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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this isn't quite right?

312 replies

Allisgood1 · 11/07/2015 18:41

Dd (6) in the park after school the other day. She has two best friends, and the backstory (which I won't get into too much) is that one friend has a helicopter mum and has gradually been driving a wedge between not only our relationships but also the 3 girls seem to be playing less and less together.

Anyway, other day helicopter mums (HM) dd had a massive sausage roll. My dd and other friend asked if they could have some. Friend turned to HM and said "do I have to?" And HM said "only if you want". Well she decided that actually she didn't want to. In the end the roll was far too large for her to finish but she still refused to share it and HM said "why didn't you bring a snack?"

Is it me or should we be encouraging our children to share? Confused

OP posts:
MarchLikeAnAnt · 11/07/2015 19:05

Did you at least apologise for your dd s behaviour?

TapTapTapPenny · 11/07/2015 19:05

I think the point is, the mum saying to her dd that the dd need to share if she didn't want to, is discouraging sharing.

This wasn't her last fucking Rolo, it was a sausage roll the size of Ayer's Rock* ie something share-able. I don't read in the OP's posts that her dd was demanding half of it, and I imagine she wanted a bit of it.

How would you feel, YABUers, if your child had a sausage roll/bag of sweets/virtuous smug bag of organic buddhist thin fucking air, and when asked for a taste/bit/chunk/lungful by a friend, you would say 'no you don't have to share if you don't want to?' Because for the most part, I think mners are a nice bunch and would be happy for their friend's child to share a snack.

*I wasn't there, this may be a small exaggeration

ppolly · 11/07/2015 19:06

I think sweets are the only things meant for food sharing amongst children. Not sure why they should be required to share any food, really. I would be most put out if anyone asked to share my snack.

Original poster
Allisgood1 · 11/07/2015 19:07

Hell no I didn't apologize. I would be horrified if it was a random, but it wasn't. She's a close friend and I expect them to share. Dd would have said "sure" in that situation, and has done before.

OP posts:
WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 11/07/2015 19:08

I think 'only if you want to' was the most suitable reply to be honest! It was her treat.

CrystalHaze · 11/07/2015 19:08

Especially as HM then had no issues leaving the park without her dd, presumably expecting me to look after her.

That sounds like the exact opposite of 'helicoptering' Confused

EeyoresTail · 11/07/2015 19:09

What does the mum of your DD'S other friend think? I assume you were there to witness the event? If I were you then when my DD had asked for some of the sausage roll I would have told her that we were eating soon anyway.

FenellaFellorick · 11/07/2015 19:09

I would be really cross with my kids if they asked someone for a share of their food. I would expect them to come to me and ask me to get them something. It's really rude to ask someone to share. I wouldn't do it. Would you? I can't imagine saying to a friend "can I have half your mars bar?" you just don't do it.

However. I would also be really cross if my kids were rude enough to sit there with a snack and not offer to share it!

I think that you shouldn't ask someone for food because that is rude but if you are the one with the snack, it is rude to eat it in front of people who don't have anything and not offer to share.

DeeWe · 11/07/2015 19:10

I know that ds' behaviour is effected drastically by being hungry. He either gets silly and over loud orison a short fuse. So there are times when I take food to stave it off. I would be somewhat irritated to have the other children begging for it.

I also wouldn't want my dc asking for a bite of something. Asking for a crisp once and then not asking again is fin.

MadHenLady · 11/07/2015 19:10

YABU.

I think it would be different if the friend was sitting there with a giant packet of Custard Creams. But how do you even share a sausage roll? Tear it? Yuck. Other people's hands all over the pastry, plus you could never make the shares equal. It just isn't one of those shareable things. I don't think it's polite for DC to pester other people for food, but certainly not something as bloody awkward as a sausage roll.

Why are you so annoyed that the other mum wouldn't let your child have any, considering you don't allow her sausage rolls?

the other mother is slightly BU for giving a big SR as a snack though.

Dorisdolalee · 11/07/2015 19:10

I can't believe these replies!! Of course the kid should have been encouraged to share. Of course your kids are going to ask. Of course the HM is a weirdo.
I don't know anyone who would think any differently. Thank God

MarchLikeAnAnt · 11/07/2015 19:11

A sausage roll isn't really a shareable item though is it? If she was eating a piece of chicken would you expect her to allow your child to take a bite? Of course you wouldn't!

Twinkie1 · 11/07/2015 19:11

I would have been embarrassed at my DC asking someone for food that they were in the middle of eating.

BUT this is going to be one of those AIBU that is almost unanimous that the OP refuses to believe and goes on to add more and more points that she thinks backs up her point when it really doesn't.

ATravellingCircusCame · 11/07/2015 19:13

HM dealt with it perfectly (apart from the 'why didn't you bring a snack?' bit maybe).

I don't think it's outrageous that your DD asked. She's 6 and kids do ask their friends for a crisp/sweet/bite of your sausage roll.

But HM is absolutely right that is her DD's snack and it is up to her whether she shares or not. Encouraging children to share is not the same as forcing children to share.

Maybe she is driving a wedge between the friendship because she finds you and your judgemental attitude a pain in the arse?

Teabagbeforemilk · 11/07/2015 19:13

No the child shouldn't. She had a sausage roll. Singular. I wouldn't expect my kids to share if they had a burger or sandwiche.

Some sweets yes....because they would have a packet of them. One sweet? No I wouldn't expect them to share

Original poster
Allisgood1 · 11/07/2015 19:15

This sausage roll was the size of my arm. It wasn't your typical size sausage roll.

OP posts:
Teabagbeforemilk · 11/07/2015 19:17

And what? I wouldn't share a big tasty

Custardcream14 · 11/07/2015 19:17

YABU.

MarchLikeAnAnt · 11/07/2015 19:17

The size of your arm? Hmm

MadHenLady · 11/07/2015 19:18

Where on earth do you get sausage rolls that size?

Maybe the mother had to rush off somewhere/do something that evening and she was giving the child the sausage roll for tea?

NinkyNonkers · 11/07/2015 19:19

Leaving the child behind hardly sounds like helicoptering.

SideOrderofChips · 11/07/2015 19:20

YABU

Teabagbeforemilk · 11/07/2015 19:20

Shoulder to finger tip?

Tbh if you were in a sausage roll shop, why not just buy her one ?

TapTapTapPenny · 11/07/2015 19:21

Blimey Allisgood1 you're getting a kicking on this thread. Sometimes the first few posts really dictate the way a thread will go - a few aggressive/decisive posts at the beginning and it's like no one dares disagree.

Here is the thing. Two/three friends are in the park. One has a sausage roll the size of an asteroid. Another asks for a bit.

The question of should we encourage children to share (in such a situation) remains unanswered because a lot of folk here have had a long day with their perfectly behaved, ultra polite, very well fed (but not on evil evil fruit) offspring, and are taking out their frustrations with their own splendidness on an anonymous person on the internet.

The question was not 'am I an utter fucker and dreadful parent because I didn't provide my greedy rude kid with a massive sausage roll of their own, causing the wee sod to bully their sweet friend for a chunk of their greasy lump of lard-wrapped pig-gristle?' Or did I misread?

Picture the scene. You are in the park. Your child has a snack. Their friend does not. Friend asks for a bit of your child's snack. Do you:

a) encourage your child to share
b) discourage your child from sharing
c) tell your child they don't have to share if they don't want to, then sod off, leaving your child in the care of their friend's mum, without so much as a by your leave
d) slap someone?

HeisenbergSaysHello · 11/07/2015 19:22

YABU, it was bad manners to ask.