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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this isn't quite right?

312 replies

Allisgood1 · 11/07/2015 18:41

Dd (6) in the park after school the other day. She has two best friends, and the backstory (which I won't get into too much) is that one friend has a helicopter mum and has gradually been driving a wedge between not only our relationships but also the 3 girls seem to be playing less and less together.

Anyway, other day helicopter mums (HM) dd had a massive sausage roll. My dd and other friend asked if they could have some. Friend turned to HM and said "do I have to?" And HM said "only if you want". Well she decided that actually she didn't want to. In the end the roll was far too large for her to finish but she still refused to share it and HM said "why didn't you bring a snack?"

Is it me or should we be encouraging our children to share? Confused

OP posts:
fastdaytears · 12/07/2015 15:43

sharon it's not just any sausage roll. This would be the largest sausage roll I have ever seen and as a sausage roll fan I need to know more.

Teabagbeforemilk · 12/07/2015 16:12

sharon no a sausage roll that could possibly feed the five thousand!!

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 12/07/2015 16:22

With the added detail re. background, no, it's not right that she should try and force your child(ren) to share with her DD, but allow her DD not to share if she doesn't want to, that's ridiculous. One rule for all, not "my DD is far more important than yours and so everyone must bow to her wishes".

Re. the food sharing though, I do agree that it isn't very good manners to ask to have some of someone else's snack and it's a thing I actively discourage in both of my DSs. However, parents of some of DS1's friends don't all feel the same way as I do, so whenever I send DS1 to their house for a play, I send double snacks, because DS1 is a generous soul, and some of his friends always ask if they can have what he's having and he hates to disappoint!

Mind you, if I had a sausage roll the size of my arm, I'd be automatically breaking it into 3 pieces to share among the children!

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 12/07/2015 16:24

Oh okay! Is it the equivalent of those humungous pasties they make in Cornwall known as the beast? As if I had one of those in my mitts I'm afraid I'd nay be sharing either!

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 12/07/2015 16:31
Grin
Original poster
Allisgood1 · 12/07/2015 18:42

Bigbum, I can't just drop her because (until very recently) our children are/were best friends. So I have to put up with/be civil.

OP posts:
SaucyJack · 12/07/2015 19:00

I think it's perfectly reasonable to share a zip wire, but not food.

You don't own the zip wire, and it was not put there by the cahncil for your child's exclusive use so you need to share.

But it's her sausage roll, that she bought for her own kid so more than reasonable to not expect to have to share it with anyone else who happens to have gone to the same public space.

Not difficult to my way of thinking.

Italiangreyhound · 12/07/2015 19:04

TapTapTapPenny re Blimey Allisgood1 you're getting a kicking on this thread. Sometimes the first few posts really dictate the way a thread will go - a few aggressive/decisive posts at the beginning and it's like no one dares disagree.

This is so true!

I am sorry Allisgood1 for any mean comments you have got. It's never helpful, nice or acceptable and it is just plain cowardly!

Wideopenspace · 12/07/2015 19:09

Italian the OP rather set the tone by being such a judgey judgeypants about the other mum.

I think most people are capable of making their own minds up about a post rather than being 'too scared' after the first few responses.

Plus, this thread has been extremely funny...

Original poster
Allisgood1 · 12/07/2015 19:30

Saucy, stop hanging on to the zip wire. The point I'm making is that it's ok for her dd to be selfish not share and not ok for mine or my friends.

And no, I don't have to agree with you all. A few people dared to agreed with me who aren't from the twilight era. There is a difference between asking your best friend for a piece of their food versus just a classmate or random child. I think most of you are missing this point.

OP posts:
Wideopenspace · 12/07/2015 19:33

I think fewer people would have 'missed the point' OP if you hadn't come in with the helicopter parent shite.

And I think the arm sized sausage roll also distracted people.

Then it got all Jesusy, which was, you have to admit, very funny.

Original poster
Allisgood1 · 12/07/2015 19:35

She is a HM. sorry if this distracted you. Wink

And yes, Jesusy was quite amusing Smile (and I say this as a Christian)

OP posts:
Wideopenspace · 12/07/2015 19:36

In your opinion...

bigbumtheory · 12/07/2015 19:36

Allisgood1 Civility is fine but if your dd doesn't want to be friends either then I'd help let the friendship drift.

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 12/07/2015 19:59

After 290 posts I'm guessing someone has used the 'no wonder we are in the midst of an obesity epidemic if parents think giving kids a limb sized sausage roll is normal' line?

Wideopenspace · 12/07/2015 20:01

I'm not sure anyone has Sharon

I think the SIZE of the sausage roll has left most people reeling...

Teabagbeforemilk · 12/07/2015 20:07

I still don't get how asking someone to share something means the person has to share.

That makes the asking obsolete. It's not a question if the answer always has to be 'yes' . It's just a fancy demand to partake in the sauage roll.

Yes I got distracted by the helicopter parent who let her dd make her own decision and handle the situation on her own and then left dd in the park.

Then the sausage roll became arm sized and found myself wondering if I could get away with just one at a buffet in August.

Wideopenspace · 12/07/2015 20:09

Well yes Teabag the helicopteryness (or not) was very distracting.

I suppose one sausage roll at the August buffet would be fine. But would you share? And would there be other things? Bowling ball sized scotch eggs? Emu sized chicken wings?

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 12/07/2015 20:11

GrinGrinGrinGrin At bowling ball size scotch eggs
How about LP sized blinis?

WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 12/07/2015 20:11

Erm... So what exactly is a HM?

Teabagbeforemilk · 12/07/2015 20:13

The sharing will be sil decision. It's her buffet I am helping out. I obviously don't get the concept of sharing. She can decide how to cut it up. Maybe just leave it and see if people fight over it or tear their own chunk off it?

Yes emu wings and a torso sized pork pie. Face sized bread baps....obviously. All food will be sized based on my body. Dh is quite small so a sauage roll based on his arm might not be quite long enough.

Wideopenspace · 12/07/2015 20:14

OOH!! I know, I KNOW!

PICK ME Worlds, PICK MEEEEE!!!

MarchLikeAnAnt · 12/07/2015 20:15

I do hope this thread gets out in classics!

Wideopenspace · 12/07/2015 20:15

I am totally imagining a Bertie Bassett style character made out of savoury buffet snacks...

Teabagbeforemilk · 12/07/2015 20:16

I wonder if I can get the sausage roll actually modelled on my arm? I am a power lifter so have quite big biceps and triceps. Wonder if the baker could sculpt it out of sausage roll. Like people have novelty cakes....novelty sauage rolls!!!

Actually it's a christening. Maybe a baby shaped sausage roll