AIBU to not offer my daughter's friend something else for tea?

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Daughter has a friend over for tea, done a simple tea of wraps with southern fried chicken, dips, bread sticks, grapes, grated cheese, nice selection of salad, nothing fancy but your basic salad, i am sat in the next room listening to her moan how she does not like anything there, apart from the cheese.
I am not going to get up and offer her anything else i am sick to the back teeth of having friends over who won't eat anything except for pizza, chips, crisps or chocolate.
I always try to do a nice simple but healthy tea, not just for mine but for friends too but they always moan, i avoid things like cottage pies, chilli etc when friends are round as i know its wasted, i would go mad if i knew my kids were ungrateful with what they were given, when i was growing i loved going to my friends and ate whatever was put in front of me.
It's not just a one off either, it is most of their friends?!

Sorry but I think YABU. You invite a child over, you check with the parents what they like, then provide the easiest thing from that list. No need to turn playdates into battles of wills and opportunities to get judgemental about other people's DC. When DC have mates over, my priority is that they have a good time. I cook what they like, which is usually pizza followed by chocolate ice cream. Very easy and everyone's happy. Why do anything else?

I had a 5 year old boy come round for a play and tea after school , he walked in the house and said to us " my house is much bigger than your house and we have a swimming pool". I resisted the urge the throw him out on a dark winters night then and there. Dinner was pasta, which he declined saying he only liked pasta with Parmesan and pesto on. Needless to say we couldn't wait to get rid of him and he never came round again . When I met the parents later on I realised why he was like he was.

I have a few options at the ready and offer a choice on the day-kids are fickle and while I'm strict with my own ds I really can't get worked up about what other people's kids will or won't eat. Now ds is a teen I run this place like a hotel as I'd rather they were all here raiding my fridge so I can keep up with what's going on and all the other teenage drama

I don't have any problems with anyone disliking a food and don't think anyone should eat something they don't like so for last minute friends for dinner I always give a choice "yes, of course you can stay for dinner, we are having xxxxxx, do you want to stay or go/I will drop you back home?", I don't do options.

We don't generally have a lot of "extra" or snacky food in the house (as it usually ends up wasted in the bin), sometimes don't even have a loaf in as we are not big bread eaters so if they were hungry later I would struggle to feed them a sandwich (maybe a banana to tide them over until they went home). I have no problem saying to another mother, we were having xxxx and they didn't want it and I had offered to take them home.

If the friend was sleeping over it would be a prearranged dinner anyway and we'd agree on pizza/KFC/macaroni or something we knew most liked (not a veg in sight, but its only once every few weeks or so).

I'm with MrsDV it all sounds like a storm in a teacup to me.

I don't stress over what other peoples children eat in my house. I do something that appeals to the majority of children and then sit back and let them make of it what they will.

Mind you I recently did fishcakes (I know they have them at school) for DS's friend who said to me sadly I don't like these fishcakes (having dismantled the fishcake and tried to eat around the salmon pieces.

"Thats a shame - why not?"

"I only like salmon fishcakes"

"These are salmon fishcakes"

"But I don't like this kind of salmon"

"What kind?"

"the pink kind"

So he ate the baked beans and had some ice cream. Not my problem and he was very polite (in a mournful kind of "what it is this pink stuff" way)

I do check with parents and I did check with parents!!!
Am I not aloud to feel a little fed up of preparing a tea for someone to be told they don't want it, every other week it's the same!
I am a fun mum who makes play dates as fun as possible, including what they eat, I want to make my children and their friends as comfortable as possible, hence why I did not make a fuss with her, I just made her what she wanted, a cheese wrap --(which she could have made herself with my mis matched food)--

Don't be offended by it. she might only like hot food for dinner.
What you made sounds nice makes me want that now

We treat play dates as guests which means I am very accommodating when it comes to food. I wouldn't dream of insisting our guests ate what was served without asking if there are any things they don't eat or offering them a buttered toast. Your daughter's guest was very polite in how she worded declining the food, btw.

I have a fussy eater when she is out. She eats now eats very well at home with a good variety but it has taken years. When she has friends over I usually offer pizza with garlic bread, cucumber, fruit and then some cake. I don't bother varying it too much as I know the school friends will all eat this and there is no fussing.

However she has another friend who is the daughter of an old family friend and I have known this child since birth and she is the only friend we do sleep overs with so far. She is a fantastic eater at home,one of 4 kids and its a case of eat it up or one of your brothers will scoff it. I have regularly seen her eating things at home that when I offer them she will say 'It don't like cheese / chicken / fruit ' whatever and I think she is trying out the novelty of refusing stuff as it doesn't really get pandered to at home' I understand how and why it happens but it is frustrating. And then my dd will pipe up 'yeah, I don't like it either' even when she does. They are 9.

Other peoples kids can be hard work!

I think as a parent if your child dislikes certain pretty regular foods it's only polite to discuss that before they go for a meal elsewhere. That's what I used to do anyway.
For other people's homes we have the rule it's ok to politely ask to leave something you really can't stand but not just because it's something you don't particularly enjoy.

I was made to sit at tables until food went cold in an effort not to be pandered to. As a result, as soon as I could I stopped eating the stuff I had hated all along and am now a moderately fussy eater! The kids have had choices when they don't like stuff, and have never had 'baby meals'. They will eat/try anything, current favourite is moules which freaks me out as I hate them.

In this scenario the girl wasn't rude. And you know she isn't fussy as she ate it last week. I would presume she was feeling unsettled today and give her something easy, much as you did. Kids are people too, why would we treat them with any less respect or affection than adults?!

I had a really fussy DS1, and have had my fair share of fussy children over.

Without getting annoyed/judgmental about it, YANBU at all.

I'd completely understand it, back in the days when my DS1 was at his worst, for him to come home and eat.

My own view on playdates is that they aren't a big deal and they aren't to show how accommodating I am; they are there so the kids can play with each other.

its courtesy to eat what is in front of you

Your house your rules blah blah, but come on..you're enforcing your ideas, my boys would love what you put on but if they have friends over I don't assume they all eat the same - what's so bad bout asking what they will like? I would try to get someone else's child to eat something that they didn't like - they are a guest, I would never leave any guests hungry, so would ask in advance. Pizza isn't poison.

Yeah, I think the food thing is not about manners, and people attach too much emotion to it. You'd hate to think your DD would refuse anything, but do you really know that she doesn't, OP?

I always remember at a friends house as a child and being asked why I'd not eaten much tea? I said I was sorry but I didn't really like what was for tea. My friends mum went off on one about how could I say I didn't like it and what did I do when my parents made it for me at home? It wasn't a meal we had at home so I'd never had it before.
As an adult I'd always try and eat as much as possible and make out I wasn't hungry if it came to it - the other week I went to a party where I knew the host has weird taste in food so I worked round it - but you can't expect a child to do the same.
That friend remained a good one for years but I always hated going to her house after that.

I also think that if you know a friend is fussy then don't make the meal a big event. Serve snacks and have your meal later. the children will probably all feel happy with that

Yeh it would wind me up too OP.
I am a pretty good cook and I do get ds to ask his friends that are coming to tea if they prefer lasagne or homemade burgers or whatever (for example if I know I am going to be using mince) , plus I have a very good memory for which ones don't like which vegetables, and I try and accommodate where I can. However, children are randomly picky and not only that but they are also whiny.
I will offer a peanut butter or jam sandwich if they won't eat what I made, but it galls me to chuck away the food they have mucked about with and then left. I'm too poor to waste food!
I also really disagree with all the comments about how you should only feed kids pizza and "kid food". When exactly are they supposed to eat real food, and try different things?
I remember at friends houses I didn't always love the food,but I ate it on the whole because a)I was hungry and b)I would have been embarrassed to whinge about it.
There is an insane amount of pandering to children now, and also an assumption that we all have money to burn.

I don't offer an alternative if the dinner is left uneaten but they do have to stay at the table until everyone has finished. I will offer a pudding regardless of how little dinner has been eaten.

The only time I got annoyed was when a mum told me that as her DS age 8 was extremely fussy it would be best if I just served him spaghetti and grated cheese as she knew he would eat that. So I cooked all of the other children a home made carbonara and did a separate dish of pasta and grated cheese for the fussy one.

He refused to eat anything because the cheese wasn't the same brand he has at home.

Even my DS told me he wouldn't be inviting him for tea again as he was so annoying.

Some children are randomly picky I mean.

Angels that can be caused by certain conditions that mean people can taste differences most can't - not wanting to derail the thread but he might not have been being annoying!

I am not taking it personally and i am not enforcing my rules!!
Please read my posts, I have asked her mum if she has any dislikes, no was my answer, she is a very good eater, so i would hope that she would eat what i lay out, i did not get angry or upset with her, i made her something else, as i did not want her to go home hungry.
Her mum came and collected her, i said what she had, no fuss was made as we would like her to come again as she is my daughter's friend!!

Thank you IfNotNowThenWhen that is what i mean and feel, i would never not feed a child, i meant it in a light hearted way as i hate food going to waste too!

You already knew the child liked the food you were offering. The child was rude not to make an effort to eat some.

I hated beans as a child but when my next door neighbour served it up (as was babysitting me), I ate it and said thank you. I was a seriously fussy child. I had real problems with textures and flavours. I wouldn't eat meat (apart from bacon). I never sat down to a Sunday dinner until I was 11. I wouldn't go near a vegetable. But I had some manners.

Excellent post, IfNotNowThenWhen!