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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed of at people that make comments about sons hair

253 replies

ghostspirit · 12/07/2015 14:55

People are really starting to pee me of with comments about my sons hair. person 1 when you getting his hair cut he looks like a girl. says it often-ish

person 2 omg get his hair cut. why do you make him have long hair. your really making him into someone hes not.

Me: i have had is hair cut....her:but a bob why would you do that.

i just feel like shes rude when her son has his hair cut i say its nice which it is. i think my son suits long hair and he does not have to have it shaved like many boys do. and theses things are said whilst hes there.

To be pissed of at people that make comments about sons hair
OP posts:
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25
ouryve · 13/07/2015 10:54

Soozey your comment says far more about you than the mothers you are making assumptions about.

ProcrastinatorGeneral · 13/07/2015 11:03

My son gives zero fucks for anybody's opinion on his hair. It is his hair and he rather likes it as it is. If you told him to get it cut he'd just eyeball you until you give up and take your judgywedgie somewhere else.

To be pissed of at people that make comments about sons hair
dixiechick1975 · 13/07/2015 11:40

Agree it's the style not length causing the issues. If he wants to keep length then go to a decent barbers. I'm guessing he usually goes to a hairdresser who does ladies/girls?

There was a girl at dd's school who had a boys short back and sides just like her older brother. She would have looked a lot better with a short girls style.

GoblinLittleOwl · 13/07/2015 11:47

If he is happy with his hair that is fine.
It is rude of adults to make personal comments about your son's appearance, but you must be prepared for other children to tell him he looks like a girl.
Please don't expect the teacher to prevent children from doing this, because it is impossible, no matter how many talks they have on not making personal remarks.

00100001 · 13/07/2015 11:58

To be honest, do whatever the hell you like. But don't get pissy if people make comments. If you're gonna let a boy have a 'girls' haircut, you're gonna get comments, just like if you let him wear a dress or called him "Tyger-Hunter-Storm" and getting shitty the people call him "ty" for short.

Confused
Lilicat1013 · 13/07/2015 12:18

I am shocked people feel the need to comment to you on this, I am not a fan of longer styles on boys but I don't find it necessary to go round telling people to get their child's hair cut or make negative remarks. It really isn't my business.

There is a massive difference between someone accidentally mistaking him for a girl and making negative comments because they think his hair cut it girly. The first is an accident and the second is out of line.

As long as he is happy with his hair it is all that matters. You could show him some pictures of other styles to see if he likes them but it he likes it how it is that's fine as well.

I kind of get it in reverse, people are horrified when I get my son's hair cut, just like they were with my older son when he is the same age. They always assume his curls wont come back.

With my older son I over heard some women bitching about me after his hair cut, saying how sad it was I had messed up his lovely hair and it would never grow back like that. I was shocked him invested they were in his hair to be honest!

They thing was it does grow back like that and is wild curls again in a few weeks, he was actually on his 3rd or 4th hair cut at the time but they assumed I had never had it cut. It only grew in to waves rather than curls at school age.

The pictures show my older son as a toddler and my youngest son taken a few days ago.

To be pissed of at people that make comments about sons hair
To be pissed of at people that make comments about sons hair
maxxytoe · 13/07/2015 12:18

to be fair , it is an awful hair cut

kathryng90 · 13/07/2015 12:32

My lb is 5 and has the most beautiful curly blonde hair. It's cut into layers and falls in tight ringlets. Have lost count of the 'shame it's lovely hair for a girl' type comments. He adores going to the hairdresser and goes every few weeks to get his fringe cut and a trim. We love it and he loves it. If he hears a negative comment he responds 'I love my curls'. If or when he changes his mind I will cry quietly and do as he wishes.

Oliversmumsarmy · 13/07/2015 12:56

Anyone who actually knows ds thinks his hair suits him. Ds is never going to be your conventional child who grows up to be an accountant, solicitor or architect. He wants to do game design and live in a country where he does not have to wear shoes or clothes with buttons. And for what it's worth if I had my way he would have been called River Tiger Moon.

Anyone who feels the need to comment I just let ds answer them.

saoirse31 · 13/07/2015 14:26

mmmm maybe he'll rebel olivers etc and become an estate agent with short back and sides!!

Oliversmumsarmy · 13/07/2015 15:11

If he did it would be one who wore no shoes. Ds has misshapen feet. He has a doctors letter which says that normal shoes would not be able to fit him. He is in a certain design trainer that we have been going thru the sizes of for the last 8 years but they have altered the style and they do not fit him any more.

CatsCantTwerk · 13/07/2015 16:25

Although it is really rude of people to comment in front of your ds, I do think you need to take him for a proper 'boys' cut as it is rather girly looking.

ProcrastinatorGeneral · 13/07/2015 16:44

Why does anybody need a gender conforming haircut?

It's just hair. If people weren't so damn stupidly obsessed with stereotyping it wouldn't be a issue. Live a little and stop bullying children!

00100001 · 13/07/2015 16:49

No-one needs one, but of you choose to do something like that, you will get comments.

Whathaveilost · 13/07/2015 16:58

Hen DS was at primary school he had uber long hair, longer than your sons. It went past his shoulder blades.
My rule was he could have it that long but as soon as the school says it needs to be cut it goes and he had to keep it clean.

If people said anything I just said 'go and tell him that!' They never did.
He had it cut for high school and now he wears it short. ( because that's what he likes now)

I admired ( and still do) his confidence and the ability to stand up for himself.

ZaZathecat · 13/07/2015 16:59

Perfect excuse to post a picture of Avery from Nashville!

To be pissed of at people that make comments about sons hair
ErrolTheDragon · 13/07/2015 17:25

"Well then your mums should get out more."
Out of the mouths of babes... yup, and so should a few MN posters! Grin

And even if you think that there really is such a thing as a 'boys' or 'girls' haircut, anyone who comments negatively in the child's presence deserves a 'did you mean to be so rude?'.

EmmaWoodlouse · 13/07/2015 17:26

YANBU, so long as your son is generally happy with his hair (how he reacts in the heat of the moment when he's just been insulted doesn't really count). Personally I don't much like really short hair on boys, but I think it should be an individual choice and I would never openly criticise anyone for it, nor should they criticise boys with longer hair. Both my DSs have shortish hair now, having had it longish in their mid teens, but that's OK - it's their hair, their lives! (Oliversmumsarmy, one of mine is thinking of going into games design too!)

I know a 10 year old boy with hair very similar to the OP's picture. If anything it's a bit longer at the moment, but similar in texture - almost completely straight, without layers. He dresses (when not in uniform) in a cool, outdoorsy sort of style (he has been described as looking like a little snowboarder) and I don't think any sensible person would mistake him for a girl - his body language, bone structure and behaviour are all boy. He is very well liked by both sexes and several other boys have said they wished they could have hair like his. I happen to know this boy keeps his hair long by his own choice. His parents don't make him, as his brother has quite short hair. On rare occasions when someone has tried to make fun of his hair he has cheerfully said that he likes it and wants to grow it even longer when he's older.

Which brings me to my other point. People who say parents shouldn't let boys have long hair because they might get teased are missing one important fact. Being teased only matters if the person being teased is upset by it. If they laugh it off and honestly don't mind, why is it such a big deal? Some people, like the boy I mentioned, would rather handle a bit of good-natured teasing than change something about themselves that is important to them.

Sidge · 13/07/2015 17:35

In a similar vein my DD1 (16.5) has VERY short hair, think cropped with a small quiff. I think she looks beautiful but she is very slender and wears androgynous clothing so does get mistaken for a boy. It bothers her sometimes but not enough to grow her hair.

I think long hair on boys can look fine, but does depend on the condition and style. Also if the boy has quite feminine features it may mean more occasions at being mistaken for a girl, but if he's not bothered by that then there's no issue really.

diddl · 13/07/2015 17:35

I think that the shorter hair looks much better.

Maybe grow the bob out so that he has just long straight hair?

redfairy · 13/07/2015 17:49

YANBU to think it's rude to comment on your sons hair...I wouldn't. But, privately I would be judgy if I'm honest and I do see it as class thing. I see more boys with long hair at National Trust properties than anywhere else Grin

SingForBacon · 13/07/2015 17:53

My children chose how they want their hair. One of my sons has long hair, the other has a completely shaved head (they are 11 and 7), it's not my decision it is theirs, not sure what class that puts me in ;)

ShatnersBassoon · 13/07/2015 17:54

The shorter hair suits his face well. The problem with the long hair is that it's a deliberate style; most long hair on boys has that 'this is just the way it falls, it could probably do with a trim if I could be bothered' look. A 1400s bob is an unusual look, which is why people find it remarkable. It's not that it's long, it's just the style is a little out of the ordinary.

Bunbaker · 13/07/2015 18:03

"A 1400s bob is an unusual look,"

That's it exactly. It wouldn't look out of place with a medieval costume. The OP's son has a lovely cheeky face and IMO looks better with shorter hair, but I would never be rude about his hair.

nigelslaterfan · 13/07/2015 18:03

I think if you're ever going to be assertive in your style you need to be assertive about it.

So if he's going to have long hair you could get on the front foot and just say I like it or he likes it and we know that it makes other people uncomfortable but there it is and then change the subject, get on the front foot and take the initiative away from the quibblers.
I learned to do that when people kept asking me why I only had one child and I didn't want to go into private fertility issues! People are unfathomably tactless.

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