To ask, how much are Mumsnetters owed in maintenence arrears?

[whothehellknows]

I know from previous threads that there are lots of us on MN with ExP's that do anything they can to avoid maintenence.

Last night in a fit of ire (because ExP who "can't afford to pay maintenence" told me about how he's looking to buy a fucking boat) I used the CMS calculator to double check how much he should have been paying all this time. In total, our kids have missed out on over £6000 in payments in two years. The number really shook me. I'm sitting here thinking how many times I've cried in desperation trying to make ends meet, worked overtime, sold my stuff and gone without to take care of my kids. What a difference that money could have made.

I know it's a broken record, but I can't help but think that lone parents would need a lot less help from the state if NRP's had to step up and pay for their kids.

So out of curiosity, more than anything else, I'm wondering how much mumsnetters have had to make do without-- I'm betting it's a mind blowing amount.

If your ex should be paying and isn't, how much has he managed to dodge?

it intrigues me the law carefully considers what the absent parent "can afford"
I discussed this with a social worker recently. It shouldn't matter what the resident parent can afford. Btw, benefits is not "afford". They could lose their job and in any case it's a link between parent and child that shows that they take responsibility for their child. Even if only £5.

CMO told me yesterday that when doing an attachment to earnings they can claim up to 40% of the salary. I am still waiting for my case to move forwards - knitting fog would be quicker and easier than this....

wally & textfan

You didn't CHOOSE utter cunts to have babies with, I'm sure they were lovely (or you were fooled into believing so!) at some point in the distant past- it is not your fault they turned out to be such wankers, and at least your beautiful DC have you to look out for them.

CSA have never said to me "You're on the breadline and supporting the kids 100%; this man is so wealthy he doesn't even need to have a job or claim benefits - he should pay at least something towards their keep". What the CSA said was:
"You're on the breadline and supporting the kids 100%; this man is so wealthy he doesn't even need to have a job or claim benefits - he should pay absolutely nothing towards their keep".

I'd love some politician (or even bureaucrat at the whatever they call the CSA now) to engage with this, and address precisely why the very fact someone is so rich they are not "in the system" means they therefore should pay nothing. No-one will even explain it to me, when I ring up. No-one with the ability to make legislation would give me any answers either, I suspect. Maybe because they are identifying with the aberrant parent. Not the resident one.

Bit late to this thread and I haven't even got very far, but after MrsTerryPrachett 's comment on 11th July , that's exactly how it works in the country I live in (DK). If a nrp doesn't pay maintenance due, the state pays on their behalf and the nrp owes the state (as there is an citizen number registration system and it's almost impossible to do anything without that number, it's also quite hard to dodge although I only have personal experience from the receiving end as the residential parent ). I'll read the rest of the thread now. Having had a 2yr period almost without maintenance (now paid back thankfully) it's a subject close to my heart. Bloody fuckers who prance away from their fair share of responsibility

It is really disheartening that single mothers seem to be treated like a shamed and discarded subset of society.

And that is because when people hear the words "single" and "mother" put together, they assume that we are found ourselves in this predicament because we took lightly the decision to bring children into the world.

In fact, most of us had a pretty steady relationship before deciding to try for a baby, most of us were married or in long term relationships. And most of us thought that the fathers of our children were responsible men that loved their children dearly.

Every time that I hear some one looking down on a single mother, I just think "We are still here taking care of the children, why do we get the blame when it was the other one that abandoned the children?

Ah but we all have 20/20 vision with hindsight don't we textfan ?!

Thing is I have learnt a lot from coming through this marriage and yes MN too! We all did what we did then with the tools/ knowledge we had then, which are totally different to those we have now. Don't beat yourself up , our bloody exes do enough of that!!

SO folks what are we going to do, shall we start a petition just to kick off + see how many signatures we get?

Well, so far the ideas we have are:

*form letter to MPs asking what they intend to do about the situation
*A name and shame website, which could also log MP's response
*A facebook group for further planning
*A petition, but we need to think about who we're petitioning and what we want them to do.

I also think a photo campaign would help, similar to the "I need feminism because..." campaign link

I think it would be good for people to see the faces of single mums and realize that they are actual people having to do without these massive amounts of money. Something like "£6000 arrears because ex would rather pay for a boat than his kids"

Morning all

Sorry it's taken us a while to respond here. We've had a mull and we'll see if we can get some journalists interested for starters - we'll let you know how it goes.

Woohoo! Result.

fingers crossed!

Woohoo.

I'm a bit late to this thread - my ex currently owes me about 15k in back maintenance after 7 years of not paying. The CSA got an attachment of earnings finally at the beginning of the year but it appears that twat ex has now stopped working altogether. How convenient for him.

Well stop the presses!

Text message from the CSA to tell me that he has actually paid some money! Probably after a threat to slap a DoE order on him. I want them to do that anyway, as the payment he has made is for Junes payment, the July payment is still outstanding!

Hey Bogey, that's a start!

It is a start....but probably also an ending as this is the last I will see for months and months! :o

Maybe you should send him a thank you on behalf of your DC every time he pays, along with this cartoon.