Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WWUD? DS doesn't want to come on holiday with us.

81 replies

Nonplussedmum · 07/07/2015 22:18

Next year we going away to stay with friends who live on a tropical paradise, stopping over for three days in a famous city on the way but DS2 who will be 18 by then doesn't want to come because he thinks one of our friends is very bossy and will over organise us and because we're staying in her house we won't be able to say no to her plans (she's already planning our itinerary). She is very kind and excited we're coming but she is bossy, I think (maybe erroneously) that I can be honest and say we don't want to do a whistle stop tour of every attraction on her beautiful island and all the other islands/countries in 12 days we're there.
I'm about to book the flights DH thinks I should just book a ticket for DS2 and once he's there he'll enjoy it I'm not so sure. But I do think he's mad to turn down such an amazing holiday. DS2 is very well travelled in Europe so perhaps a little blazay about travelling and doesn't see it as exciting I only travelled more extensively in my late 20's and never out do Europe, he's not a sulky person and there are children there of his age.
On the plus side if he doesn't come we'll fly premium economy and we'll book ourselves into a suite in one of the world best and most beautiful hotels when we stay in the city whereas if he comes it's economy class and just a normal room in the same hotel.
WWUD?

OP posts:
CMOTDibbler · 07/07/2015 22:20

If he doesn't want to come, then thats his decision isn't it - he will be an adult by then after all.

AnyFucker · 07/07/2015 22:22

is there a problem here?...I am failing to see it

Fatmomma99 · 07/07/2015 22:22

I would make a date with my DS2 - some one-on-one time. A cafe/meal out/or just some scheduled time with him alone at home.

And I would have a conversation with him, just as you've put it in the post.

His worries and anxieties, your feelings, your thoughts. I'd also factor in what his possible Plan B might be (i.e. while you're with your friend, what does he plan on doing or hope to do)

And I would make a decision after that conversation, with him being FULLY aware that if he decides 'no' he can't then easily or cheaply change his mind.

Good luck.

roundandroundthehouses · 07/07/2015 22:23

I'd let him make his own choice, as an adult. He has lots of time ahead to travel on his own terms, and it sounds like he's already had lots of trips with you Smile.

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant · 07/07/2015 22:24

Explain to him and your friend that you appreciate her plans.
You would love her to show you around for ONE day, then explore on your own for a day too.
Agree a compromise with ds.
He puts up with being "looked after" for 2 days, then he is allowed to surf/beach/explore on his own for most of the holiday.
He is old enough to go out on his own now, he wouldn't be with you all day every day for 2weeks, at home.

KatieScarlettreregged · 07/07/2015 22:26

I would let him be.

morelikeguidelines · 07/07/2015 22:27

You have to let him make him own choice, as he will be an adult and you can hardly force him.

You can talk to him about it and try to sort out his worries, but if he doesn't want to go it is his decision.

If he misses out on a brilliant holiday then it's his own problem, I'm afraid. But maybe a tropical paradise and wonderful city just aren't so exciting when you are 18 and the prospect is of going with your parents.

rookiemere · 07/07/2015 22:29

I'm with your DS to be honest. Staying with an over organizer for that length of time would drive me nuts.
Could he just come as far as awesome city destination with you ?

LynetteScavo · 07/07/2015 22:31

If he was 15 or 17 I would say cajole him in to going, but at 18...hell, have a really fab holiday without him Grin

Mutt · 07/07/2015 22:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

magoria · 07/07/2015 22:34

She is already planning your itinerary! He is spot on that she is bossy and will over organise. You are not confident you can stand up to her as a friend/equal.

I have a friend on who hearing I had been to a place she went to said I should have let her know because she would have either

a. come with me and shown me everything
b. told me where to go and when

It was my holiday, I wanted to do it how I wanted not how she thought I would have best enjoyed it.

Leave him at home.

DoreenLethal · 07/07/2015 22:37

He doesnt want to come so leave him be.

His loss.

Mehitabel6 · 07/07/2015 22:39

I thought he was going to be 14 or 15. He is an adult and doesn't want to go - leave him at home.

knackered69 · 07/07/2015 22:40

He will be 18 - mine is 17 and a slightly bossy overorganiser and staying in their house would make him want to run a mile - hell - it would make me want to run a mile too!!

nigelslaterfan · 07/07/2015 22:40

There is almost always stuff we don't know with kids that age.

Something you may not know about the people you're visiting, or more significantly, what he gets to do when you are away. That's his priority. Avoiding something that may be more than he's saying. And gaining what or who he'd prefer to do or be with at home.

Cherchez la femme! Ou garçon!

TheRealMaryMillington · 07/07/2015 22:42

I'd leave him at home

He's an adult, he can make his own call

Original poster
Nonplussedmum · 07/07/2015 22:43

I've not worded this very well of course he has his own mind and he'll stay at home and look after himself which is all fine and his older brother will be around and about. But it just seems a shame to miss seeing a beautiful country. Having said this my DH is pushing for him to go more than I am, he'll thinks he'll love it once he's there.

OP posts:
SylvaniansAtEase · 07/07/2015 22:44

'other children there of his age'? Grin

he is an adult!

I think if you really want him to come, that you'd love to spend time with him then it's worth having a one to one chat where you tell him that, but only if you're also prepared to say that you'll respect his right to set his own schedule... and defend that to your host.

But it's just up to him and that's that. And even if you think he's really missing out - if he doesn't agree - then that's the truth of it. Nothing more you can do.

Ashwinder · 07/07/2015 22:44

He doesn't want to come so leave him to it. I really don't see the problem.

I opted out of most family holidays after the age of about 16 or so. I got the house to myself for a bit and my parents didn't have to take a moody teen on holiday. Win win.

PinkTriangle · 07/07/2015 22:45

There'll be children there his age..... Ffs, there wont be any children there his age! There'll be adults there his age!

You cannot force him to go if he doesnt want to

SweetAndFullOfGrace · 07/07/2015 22:47

If he says no then have the respect to listen to him. He's nearly an adult, treat him like one.

Besides, holiday sound like it will be far more amazing for you without him Grin

DixieNormas · 07/07/2015 22:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Nonplussedmum · 07/07/2015 22:48

My friend is bossy but kind and generous she's over the moon we're coming she's been asking us for years. I think she'll be at work some of the time we're there, I could check this, she's stayed with me last year and I managed to slow her down and she doesn't mind honesty.
But I suspect we'll leave him premium economy/luxuary suite here we come.
Thanks for your replays.

OP posts:
TheHormonalHooker · 07/07/2015 22:49

Neither of our DSes came in holiday with us when they were 18. They didn't want to, we accepted that and had a fab time.

Leave him at home.

EthelDurant123 · 07/07/2015 22:50

Leave him be. I stopped going on holiday with my family at his age. No biggie.

Swipe left for the next trending thread