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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you've ever experienced a house get out of control

362 replies

atthelake · 12/07/2015 10:33

That gives a weird image of a tantrumming house but the truth isn't so funny.

House is disgusting. Repulsive, awful, dirty. I just can't seem to manage it. I used to be able to. Now I'm struggling so much.

I'm talking washing up on the dirty sofa and piles of dirty clothes and crisps trodden in carpet upstairs and bathroom full of clothes and cat wee (thanks cat) and empty bottles and half full bottles of drinks and tin openers in lounge and cobwebs and muck and dirt.

Am i trying to have my child taken off me or something? :)

I semi confided in a friend yesterday who said she had found it hard until she went on ADs.

Is this the answer? When I've taken them in the past I just felt flat but maybe I didn't try the right ones or for long enough.

It's getting me down, it's getting everybody down but it's as if I cant. Sometimes I make some vague attempt to clear some rubble but it barely makes a dent.

OP posts:
BlackeyedSusan · 12/07/2015 12:49

right, now did I say I was going to put the laundry away ..

Blush
Steadycampaign · 12/07/2015 12:50

It sounds like you are ill with depression. And it is your depression that is making you think that way because (honestly!!) a true friend would not be horrified or shocked at the state of your house, they would be pleased and honoured that you had asked for help.

Try and be kinder to yourself and give yourself a break. We all go through lows in life when things get on top of us horribly and we need a bit of help. Five years ago my house really got on top of me and I had to ask my sister to come out (we live abroad) and help.

Would you feel this guilty if you had a physical illness and needed help? Would you think badly of a friend with a mental health issue who needed help? I bet you wouldn't!! So why apply such harsh standards to yourself?

Take care x

LeBearPolar · 12/07/2015 12:51

You have had loads of useful advice of what works - has any of it helped? Because as a PP said, you don't seem really inclined to do anything about it. If the thought of cleaning for an hour makes you want to cry, do the fifteen minute slots as many others have suggested.

answersonapostcardplease · 12/07/2015 12:51

I'll get flamed for this. Consider getting rid of the cat, we had the sane problem. I feel so much better now my hoyse doesn't smell.

Original poster
atthelake · 12/07/2015 12:52

I do know what you mean but in fairness I would be shocked if I saw a home like mine where children are being raised.

OP posts:
Steadycampaign · 12/07/2015 12:52

Sorry - thread moving on v quickly - that last post of mine was in relation to op saying they couldn't invite a friend around or take a photo.

Original poster
atthelake · 12/07/2015 12:53

I know LeBear and I have done bits as I'm posting.

But the house is still a tip and I just want it to be tidy and clean and pretty.

I couldn't get rid of cats, nowhere would have them anyway!

OP posts:
Steadycampaign · 12/07/2015 12:54

I honestly honestly (mean this genuinely) don't think they would be shocked if you had asked for help and were therefore making steps (however small) to try and improve things. x

Original poster
atthelake · 12/07/2015 12:56

No trust me on this!

OP posts:
gymboywalton · 12/07/2015 12:58

But the house is still a tip and I just want it to be tidy and clean and pretty.

rome wasn't built in a day! it took time for it to get in a state, it will take time to clean! and that's ok!

whereabout in the country are you?

Steadycampaign · 12/07/2015 12:58

Oh and btw, it is the not doing things and worrying and feel ashamed and the pressure building up that really really does drain you of energy (this happened to me). I felt I didn't have an ounce of energy left to clean or organise and I did not believe people when they said that "doing something, just anything" would create energy in itself. But I was wrong and it really did. Start slowly and do a few things - it will feel horrible - and you will feel awful at first. But once you have achieved one small thing, it does give you the impetus to go on and do something else - not immediately - but it does eventually I promise. x

KetchupIsNearlyAVegetable · 12/07/2015 12:59

I lived in a fixer upper house. I love a clean and tidy house. It turned into a shit heap. Why? If the room still looks shit even after I've cleaned and tidied then I really can't motivate myself to do it. I need the "aaaah, this is lovely" reward at the end.

I only realised this after I painted one room (badly, over the old crappy wallpaper) and got a bookshelf I actually liked. All of a sudden it was easy to keep that room nice.

Could that be part of your problem?

Can you afford to makeover a room so it makes you feel happy when it is clean and tidy?

FreakinScaryCaaw · 12/07/2015 13:00

I used to be like this and am still pretty untidy.

One thing I used to do is start a motivational thread on here. We'd report back on our progress. It really helped.

Original poster
atthelake · 12/07/2015 13:00

YY ketchup definitely.

Am pregnant so when baby is here yes that can be project no1

OP posts:
Postchildrenpregranny · 12/07/2015 13:01

You sound unwell to me .I think you should see a Dr ASAP .This level of lethargy/feeling overwhelmed is not usual,not even with a very small child ,and especially if your partner is helpful when he is there
Feeling unable to have people round is a vicious spiral as you will feel even more demotivated/depressd

Steadycampaign · 12/07/2015 13:01

'Trust me on this'

Do you mind me asking, does that mean you are afraid of how your immediate family will judge you? Well, you might be right or you might be pleasantly surprised. And if they do judge you negatively, then you have tried, and they are the wrong people to help you. But it sounds as if you you do need some help as we all do from time to time.

Good luck with it.

Steadycampaign · 12/07/2015 13:03

Ketchup that is fab advice (which I wish I had followed years ago). That is exactly the situation I am in.

Mintyy · 12/07/2015 13:04

Op.

  1. Tomorrow morning at 8am ring your GP and make an urgent appointment for yourself.
  1. Get off Mumsnet! Put your phone or laptop or tablet down. You could have thrown out all the actual rubbish in the house and done a load of dishes or a load of laundry in the time you have spent on here this morning.

You are unwell. Going to the GP is an absolute priority. You haven't listened to a single suggestion on here, you seem to be beyond that. So stop asking for help from Mumsnet and ask for it from your GP.

Original poster
atthelake · 12/07/2015 13:04

Oh I'd get judged definitely I honestly think most people would call SS. I wouldn't blame them and am worried about doctor as a result.

I know it's lazy but I've not really for up properly for a few days now, I just don't want to be sat up.

OP posts:
ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 12/07/2015 13:04

Going to be cruel to be kind here...

You keep asking how people with clean houses do it. Well that's just it, they do it.

My house is by no means a show home but it's passable. I spent an hour cleaning downstairs this morning while baby slept. I'll do the bathroom while the boys are in the bath later. I'll do half an hour upstairs tonight after bedtime. I do this about twice a week, plus run around for 10 mins or so putting toys etc back in the right rooms most evenings, and washing up every day.

It's really not that time consuming and it makes me feel so much happier when the house it's tidy. Strangely, ds1 behaves better in a tidy house too.

If you really can't envisage a way to get your house clean then I do think you need to speak to your gp. It could be depression holding you back.

Original poster
atthelake · 12/07/2015 13:05

Tbf minty I've done more this morning than all week.

It isn't great but I've scratched the surface.

OP posts:
Original poster
atthelake · 12/07/2015 13:06

I think you're right ATruth

OP posts:
DinosaursRoar · 12/07/2015 13:10

If the idea of cleaning for an hour is too much, start with a 15 minute blitz then break for 15 then another 15 minute blitz. I used to have a cleaner when I worked, they did my whole house in 3 hours (2 woman for 1.5 hours) it was their job, they just cleaned but that's all it took to have my home 'show home perfect' and it's a 3 bed semi. So look at it like this, as you also have to tidy, you need to find 5 hours in a week. That's an hour a day with 2 days off, which is finding 4 15 minute slots. Start with one room, and tidy the clutter, even if it's just dumping it in other rooms for now, then clean that room. Do your sitting room to start with.

15 minutes if you don't allow yourself to get distracted should be enough to tidy your front room unless it's huge. bin bag out, run to other rooms with the things that go in them then back for a cuppa, but then next 15 minutes, hoover, wipe down serfaces.

You can do that, it'll be a good start and leave you feeling like yo'uve achieved something.

The hardest part will be starting, once you have, you can do this. Don't stop today until 1 room is perfect. Just one room. You can do it.

Steadycampaign · 12/07/2015 13:10

No wonder you are tired being pregnant with a one year old

Most professionals will understand that too

If you feel too tired to sit up, then you definitely need to see your gp - potential mh issues aside - you could have severe anaemia for one thing

I think you would be judged more adversely if you don't go to doctor, and don't get help.

I have to go and do my own chores now but good luck and hope you can find a way through.

GlitzAndGigglesx · 12/07/2015 13:11

I have witnessed it and the person has been messy all their life, but things got worse when they had 2 DC. Lots of stuff happened and she is now on medication for anxiety and gradually getting on top of things

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