in itGrin.

You shouldn't give him the money by the way. Little sod broke something valuable and important to you in a temper tantrum. He need to learn it's not on.

DJThreeDog · 14/07/2015 14:11

Oh apologies, I was reading the whole thread and it had been updated by the time I posted! (RE the phone I mean)

(Although I still think he hasn't actually had a punishment)

kali110 · 14/07/2015 14:36

But he hasn't learnt anything has he? You've just let him off.
He broke something very precious to you, a half arsed apology and now you're still going to give him hundreds to go on holiday 'because he was looking forward to it?'
Well he shouldn't have broken your property in the first place!

DragonWithAGirlTattoo · 14/07/2015 14:43

it was a deliberate act to destroy something of yours - that in itself is definitely not the fuck on!

he MUST replace it, dont you give him that money for his trip

DragonWithAGirlTattoo · 14/07/2015 14:44

absolutely no way should you let him off and give him the money

HE picked it up and threw it, not you!

WankerDeAsalWipe · 14/07/2015 14:47

I am firmly in the camp that the replacement decanter is restoration, not a punishment and also originally believed that the £500 should have been kept back. However, the OP has now told us that the £500 wasn't a handout being given out for nothing in order for him to enjoy his holiday, it was a reward for working hard for his exams which presumably he did. Had that money already been paid to him for that, it wouldn't be part of that equation. Apologies if I have the timing wrong, but all exams here have been sat and holidays commenced so I presume the work has taken place?.

Therefore, for me I think there is still a punishment to hand out, but it has to be unrelated to the £500 and the replacement of the decanter. That is up to the OP obviously but that's my view. :)

WankerDeAsalWipe · 14/07/2015 14:51

I'd be questioning if he was mature enough for the holiday tbh but he is 18, I don't think that's your call anymore. If the way he handles conflict is to behave like a 2 year old then that that doesn't sit well when travelling away with people in a confined space with bongos

He might get himself in a bit of bother especially if alcohol becomes a feature.

That said, we don't all behave the same way in the world as we think we can get away with at home.

sleeponeday · 14/07/2015 15:01

He needs to learn that actions have consequences, for one, and two, if he has such strong and militant beliefs, what the fuck is he doing asking Mummy to cough up for him to have a mini Gap Yah, anyway?

I knew people like him at uni, and tbh they fucked me off to fuck. They always pontificated on about their fantasy left wing identification before taking up high-paying jobs at ICI, and becoming the Toriest Tories that ever did Tory. Lots went to places like Eton. They were tourists playing at poverty - one little gang even took advantage of a local guy's sympathy for the homeless so they could play at living in a squat. You can imagine his delight when he discovered that the "homeless" kids in fact inhabited an Oxbridge college in term, and very nice parental homes in the holidays. Pretty cut-glass, under the mockney. He'll never seek to help homeless kids again. Nice work, brats.

I grew up with a disabled sibling in a housing association flat with a single mother. Kids like your son still make me angry. Tell him to listen to Pulp's Common People, because everyone does, indeed, hate a tourist. Pointless bourgeois materialism would include poncey, parentally-funded, didgereedoo-accompanied road trips - and tell him to look up the Aboriginal position on cultural appropriation while he's at it, if he's quite this keen on checking privilege. He's not so good at recognising his own, is he?

And for the record, poor household or not, I was brought up to value the feelings of others. It doesn't matter what he broke. You loved it, and he destroyed it. He has to be an adult and face the realities. That means going without something he wants, because money - even Mummy's money - does not grow on trees, and you put right your mistakes. Especially chosen ones.