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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WWUD? DS doesn't want to come on holiday with us.

81 replies

Nonplussedmum · 07/07/2015 22:18

Next year we going away to stay with friends who live on a tropical paradise, stopping over for three days in a famous city on the way but DS2 who will be 18 by then doesn't want to come because he thinks one of our friends is very bossy and will over organise us and because we're staying in her house we won't be able to say no to her plans (she's already planning our itinerary). She is very kind and excited we're coming but she is bossy, I think (maybe erroneously) that I can be honest and say we don't want to do a whistle stop tour of every attraction on her beautiful island and all the other islands/countries in 12 days we're there.
I'm about to book the flights DH thinks I should just book a ticket for DS2 and once he's there he'll enjoy it I'm not so sure. But I do think he's mad to turn down such an amazing holiday. DS2 is very well travelled in Europe so perhaps a little blazay about travelling and doesn't see it as exciting I only travelled more extensively in my late 20's and never out do Europe, he's not a sulky person and there are children there of his age.
On the plus side if he doesn't come we'll fly premium economy and we'll book ourselves into a suite in one of the world best and most beautiful hotels when we stay in the city whereas if he comes it's economy class and just a normal room in the same hotel.
WWUD?

OP posts:
Mutt · 07/07/2015 22:50

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Nonplussedmum · 07/07/2015 22:52

Yeh yeh I knows he'll be an adult, my friends has two children (adults) of similar age one he knows very well she regularly stays with us.

OP posts:
Mutt · 07/07/2015 22:54

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SweetAndFullOfGrace · 07/07/2015 22:56

Still his call not your call

Gemauve · 07/07/2015 22:59

Staying in other people's houses for holidays is absolutely grim at the best of times. Doing it as a "child" (even if you're an adult) means you'll be expected to doss down in a room with other people, eat at the times other people want to eat with no say in what you eat and do what other people want to do; at 18 you probably can't rent a car, so you're completely trapped.

The argument "there'll be people your age, you'll be fine" is like assuming all freshers get along, without exception, because after all they're all the same age.

butterfly133 · 07/07/2015 23:00

he's an adult, let him do what he likes. The world isn't going anywhere, if he gets a burning urge to visit that place later in life, he can.

I would no way have gone with my folks at 18. I was flummoxed that they asked me. It's so exciting to go on holiday with your friends when you're old enough Smile

ComposHatComesBack · 07/07/2015 23:01

At 18 I couldn't imagine anything I'd rather not do than go on holiday with my parents. Doubly so if it involved staying in close proximity to their bossy arseache of a mate.

It will be fun for you, it won't be so for him.

butterfly133 · 07/07/2015 23:05

crossposted with Gemauve

yes, staying with people can be grim and it might be a house full

I did live with my olds till I was about 19 and I've just remembered how much I liked having the house to myself when they did go away.

Funny, this thread is making me nostalgic for being your son's age! Grin

ChasedByBees · 07/07/2015 23:06

Leave him alone. My parents booked me on a holiday I'd said no to. I didn't enjoy it much and I'm sure they enjoyed it less than they would have done.

JennyLindsay · 07/07/2015 23:39

Your friend has a daughter of his age that he "knows very well" ? I hope you've planned to have them sleep on separate floors Hmm

...

I'm joking - these are adults! Leave them be.

bostonbaby · 07/07/2015 23:50

He would probably rather go shagging in maga than knocking about with his folks tbh

Morganly · 08/07/2015 00:26

He is old enough to opt out of family holidays and go on holidays which he chooses for himself with people he chooses to go with. Leave him be.

Lateswim16 · 08/07/2015 00:43

Op seriously? Why on earth would he want to go on this type of holiday?

Ours came with us aged 21/22 as they had their own room in an all inclusive and we paid. They partied for 2 weeks and snored on the beach. They had a ball. [grin

But staying at a bright and breezy friends house who sounds like Tigger on speed sounds dire.

And he's an adult?

AgathaChristie01 · 08/07/2015 00:46

On a selfish note, I'd be thinking of the extra luxury for myself and DH, so that would convince me to say DS, please do stay home, happy days! Wink

Butterflywings168 · 08/07/2015 01:17

Really? He's 18. Confused
He doesn't want to go on holiday, no matter how wonderful the location, with his parents and mum's frankly annoying sounding friend.
He would rather go to some tacky hellhole (Sunny Beach, Kavos) with his mates. OK stereotype Smile but my point is, it's understandable.
My DF remained abroad where we had been living when my parents split up. I was in 6th form. We visited. DF was a Disney Dad accommodating to the needs of teen girls for money to spend in malls, lifts everywhere and alcohol
DM refused to allow precious last born my youngest DSis to be in a different country. She came to stay with a friend, who was very much like your friend sounds. We were made to spend time with said friend. Having to make polite conversation with her and family about how school/ university was going...do whatever she decided and politely eat and drink what we were given...was a strain. I had to grit my teeth. I wouldn't have gone had the entire holiday been spent at her place. Note she is a lovely lady who I would happily have a coffee and talk cats with, and indeed have, when she has visited DM here, she just hadn't grasped that I was an adult (or near adult) back then.
Teens need independence.
He can visit the country (and maybe even look up your friends for a drink) in 5/10/15 years if he wants. It will still be there. He just needs to make a statement at the moment.

MistressDeeCee · 08/07/2015 01:19

Your DS doesn't like your bossy friend. From the sounds of it, he has good reason. You're wanting him to see life through your eyes, that it will be a wonderful holiday, that the bossy friend doesn't matter. But he is a young man with his own mind. In his shoes I wouldn't want to go either, you seem to forget that what is fun for you isn't necessarily fun for a teen. Who wants to be around a bossyboots? & what would you do if he said something about it out there, tell him he musnt grumble because your important friend comes 1st? Leave him be, go and enjoy yourselves he will be fine, and so will you.

sashh · 08/07/2015 03:25

I couldn't wait to stop going on holiday with my parents. And I've only ever visited one of the same countries they did as an adult.

What is a tropical paradise for you may not be for him, and he's an adult.

Nromanoff · 08/07/2015 06:25

Leave him at home. If he regrets it, he regrets it. He is an adult and we all make decisions we regret.

I suspect that either you don't deal with the bossy friend as well as you think, or that ds is generally uncomfortable around her and doesn't like the tension when you step in.

Surely if you keep being honest most friends would get a clue and try to be less bossy.

DinosaursRoar · 08/07/2015 06:54

Your DH could well be right that your ds would live visiting that country, but he's 18, he could visit again in a few years time paying for himself, perhaps he'd even ask your friend to meet for dinner one night, but not make his whole holiday about her!

He's an adult now, family holidays will be a thing of the past.

Mehitabel6 · 08/07/2015 07:08

When you get back and tell him about it he can make up is mind whether to put it on a list of places he wants to visit in the future. If he does regret not going he can go at a later date the way he wants to do it- it is no big deal.

Icimoi · 08/07/2015 07:15

On a different note, have you started the process of slowing your friend down? If she's already planning your itinerary you need to let her know now that you would prefer things to be more flexible and/or some days when you relax or take yourselves out.

Floisme · 08/07/2015 07:17

Op I really feel for you. My husband and I were talking about going to West coast USA next year and when we asked our 17 year old if he'd like to come too he said he'd rather go with his friends.

You can know something is coming and still have mixed emotions when it does so I don't think there's any need for all the grins and hmm faces, people.

However they are also right, op - you could be going to the moon for your holiday and your son still wouldn't be interested.

Mehitabel6 · 08/07/2015 07:34

It is the age where they don't want to come- you do get past that and they are happy to go again- especially if you are paying! Give it a few years.

treaclesoda · 08/07/2015 07:46

I stopped going on holidays with my parents at the age of about 13 (I had older siblings who were at home) and I've never regretted it and I don't think my parents ever have either. They were able to potter about doing the things that interested them, without me tagging along feeling sorry for myself because I wasn't enjoying it. The fortnight of freedom that I felt every summer, playing at being a grownup, cooking for myself, doing things to my own timetable, was one of the highlights of my teenage years.

I understand you are disappointed but honestly, you will have a nicer holiday without him there.

LindyHemming · 08/07/2015 07:55

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