To ask if you've ever experienced a house get out of control

[atthelake]

That gives a weird image of a tantrumming house but the truth isn't so funny.

House is disgusting. Repulsive, awful, dirty. I just can't seem to manage it. I used to be able to. Now I'm struggling so much.

I'm talking washing up on the dirty sofa and piles of dirty clothes and crisps trodden in carpet upstairs and bathroom full of clothes and cat wee (thanks cat) and empty bottles and half full bottles of drinks and tin openers in lounge and cobwebs and muck and dirt.

Am i trying to have my child taken off me or something? :)

I semi confided in a friend yesterday who said she had found it hard until she went on ADs.

Is this the answer? When I've taken them in the past I just felt flat but maybe I didn't try the right ones or for long enough.

It's getting me down, it's getting everybody down but it's as if I cant. Sometimes I make some vague attempt to clear some rubble but it barely makes a dent.

My house was like this, I was ashamed to even open the door - the garden looked like a council tip, I cringe just thinking of it
Switch off the internet, it's an awful distraction
Take one room at a time, a roll of bin bags per room and get rid of the rubbish, don't think of anything else just get rid of the rubbish - get it to the tip if you can, you'll feel strangely satisfied each trip you take.
Soak the pots ready to be washed, put on some bright cheerful music and blitz them
I allocated a week to clear the washing and now put a load in a night to keep on top of it
You can do it, my house is still 'lived in' but I can now open the door without cringing - I am pretty lazy and still only do the minimum, but I wash pots up as soon as meals are finished and make sure rubbish goes straight in the bin. Don't focus on what still needs doing, keep focusing on what you've done
Good luck you can do it

Does the 1 year old nap? If so use that time to make a start. Blitz it. As much as you can. It's hard tidying up with a small person following behind undoing it (been there!) but if you can see the result it's such a motivation.

Don't worry too much about the tidying yet, just get rid of the crap and make some piles. Eg dirty dishes all by the sink, dirty washing all in one place, clean washing in another. Then tackle a pile. 1 year old can play while you do the dishes/put a wash on etc.

Small but ruthless steps

"In between posting on here I have actually cleaned the toilet ugh skidmarks and cleared some rubble - empty drinks bottles mainly and the remains of some chips last night but I lose focus/concentration halfway through."

The losing focus and concentration is likely to be related to the large amount of clutter around the place. It's REALLY hard to focus when you have so much stuff. It's weird because I never really thought this was true, but it is. So be kind to yourself and realistic. If you are horrified by the thought of cleaning for an hour then break that up into four 15 minute blocks. Have you heard of Pomodoros? You can get timers for those to work for 15/25 minutes at a time. As you get more into the rhythm you can increase the timer, if you like.

Even when it was hot here last week (I live abroad remember) it was 34 degrees in the house, we were all too hot to do anything and then one day I got fed up and cleared up all of the ambient clutter and somehow the heat felt less oppressive and it was actually more comfortable. Just by organising the dirty plates into one pile and taking boxes, toys and clothing off of the floor and sofa. Don't underestimate the effect that all of it is going to be having on your general mood.

I'm sorry but your replys are just full of excuses. You say a Bin bag dosent make a difference but it's a start and one less pile of rubbish. Start bit by bit.

I find if I put some cheesy music on really loud while I am doing it time seems to go quicker. Blast out some Taylor Swift as you vacuum and it won't seem so bad.
Make yourself vacuum for 1 song, clean bathroom for 1 song, chuck stuff in bin bags for 2 songs and so on.
Reward yourself with something nice if you can get a whole room done. maybe?

what have you done today atthelake?

I have to go out now but will be back later.

Well done for posting. It's hard and you were very brave. I believe that you can change this.

FlyLady. Great system, well, way of life really. And great for people with depression.

Do you work or study daily?

If not;

Get out of the house. Every day. Then come back to it with fresh eyes.

If you are at home a lot, you can acclimatize to the mess.

I would definitely start by collecting every scrap of dirty washing and pile it all somewhere - in front of the washing machine or even in the bath! Your floors and surfaces will look clearer. Put one load on. You can only do one load at a time anyway so don't worry about the rest, as least you know where it is.

Then like pp have said, take bin bags into every room and try and fill a bag from each room in, say, a minute. Take those bags to the tip. That's not even an hour's work but I bet the place will look better after that even if it's only a little bit.

This is how I do a room: I bring in a bin bag and put that in the middle of the room. Then I work my way round the room. Anything that belongs elsewhere in that room goes there - don't worry about making shelves or drawers neat, just approximate is Ok for the first go round. Rubbish goes in the bag. Washing flung into a pile outside the room. Anything that belongs in another room in a pile just outside the door of the room. Don't worry about anything from another room! Then when the "stuff" is at least roughly organised I sweep the floor and wipe the surfaces. If I want to then organise books on shelves and the like I can but at least it's clean and there's nothing in the room that belong anywhere else.

Poor you, you do sound really down. Hope your gp can give you the support you need. In the meantime, are there any adults around in rl that can help you out? I am sure a Mumsnetter in your area would be willing to come and assist if you ask for help.

A couple of practical things that might help:

Flylady crisis clean instructions here

(Ignore barftastic language - underlying principles are sound)

buy a timer and start just doing 5, 10 and 15 min of focused effort on firstly (a) throwing rubbish away (b) picking up dirty clothes (c) tidying up and putting things away. It's amazing what difference even 5 mins of concerted effort can do.

You can't clean clutter so stop wasting your energy on it and get rid.

Do one load of laundry from beginning to end, ie drying and putting away, every day.

Ask a friend (or local Mumsnetter) to come and help for a couple of hours say for two mornings a week.

And most important of all I reckon: ring-fence the time when you clean and the time when you stop and do something more interesting/play with your dd otherwise it's all too groundhog day ...

And ring-fence at least one or two hours per week just yourself to do something that you really enjoy.

Finally, if you want to join us on the (Flylady) Fledglings thread here here you would be really, really welcome. It looks cliquey because loads of us have been on it for years, but it is really friendly. We are not posting Flylady links at the moment during the summer, but will start again in September. The links provide you with daily steps and routines to get back on top of the housework. It might be worth decluttering in July and August and starting Flylady baby-steps (1-31) in September.

Good luck with it all anyway, however you decide to tackle it. But definitely would recommend a trip to the GP first. Ban negative thoughts and guilt and priortise your own needs for once. Then, once you are feeling better, you will have some energy to expend on your house.

Take it steady. Be realistic. Your house didn't get like that in a day. It will take time to get it back under control. But you can do it!!

Agree that speaking to your GP is a priority, you sound like a classic case for ADs (although I'm not medically trained).

Can I suggest confining that cat to, ideally out doors or at least just one non-carpeted room. Have you any friends or family who could take it off your hands for a while?
I wouldn't normally suggest this but if it is not toilet trained and you have a baby in the house, speaking to a re homing centre might be a good idea.

From reading your posts on this thread I'd be inclined to say, don't even stress yourself out by trying to deal with it until you have seen your GP?

This is a blip, things have got out of control but you will get back in control, you just need a bit of help.

Thanks but honestly I couldn't post a photo or bring a friend round. I just couldn't.

I used to enjoy keeping our home clean and tidy and now it just feels beyond me.

Just you and DH, then, one weekend? Professional cleaners?

It's going to take far longer when you're starting in accumulated mess.

bertie botts I live in the uk (was going to say not abroad, but it would be to you) and it was 35 in the flat last week and high humidity.. so yeah moving is an effort never mind anything else.

Although that's not to say it's impossible - it's still possible. Just harder and less immediate.

take photos for you and see the difference.

I know but if I could remove the clutter and mess the actual cleaning would be easy I think.

I know I sound a bit pathetic sorry.

oh and it is not beyond you. stop looking at it as a whole and go and do one little bit. two minutes putting five or ten things inthe bin.

Try not to think of it as a whole house that needs doing - focus on one task at a time, get rid of the rubbish, then focus on a room at a time, having one room looking lovely with inspire you to move on to the next. Put on some music as a poster above said, it really does make things easier.
Focus the day on getting one room looking good (don't think of perfect but to a state you are happy with) then move on to the next - sorry to sound harsh but you do need to stop making excuses (and I made them all!!) it's not going to be easy but you need to make a start

i would shove all the dirty washing in binbags and take it to a launderette and ask them to do service washes on it all. it will all come back clean, dry and folded and ready to put away.

clearing it out of the house will give you extra space so you can see what needs doing.

I do that every day Susan this is why I'm saying it feels like it's beyond me.

I haven't read yhe whole thread.

Op if you think you might be depressed, please see your GP. although ads may help your state of mind, i'm not sure they will help with the house. Mine zonk me out.

15 mintue blocks may be the way forward. Clean for 15 (use timet) then sit for 15.

Did I read ironing? Sod that. I barley iron a thing. If were crumpled so what? Dh irons his shirts for work. I'd concentrate on the cleaning.

If you can get it into a state were you could get a cleaner, go for it. A deep clean will make you feel so much better.

do go and see a GP - it sounds like you really need it.

You will be able to do it again, when you are feeling better.

go on, you can do it. not pathetic, just that you are loooking at the whole and you need to focus on something that you can do today. when I look at the whole. (just did and there was a lot of wailing before I read this thread,) then I am paralysed with fear and can not tackle anything.