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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this isn't quite right?

312 replies

Allisgood1 · 11/07/2015 18:41

Dd (6) in the park after school the other day. She has two best friends, and the backstory (which I won't get into too much) is that one friend has a helicopter mum and has gradually been driving a wedge between not only our relationships but also the 3 girls seem to be playing less and less together.

Anyway, other day helicopter mums (HM) dd had a massive sausage roll. My dd and other friend asked if they could have some. Friend turned to HM and said "do I have to?" And HM said "only if you want". Well she decided that actually she didn't want to. In the end the roll was far too large for her to finish but she still refused to share it and HM said "why didn't you bring a snack?"

Is it me or should we be encouraging our children to share?

OP posts:

steff13 · 11/07/2015 18:53

Nah I prefer to give my kids fruit rather than shit snacky foods before dinner. And in days when I know we are having an early dinner I bring nothing. Such as this day.

But you would have been happy for her to have part of her friend's sausage roll?

Original poster

Allisgood1 · 11/07/2015 18:53

March, ha! LOL. I've brought her up like that?? This isn't a random child, it's her best friend.

OP posts:

Teabagbeforemilk · 11/07/2015 18:53

mum not mut

NinkyNonkers · 11/07/2015 18:54

Kids do ask each other for a bit of whatever at times and that doesn't bother me in general if they are close, but I would have done what mother did...told daughter it was her food and as such was up to her.

TapTapTapPenny · 11/07/2015 18:54

YANBU

It's OK for a child to ask if they can have a bit of a huge sausage roll, held in the sticky grasp of their friend.

Yes I think we should encourage children to share.

But I think HM has got on your last nerve and sausagerollgate is the final straw, so to speak.

What was your answer to 'why didn't you bring a snack?'

HM was rude and should buzz off to twirl her passive aggressive blades elsewhere.

atthelake · 11/07/2015 18:54

'Joey doesn't share food'

littlejohnnydory · 11/07/2015 18:54

Nah I prefer to give my kids fruit rather than shit snacky foods before dinner. And in days when I know we are having an early dinner I bring nothing. Such as this day.

Well, then you'll be pleased that your child didn't eat any of that shit before dinner then, won't you? Why didn't you take some fruit? [sceptical]

CrystalHaze · 11/07/2015 18:54

Nah I prefer to give my kids fruit rather than shit snacky foods before dinner. And in days when I know we are having an early dinner I bring nothing. Such as this day.

So then it's preferable to you that daughter of the mother you're judging didn't force her daughter to hand over part of her food on demand, isn't it?

Tapasfairy · 11/07/2015 18:54

Good lord, no she didn't have to share. Personally I Hate sharing, if you wanted a slurp of my wine, I'd be most annoyed with you.

Far too much emphasis on toddlers/ children sharing!

Feed your own!

Totality22 · 11/07/2015 18:55

Nah I prefer to give my kids fruit rather than shit snacky foods before dinner. And in days when I know we are having an early dinner I bring nothing. Such as this day

Well this begs the question as to why your DD was asking for someone else's food does it not?

CrystalHaze · 11/07/2015 18:55

Snap, JohnnyDory!

Original poster

Allisgood1 · 11/07/2015 18:55

I don't take my kids into a sweet shop and say "no sweets". So if she wanted a small piece of sausage roll I had no problem.

OP posts:

AnyoneForTennis · 11/07/2015 18:56

Fruit isn't even that great.... Sugar. Even fruit sugar, not that great

Totality22 · 11/07/2015 18:56

And the irony of you being angry that your DD wasn't allowed some of the shit snacky food you don't allow is not lost on me either!! Nor the fact you started a thread about it!!

Bearbehind · 11/07/2015 18:58

I don't take my kids into a sweet shop and say "no sweets". So if she wanted a small piece of sausage roll I had no problem.

But there's the problem- you didn't take your kids to a sausage roll shop so they had no right to ask for some sausage roll.

You can't be all virtuous about not snacking on shit/ eating before tea and then get the hump when someone else doesn't share with your child,

Susandeath · 11/07/2015 18:59

If my child had asked for someone else for food, and was given it, I would have been annoyed because I don't want my child being given junk, they're allowed treats of course, but at that age I determine what they eat, and when, not anyone else. So yabu, at that age they eat what I want them to eat, because otherwise they would eat junk all day every day. I don't want my kids thinking it's alright to ask other people for food.

Teabagbeforemilk · 11/07/2015 19:00

Are you saying this happened in a sausage roll shop that hm took your child too? So confused

motherwithheadache · 11/07/2015 19:00

well, maybe if there was a pack of biscuit or bag of sweets I might expect children to share. But 1 child with 1 sausage roll...I would have told my dc off for even asking

Rosieliveson · 11/07/2015 19:01

I think it's ok to teach a child that they don't always have to share everything. A packet of crisps or sweets might have been different as the others could have had one but a bite of something seems odd. It could be because I'm a bit funny about germs but I don't like the idea of children passing around a drink or all taking bites of the same food.

NinkyNonkers · 11/07/2015 19:02

She can't win here. If she had forced daughter to share you would be posting this as an example of her 'helicopter' parenting and hissing that she encouraged your kids eating 'shit' before their dinner.

Tapasfairy · 11/07/2015 19:02

And fwiw, mine share really nicely, I think it's because they werent forced to hand things over.

The problem with forcing them to share is that they become unreasonable in their requests....one little boy was hysterical when my son wouldn't let him play with his new birthday gift.....you have to share.....I want it! Then his special cup....but I want it! Then his water gun....I want it.

You get the drift...every play date!

TheHouseOnBellSt · 11/07/2015 19:02

My children know better than to ask others for their food. It's extremely bad manners.

mamaneedsamojito · 11/07/2015 19:04

YABU for using the term 'helicopter Mom'. It makes me shudder!

CrystalHaze · 11/07/2015 19:04

You've got quite a bizarre attitude in this thread, OP. We're you expecting a unanimous chorus of 'YANBU!'?

Why ask ifYABU if you're going to get so defensive when people dont agree with you? Is it because you've got some sort of grudge against the other mother and you want people to agree that she's utterly unreasonable?

Original poster

Allisgood1 · 11/07/2015 19:05

Taptap- yes you're right. It probably was the last straw. Especially as HM then had no issues leaving the park without her dd, presumably expecting me to look after her. And what's also ironic is that SHE is always the one says my dd is "selfish" because she won't play her DD's game or whatever ridiculousness has come up.

My response was "because we aren't staying long and having an early dinner".

OP posts:

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