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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Can i just check that ainbu

268 replies

Balacqua · 13/07/2015 20:56

A family member has broken something valuable of another ones.

Of course the person who broke it should either sort it out getting fixed, pronto, or go without to come up with the cash to replace it? Right? No matter how expensive it was? No excuses?

Feel like I'm slightly losing my marbles here!

OP posts:
Original poster
Balacqua · 13/07/2015 23:40

I promise! Thanks sock

OP posts:
Original poster
Balacqua · 13/07/2015 23:43

Thanks mrs- that's exactly it, it has worth to me and he needs to appreciate that!

OP posts:
ZazieEnElMetro · 13/07/2015 23:47

Is this some modern day reworking of an Evelyn Waugh novel? It certainly the phrase "first world problem" seem somewhat inadequate in any case.

TracyBarlow · 13/07/2015 23:47

Oh God I'm so torn here. I would absolutely make him pay with the cash you were going to give him.

Inside I'd be absolutely delighted I'd raised a real lefty who thought that possessions were not important.

But then a bigger part of me would be cringing at the sixth form naivety of his thinking and I'd probably end up screaming 'you bloody little shit, you'll realise what an idiot you're being when you grow up and have to actually pay for shit.'

And I'd probably be stifling my laughter while I said it because, actually, he's right. It is just stuff.

So not sure about your AIBU tbh.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 13/07/2015 23:47

riedel.co.uk/riedel

It should be fairly near the bottom of the page but pay attention each one is listed twice with host listings at the same price but one listing of each also comes with some free glasses

DrLego · 13/07/2015 23:47

I'd still give him the money for the trip, but I'd make him suffer first and probably confiscate something in exchange, eg, an xbox type of thing. I only say this because I think a trip is an experience and an item is an item, and he was an arse but I think he probably knows that now. I'd also make him pay me back for the trip with a set monthly amount.

DrLego · 13/07/2015 23:53

I mean, I sort of agree with OP but I think I would still give him the money for the trip. It doesn't mean being soft but I don't see what refusing the trip is really going to achieve in the long run, particularly when replacing decanter. I would suggest this may polarise his opinion even further and ignite future problems. A somewhat obnoxious temperament is a challenge but I think it's not all bad, he's annoying and naive but has a genuine gritty belief in there, and a trip away might be a good idea.

EastMidsMummy · 13/07/2015 23:54

He has been a prick and being a prick has consequences. No Scooby Doo Mystery Machine trip for you, young man.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 13/07/2015 23:57

I agree with TracyBarlow. Which, incidentally is not a sentence I ever thought I'd hear myself say. Grin

I also have an 18 year old DS (well, 17, nearly 18) and whilst I hope I have brought him up to realise that material stuff is not what matters, I'm pretty sure he also knows better than to purposefully damage something that belongs to someone else. Out of respect.

For me, the lack of respect shown to me would mean that he no longer gets the money for his trip. I would be more upset about that than the loss of a decanter.

Zebda · 14/07/2015 00:00

I'm with DrLego. He'd be missing out on a life experience, and his sentiments were not entirely misplaced, albeit he should have chucked his own stuff. It's cool he is not attached to material possessions (although I suspect he feels differently about his iPhone etc).

Tough lesson, but potentially well-learnt - he should find a job/ means of earning and pay it off over time. I would make him sweat for a bit thinking the whole trip was off, telling him he had to pay for the decanter thingy, until he thought of the getting a job idea himself and begged me to let him pay in instalments.

Original poster
Balacqua · 14/07/2015 00:00

Goodness thanks everyone. Time for me to turn in. He just came and gave me a kiss and said that although he couldn't see why I liked it, he was sorry he had made me so unhappy. I said we'd talk more tomorrow, but that I was glad he understands my view. I'm going to sleep a lot lighter than I did last night. Thanks all Flowers

OP posts:
Stratter5 · 14/07/2015 00:02

No Scooby Doo Mystery Machine trip for you, young man.

Grin
Original poster
Balacqua · 14/07/2015 00:03

Thanks sock- I will pore over in the morning!

OP posts:
gamerchick · 14/07/2015 00:31

He couldn't see why you liked it so it was ok to smash up...really?

That sorry sucks monkeys balls Hmm

BlackeyedSusan · 14/07/2015 00:42

I ddoubt my children would have been unaware of the cost of an item... I have probably shrieked it several times in fury already. Blush along with how many christmases theyare worth.

anyway. no holiday money for him. he has to learn the consequences. he should have learned them by now already but some are slow learners in this respect. (hence some of the shrieking mentioned above)

NobodyLivesHere · 14/07/2015 02:02

All I can think is how you think you cant live without a decanter, when I am 34 years old and have never owned a decanter so now I'm wondering what the hell I've missed all these years!!
Grin

MidniteScribbler · 14/07/2015 02:14

Inside I'd be absolutely delighted I'd raised a real lefty who thought that possessions were not important.

Inside I'd be absolutely devastated that I raised a brat who thought that had so little respect that they could smash other people's possessions.

Garlick · 14/07/2015 02:18

Well, I'm glad you two are getting somewhere Grin

I don't think I'd make him cancel what sounds like an amazing trip over this, but would try to sort out some means of making it up to you realistically.

tumbletumble · 14/07/2015 06:39

I agree with DrLego and Garlick. I wouldn't make him miss the trip but I would find another way of making him come up with the money (or half of it anyway). He did a stupid thoughtless thing, but it does sound like it was stupid rather than malicious. The kid throwing the fire extinguisher is a good point to make to him, though.

After a slow start this turned out to be a good thread Smile

WayneRooneysHair · 14/07/2015 06:43

Damn right he should miss the trip, if that happened to me I'd pick him up and sling him through the patio door whether it was open or not.

CalebWomble · 14/07/2015 06:48

He just came and gave me a kiss and said that although he couldn't see why I liked it, he was sorry he had made me so unhappy. I said we'd talk more tomorrow, but that I was glad he understands my view.

That's not a fucking apology. How much you like it has nothing to do it, the point is don't break other people's things. Demonstrate your contempt for material possessions by getting rid of your own, by all means.

My view of the matter would be that he was being a complete arsehole, and he doesn't seem to have understood that.

I prefer the item-for-item reasoning mentioned here though. Does he have any stuff he could sell? I guess I'd tell him it was his responsibility to replace my decanter - within a reasonable, short time frame - and that it was up to him how he raised the money. And then I would punish him in some other way, rather than linking the money and the punishment in the form of the trip. (Possibly he might choose to forgo the holiday as being the easiest way to raise the money?)

Spartans · 14/07/2015 06:53

Either he misses the trip or he seeks all his worldly possessions, that he doesn't need, to raise the money to replace it.

He doesn't sound like a lefty to me. He sounds like he is trying to Russell Brand. He is acting how he think lefty anarchists act. Sounds like he has huge double standards lik RB. He obviously though he was clever making a big scene, but probably didn't realise how much it was worth and feels a bit if a dick.

Going round destroying other people's property is not ok, not going to fix the problem and has consequences.

I wouldn't be proud of this action. Why you be proud of some who smashes other people's property?

cashewnutty · 14/07/2015 07:06

Having looked at the Riedel link could a possible solution be that you pick out, together, a cheaper decanter which he agrees to pay for? Maybe it is just my tastes but the simpler less expensive ones look much nicer and, in my opinion, more classy, than the really expensive ones.

cashewnutty · 14/07/2015 07:09

spartans Where did OP say she was proud of his actions? She is furious with him!

Lweji · 14/07/2015 07:09

Next thing you'll be seeing him being arrested in a riot.

He's not 8, so this would be a breaking point to me and he'd have to make big repairs. Including acting like an adult and earning his keep and paying his way. To the trip and to replace the item. That is how he shows he's sorry.

Right now he knows you're a softy and figured it out that all he had to do was to cuddle you and smile at you and all would be forgotten. Till the next time.