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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To ask, how much are Mumsnetters owed in maintenence arrears?

517 replies

whothehellknows · 11/07/2015 14:19

I know from previous threads that there are lots of us on MN with ExP's that do anything they can to avoid maintenence.

Last night in a fit of ire (because ExP who "can't afford to pay maintenence" told me about how he's looking to buy a fucking boat) I used the CMS calculator to double check how much he should have been paying all this time. In total, our kids have missed out on over £6000 in payments in two years. The number really shook me. I'm sitting here thinking how many times I've cried in desperation trying to make ends meet, worked overtime, sold my stuff and gone without to take care of my kids. What a difference that money could have made.

I know it's a broken record, but I can't help but think that lone parents would need a lot less help from the state if NRP's had to step up and pay for their kids.

So out of curiosity, more than anything else, I'm wondering how much mumsnetters have had to make do without-- I'm betting it's a mind blowing amount.

If your ex should be paying and isn't, how much has he managed to dodge?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
BitOutOfPractice · 15/07/2015 12:57

This really is shocking. How are these men people sleeping at night?

I agree that politicians should be all over this.

MrsJorahMormont · 15/07/2015 13:07

I am really shocked at this. Are you going to get behind this campaign MNHQ? I agree that using words like child abuser and neglecter would bring home the reality of this situation to the general public.

Deeznutz · 15/07/2015 13:10

Have to laugh. Just found out my exh has married a woman who runs an agency that helps care for disabled young adults.

Oh. The. Irony.

If I still lived in the area I would be tempted to book her services Grin
and tell her to send the bill to her new husband

Grin
JoffreyBaratheon · 15/07/2015 14:20

A government that has shown no will to tackle (or even admit the existence of) child poverty, is going to be deaf to any calls to make non resident parents have a 50% share of the financial burden of childcare.

Come on, politicians. Get on here and justify to us why we should ever vote for you again if you are happy to take tax credits from families, and get rid of the way of measuring child poverty, and also do nothing to bring these deadbeat parents to book? If you TRULY believed tax credits are "out of control" then why wouldn't you make these non resident "parents" pay out of their pockets, rather than the money coming from the taxpayer.

Or maybe you honestly don't give a toss about child poverty, and just have a political shibboleth when it comes to tax credits/taxation?

Not one of them has the guts to answer us here or in any other forum.

Original poster
whothehellknows · 15/07/2015 17:30

After "boatgate" and my very big and public hissy fit exh has been in touch today to say he can afford to give me £100 pcm. It's big of him, given that CSA reckon it should be £240 pcm and he has 6K in arrears...

I reckon he's telling the truth. Given his wages and outgoings, he can probably only spare £100.

But if I can't meet my outgoings, I'd be expected to downsize or take a second job. So, why is it different for him?

It's hard to decide whether to agree to the £100 and hope for the best or pursue the right amount that may never materialize.

OP posts:
DadfromUncle · 15/07/2015 17:39

Unfortunately, Maria Miller (when she was responsible and I wrote to her) could hardly have been less interested. Then again, given Cecil (now Lord) Parkinson's example, I don't suppose we should expect much. I guess there would have to be a way to make it worth some votes....

meglet · 15/07/2015 18:13

sadly Miller is my MP. i suspect there are few things she cares less about than single parent families.

she happily supported the Tory campaign to charge for the CSA and couldn't care less about victims of abuse and violence.

Floundering · 15/07/2015 18:34

Would be interesting if we could draft a standard letter template & get as many MN-ers as possible to write to their own MP's to ask for their thoughts and would they support a campaign.

We could do a table of responses/ non responses/ fob offs & then publish it on our as yet mythical website Grin

( Could do it so the MNer is not identified )

HelenaDove · 15/07/2015 19:09

As a childfree by choice woman i would/will support this. It is galling and hypocritical especially when you add in the fact they have changed the rules regarding tax credits. It IS financial abuse of women and children. And it needs to be dealt with.

I was told recently by a poster that AIBU is not the place for support.

Im glad to see that they were wrong!

QueenOfCats · 15/07/2015 19:11

Appx 18k Hmm

JoffreyBaratheon · 15/07/2015 19:17

I tintrigues me the law carefully considers what the absent parent "can afford" as no-one has ever stopped to ask me and my husband (the kids' stepdad) on minimum wage, whether we can afford thousands of pounds' worth of stuff (and all that extra on top stuff you get them to maintain some feeling of normality for them)....

If someone looked at my finances on paper and also decided what I could afford - it would be a fiver a week!

Original poster
whothehellknows · 15/07/2015 20:06

Ahh, see the CMS estimates what ex can afford as quite a big higher than he does-- Thus the offer of £100 per month.

Floundering's idea of a template letter to MP's is a good idea.

OP posts:
TheFormidableMrsC · 15/07/2015 20:12

Floundering..good idea!

Joffrey...tell me about it...it's ridiculous, it really is. My ex is about to go off on holiday with OW, climbing mountains apparently, yet he can't work because of his "bad back", she is insolvent and has "mortgage arrears" yawn. They are just c*s. As long as her DS gets his horses. I, however, have to settle for £150 a month maintenance when he should be paying at the very least, £300. How the fuck do they think we manage?

How would everybody feel about a private FB group? This would be a good place to gather those who are serious about starting a campaign. It would not be visible to friends/family/anybody other than those who want to join. Thoughts?

Original poster
whothehellknows · 15/07/2015 20:37

I'm up for that Mrs C

OP posts:
Original poster
whothehellknows · 15/07/2015 20:42

Just saw this on my twitter feed

To ask, how much are Mumsnetters owed in maintenence arrears?
OP posts:
Lweji · 15/07/2015 20:46

Noticed the comment "how is he supposed to pay child support if he's in jail?"

Well, he wasn't paying it anyway. And I'm sure he's had plenty of opportunity to do it before.

TheFormidableMrsC · 15/07/2015 21:08

Whothehellknows...that's two of us!

Bogeyface · 15/07/2015 21:09

whothehell

Personally I wouldnt take the £100 because he will probably only pay it a couple of times and then not bother. If you do it via CSA/CMS then at least his non payment will go down as arrears and you can push for a deduction of earnings order (assuming he is not SE),

Bogeyface · 15/07/2015 21:09

Me three!

WallyBantersJunkBox · 15/07/2015 21:39

7300chf minimum here for the last year.

It's my own fault as I didn't beg him to come back, when he walked out. After being caught signing up to adult sex sites 8 times.

In this country you have to be the working partner to claim child benefit too, which he won't do. So that's another 2400chf I haven't seen.

Apparently if I spent less money on handbags and the big house we live in, I would be able to pay more for my sons food and shoes. And I get more money in employment insurance than he earns apparently. How he worked that out without even knowing what I get, I don't know.

I cleared out my savings paying off the last year of DS international school which I was contractually caught in when I lost my job due to sickness last year.

I am in the "big house" because without a work contract I can't get a landlord to touch me, so I pay out over half my incoming a on a house that he chose to live in without working for four years whilst I supported him sitting on his arse every day.

I'm also another one who gets asked to provide more clothes for holidays and stays over two days. I also get the shit small worn clothes back and the good ones kept for four days a month wear.

The father who provides four meals from Friday to Sunday, and once when DS forgot his coat, just made him walk around in the rain for two days in a jumper.

All I can do is blame myself for choosing this utter cunt to be a father to my precious boy.

WallyBantersJunkBox · 15/07/2015 21:43

I also feel very sad for these kids that just look at these parents and feel utter disappointment. What will the impact be on their future lives?

RedDaisyRed · 15/07/2015 23:43

Joffey they do sometimes consider what the resident parent can afford. Our court order says I pay/paid 5 sets of school and university fees no matter which parent the 5 children live with.

MaggieJoyBlunt · 16/07/2015 00:17

Joffey they do sometimes consider what the resident parent can afford. Our court order says I pay/paid 5 sets of school and university fees no matter which parent the 5 children live with

Please tell me why you bother with all the NCs and then post stuff like that. I'm genuinely curious.

textfan · 16/07/2015 01:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HelenaDove · 16/07/2015 01:32

hes blocked her??????!!!!!!!!!!!! What A Cunt!