To ask if you've ever experienced a house get out of control

[atthelake]

That gives a weird image of a tantrumming house but the truth isn't so funny.

House is disgusting. Repulsive, awful, dirty. I just can't seem to manage it. I used to be able to. Now I'm struggling so much.

I'm talking washing up on the dirty sofa and piles of dirty clothes and crisps trodden in carpet upstairs and bathroom full of clothes and cat wee (thanks cat) and empty bottles and half full bottles of drinks and tin openers in lounge and cobwebs and muck and dirt.

Am i trying to have my child taken off me or something? :)

I semi confided in a friend yesterday who said she had found it hard until she went on ADs.

Is this the answer? When I've taken them in the past I just felt flat but maybe I didn't try the right ones or for long enough.

It's getting me down, it's getting everybody down but it's as if I cant. Sometimes I make some vague attempt to clear some rubble but it barely makes a dent.

Were are you op? I'd be happy to help, no jusgement here.

I often get distracted when I try to tidy up and something I have found really helpful is the Flylady Crisis Clean podcast (free on itunes and elsewhere, just google it). I stick on my headphones and press play and she talks you through an hour of tasks that are designed to 'make the most difference'. The language is a bit twee at times but it certainly keeps me on task and by the end of the hour I have chucked rubbish, done a heap of washing up, corralled the clutter and hoovered the middle of all the carpets and things do seem a lot better. I think her theory about not having to do things perfectly is very useful too. In the past I wouldnt have got the hoover out unless the floor was completely clear hence it never got hoovered! Now I can see that hoovering the bits I can get to makes it look better than not hoovering at all!

i put episodes of 'how clean is your house' on on youtube-HUGE inspiration!

It really is pointless cleaning or boxing things up or tidying when in fact you need to chuck loads out first.

Read the Marie kondo book. She talks about looking at each item and only keeping it if it brings you joy or is really useful. Everything else is must be got rid of. Drastic action but life changing

Thank you. Fell asleep

I've dealt with midwife by clearing the lounge a bit and closing doors

You're right I just need to DO it.

you are doing it... you have been saying through out that you have done this and that. just keep going, a little bit at a time.

some people work best doing it in small chunks, some best by doing a bit here and there until motivation strikes, some by doing it in a big go. do what is best for you.

anything will help. if you do not feel like one thing as it is too overwhelming, do something else, it will help you go back and tackle the thing that was too much.

good that you have slept, you will have more energy to do abit more.

what is next on your list?

You started this post four hours ago - what did you get done in that time? If you need a kick up the arse, then you can get one, but it's ultimately a case of just getting on with it.

(Disclaimer: I bloody hate tidying, but my untidy house makes me furious and miserable)

I am an untidy bugger but would be more than happy to arm myself with spray and rubber gloves and help out someone who was struggling. If you could give is an idea of where you are I bet there is someone nearby who could give you a hand?
I was delivering a note to someone the other day, a single man. He invited me in - there was, I tell you, not a thing out of place. I don't think I have a particular problem but ther is no way in the world I could invite someone in without at least half an hour's notice!

I can completely see how this is a chicken and egg situation. The house is a mess which makes you feel depressed, you're not having anyone over to socialise which makes you feel more depressed, there is no fresh air or space URGH! I feel depressed just thinking about it.

Here's the thing people don't often say about depression. Excluding those life long suffers, those with serious depression and concentrating on situational depression- which I presume yours would be as you haven't mentioned a history? With that depression, you often need to help yourself get better. It's not like recovering from flu where if you rest enough you will be better one day. It's not like a UTI where a course of antibiotics will clear the infection. Even antidepressants are generally only there to give you the space and energy to do something about the situation making you depressed. Be that changing things, CBT, etc.

So even if you get help from
The GP, you are going to have to do something, and soon. Seeing the GP on Monday won't solve this problem. Even if you have a medical condition there is no quick fix.

But there are quick fixes to your house and many have been suggested here. Putting on washing, bin bag blitz, bleaching the loos, soaking the washing up. You have to do something, and do it now.

Also, how is your partner "helping loads" when you're in this awful state? It doesn't sound as though he is.

The tiredness and lethargy could be due to anaemia as well so I'd say a visit to the GP is a priority. They'll run some blood tests.

Thanks. Calla I've done bits like I said. I feel like I shouldnt have posted when people sat stuff like that. But I have been asleep.

Oh bless you op you do sound low

I think it's probably not as bad as you think

But I agree with others and think you should see your gp

How far along are you? I found that in early pregnancy I was absolutely shattered but then I got my energy back and the nesting kicked in. I do believe it was shampooing a carpet on my hands and knees brought on my labour with ds (maybe I'd gone a bit too far by that point).
I also agree with the person who said that doing nothing makes you tired. When I know there is a lot of housework needs doing it is far too easy to nod off on the sofa and then I feel even worse. If I make a start then I do feel more energetic.
In this house we have THE LIST. (Yes we do say it with capital letters in doom-laden tones!). THE LIST is jobs that need doing. It started off very very long but now thankfully is much shorter. Some are big jobs (new roof on shed) which are admittedly still waiting to be done, but others are much easier (clean fridge/get cobwebs down from landing) and don't take too long. If you try to do one thing every day it feels good to tick anything off, even if it's one of the small things. The good thing about THE LIST is that dh can help at the weekend by doing one of the things or just giving me a hand with something I can't manage on my own. He can see what needs to be done and so make sure he has the proper tools or whatever in advance. Plus, if he can see I've done a few jobs he doesn't feel so hard-done-by, and I don't feel I have to nag. I just say what have we got on the list? Joint effort you see, psychology .
Unfortunately things still keep getting added to the list but that's life I guess. I can't say the place ever feels really tidy but at least it's clean (mostly).

Yes OP I have. It tends to happen when my eating also gets out of control. I just get swamped by apathy (I have low level depression and anxiety which ebbs and flows).

Stuff is the biggest problem - I realised this after finding it so much easier to keep a holiday house clean than our own house. I actually enjoyed cleaning it because there was nothing in the way. My plan for going forward is to try and bin as much stuff as I can because everything is easier to clean then.

Firstly you are pregnant with a one year old, that's not easy. It is worth going to GP because there could be other reasons as well as depression which could make you tired.

There is lots of good advice here, and my house is a mess too,but one thing that I have found through trying to sort it out is that sometimes it is worth concentrating on less used spaces. I could clean the floor in the sitting room on a thrice daily basis, but with the dc it will soon get messy again. I have just tidied a shelf in the bathroom and I know that it will probably stay in that state for a couple of weeks because it is generally just me that uses those things. Each time I look at it I remind myself that it is one less messy area. Each day I try to sort out one less used area as well as trying to keep on top of the high useage areas such as kitchen and sitting room.

What has worked for me in the past is seeing how much I can do during the adverts while I'm watching TV. I can do some washing up in one, empty some bins in the next, then clean the bath, you get the idea.

I hate doing housework, especially the day in, day out drudgery that needs doing. I don't get bored doing it this way.

The only way I sorted my house was to only keep a few things in it! Seriously I am calm now and there is no mess. You really do not need as much stuff as you think. Get rid of as much as you can.

I have 5 under 8 and my house is in a bit of a state, i keep on top of the essentials like the washing up,laundry and i hoover most days,but the house itself is in a bit of a bad state and its all just a bit tatty and grimy.I am moving in couple of weeks luckily so can strart afresh.

Try and get intot he habit of doing things, i have started cleanng the bathroom while my kids are in the bath (i use natrual cleaning products except bleach for the loo) and i hoover every night after diiner and before bed.

The washing up and table is wiped straight away after every meal and put the toys away before lunch and dinner.

Recycling and rubbish goes out before i go to bed.

Just try to make one habit at a time and slowly you will get there.

Its important you try and get on top of things like cat wee and rubbish lying about as that's not great for the baby to be around.

Speak to midwife/doc re tiredness. You don't have to say "My house is in such a state I am worried SS will come and take my children". You just say that you're finding it difficult to keep on top of things.

If the clutter and the excess and the mess is the main issue that you want to fix first, then I would most definitely go for the Marie Kondo book. Honestly, I tried everything and this is the only one which actually appears to be sticking. She even talks in the book about why other "decluttering" methods don't work.

I just wanted to say I do think you should get yourself checked at your GP's if you're pregnant and this exhausted you could very well be anaemic. I would also say get your thyroid checked. Mine is underactive and a lack of energy and motivation are both big symptoms of it. You may have depression and that needs treating but equally you could have other medical conditions that need looking into

Last year I decided to do a clearout of our clean but cluttered two bed apartment. I threw out 28 black sacks of crap. Not rubbish, no dirt just crap that had just gotten stuck at the back of cupboards etc. So one bag wouldn't make a huge impact but the difference after the declutter (which took about a week of very hard work) was amazing. It was a pleasure to come home.

So finally my suggestion is to pick a room and make it nice for yourself. Maybe it's your bedroom. Tidy it, strip and change beds, Hoover and polish it. Then tonight have a cosy early night and you'll feel better for it.

Flylady is brilliant helps you let go of guilt and do it bit by bit

Sometimes it's a case of waiting till the right bit of the day.

Some people swear by doing the bulk of their housework in the evening and into the early night once the DCs are meant to be in bed. Not necessarily because of work constraints, but because it suits their own body clock or their personal childcare timetable better.

Me, i need to get it done by mid day or i know it aint getting done! I wake early,and can keep at it till midday, but flag badly by 2/3 pm. Little DD4 sort of accompanies me round the house and i play with her as i work. Energy and patience are worn to nothing by 5ish and i like to sit my arse down in the evenings.

Maybe pick a couple of hours which you feel most lively at the moment OP? Try and stick to applying yourself then and give yourself permission to stop and flake out afterwards. A week of that and i recon you'll be over the worst of the mess. Then it'll be a case of maintaining the state.

Trying not to sound too patronising, but well done on the bits you've already done. See if you can do one more thing today and come back and tell us what you have achieved.

Do you have any microfibre cloths? A damp one can clear all sorts of crap off everything.

Flylady looks bonkers to me. A shiny sink does not seem anything like a priority in sorting a messy/dirty house, not even top twenty. I had a look but it seems fussy and complicated.

Is there anything with a basic 'do this, this and this' formula, instead of read this. click here, go back to this bit, have you said your mantras, would you like to buy this binder, etc.