To think that children do care about living in a very messy house?

[bakingmadmum]

A friend of mine put one of those quote thingies on FB today. It is about how the house is messy,because she is spending time with the children,and the children won't care because when they grow up, they will remember the memories, and not the state of the house.

Now, while I largely agree with this, the friend in question has a very, very messy house, bordering on dirty. I am not judging her for this- she has two small children, a large dog, and her husband is a lazy fucking manchild not much help. I know (because she has told me) that the state of the house annoys her. They can't use the kitchen table because it is snowed under, the children are in the same bedroom because the other one is full of junk... They can't use the garden because it is too dangerous. The husband keeps all his hoard of tools and equipment out there, even though they get rained on and rusty.

The thing is, my mum was raised in a similar household. She often talks about how, even as a small child, she was mortified and refused to bring friends over, as she couldn't bear them to see the house. Dirty nappies on the floor for days, the dining room covered in oil because that is where the bikes/junk was thrown, etc. She once visited a friend's house- the family wasn't rich, very solid working class- and thinking they were living in the lap of luxury, because their curtains were clean. She was about 11, and was genuinely baffled- how did they keep them so clean?

Mum has gone the other way now- she is a total clean freak, to the point where it caused massive rows at times, when I was a teen. She couldn't cope with what was, in hindsight, natural teen messiness. Things like a bit of toothpaste on the sink. It was like walking on eggshells for all of us. She has calmed down a bit now, thankfully.

Anyway, I feel a bit sorry for my friend and her children. The kids can't use the table for crafts, or homework, or family dinners, they can't go and play in their own garden. I can't help but feel that this will start to effect them when they get older, despite my friend's denial.

Kate
I think we share a mother. The only thing missing from your story is my mother being constantly late picking us up from school/friends houses and therefore the invitations drying up
And when she did turn up, often the car would be piled high with more junk because she passed an antiques fair/junk shop/boot sale on the way, and our hearts would sink that yet more clutter and crap would be shoe horned into the house that was already groaning at the seams

Of course you can both read/play with your children and have a reasonably clean and tidy home. Unless you plan on playing and reading with them for many hours every day?

I always read every day with DD it was part of her daily routine until she could confidently read by herself.

It was always much nicer and less hassle to read with her in a home where we didn't have to move piles of crap off the sofa before we could sit together and where she could quickly and easily choose her favourite book because they were already neatly lined up on her bookcase.

Much easier to play with her too when there was plenty of clear, unlittered floor space or the kitchen table was already clear of junk and wiped clean.

Easier to be more spontaneous too when you can quickly lay your hands on all the crafty gear and a handy pile of paper. No frustrating hunting for the scissors or the glue pot. Easy to suddenly choose to go swimming together when her swim bag is always ready with clean towel, swimming costume and goggles in it. Not last minute bunting for swim gear only to find it's at the bottom of the laundry basket and the goggles have disappeared without a grace.

I am highly organised and very tidy because I am actually very lazy and like my life to run as smoothly and effortlessly as possible.