AIBU to not offer my daughter's friend something else for tea?

[matrix11]

Daughter has a friend over for tea, done a simple tea of wraps with southern fried chicken, dips, bread sticks, grapes, grated cheese, nice selection of salad, nothing fancy but your basic salad, i am sat in the next room listening to her moan how she does not like anything there, apart from the cheese.
I am not going to get up and offer her anything else i am sick to the back teeth of having friends over who won't eat anything except for pizza, chips, crisps or chocolate.
I always try to do a nice simple but healthy tea, not just for mine but for friends too but they always moan, i avoid things like cottage pies, chilli etc when friends are round as i know its wasted, i would go mad if i knew my kids were ungrateful with what they were given, when i was growing i loved going to my friends and ate whatever was put in front of me.
It's not just a one off either, it is most of their friends?!

[whereismagic]

I seem to remember that this girl was the last straw as OP was complaining that she is a fun playdate host and likes to make food fun too and kids are fussy every week. The girl could've been polite and ate this dish last time out of politeness but didn't want to have it again. We don't know if she enjoyed it last time - OP assumed that she did because she ate it.

[BrendaBlackhead]

Over the years I've had many children to tea/parties etc and I always serve a bland tea (having checked if they don't like/can't eat something). Imo some children are fussy, but when they don't eat anything it's more a case of being over-excited and that kills appetite. I don't care if they don't eat anything, and certainly don't fuss and offer to make anything else. As Gobbolino says, the parents can easily give them something else at home.

However, fussy/food issues/excited whatever rudeness is unacceptable. If you have a child who you know is a poor eater, train them to say politely, "Sorry, I'm not very hungry," or at least make an effort with what's provided and thank the (usually) mother afterwards. There is absolutely no excuse whatsoever for being demanding.

The only really rude child I have encountered is dh's niece, but then sil is one of the worst mannered women I have ever met.

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

"That's why it's more useful to ask what she likes rather than what she doesn't eat."

The girl ate - and liked - pretty much the same meal a week previously, whereismagic.

[Gobbolinothewitchscat]

Is this a big concern?

My DC are only 2 and 1 but I'm assuming that when they invite friends over I just need to offer something not too random (previously checked with their parents) and leave the to it. If they don't eat it, then their parents just feed them at home? Is this not the etiquette?

[shrunkenhead]

Previously had.

[shrunkenhead]

I'm with the OP on this one. She did all in her powers to ensure friend had a nice tea with plenty of choice and assumed she'd eat it, as oreviously had! Dd has a fussy eater friend so I know the two things she WILL eat..... However I still get.... "but this isn't ASDA pasta...." when I'm encouraging her to eat up. Her mother despairs with her and always apologises profusely. It annoys me when I've told her she csn leave it but she still wants the dessert or complains of being hungry later!
I was alwats told to eat up and not make a fuss at other people's houses and my dd does the same now. I tell her to tell me later if she didn't like it.

[whereismagic]

Kamden Wed 08-Jul-15 21:19:06
People, RTFT......SHE DID CHECK WITH THE PARENTS!!!!!!!!

That's why it's more useful to ask what she likes rather than what she doesn't eat. For example, we love Greek food and DS can finish off a tub of taramasalata with raw vegetables pretty much on his own. I like curry and make milder varieties for family meals. It's our normal, but not everybody's normal, so when people say "s/he eats everything", I am pretty sure they don't include pad thai, moussaka etc. If DS didn't get into wraps in his nursery I am not sure he would've known what to do with OP's meal - I don't make them.

[Crosbybeach]

Looking back I was a really fussy child, and custard or white baguettes for 3 years.

To give parents of fussy children hope I now eat almost anything, love cooking and eating out... It was a phase.

[DaysAreWhereWeLive]

DD had a friend round who walked in and said, straight off, 'I don't like ham, cheese, tuna, egg or chicken. The only thing I'll eat is Nutella.'

I laughed, obviously. And never invited him round again.

[CrapBag]

If my child went to someone's house for tea, was served up something that they didn't like and wasn't asked beforehand if they ate salad etc then was complained about because they won't just eat what's put in front of them I'd be livid.

If I have a child over for tea, I check what they like first, simple as. They are a guest in your home. DS had a friend I asked if he liked pasta he said yes. I did it with sauce on (I stupidly assumed he would like pasta in sauce) and he only liked plain pasta so I quickly did some more plain because I would be mortified to tell his parents that I'd given him something he didn't like so wouldn't eat it.

One of my children seems to have some issues with food, getting him to try anything is horrendous and I don't force the issue anymore. I would not be happy at someone else expecting him to eat whatever and not complain. He would be very polite about it but he damn well wouldn't eat it out of politeness.

[Kamden]

People, RTFT......SHE DID CHECK WITH THE PARENTS!!!!!!!!

[whyhasmyheadgonenumb]

Oh gosh, I really want southern fried chicken wraps now........I've already had tea :(

[VerityWaves]

I think y ab a bit u
She didn't make a fuss and just ate grated cheese. I would be mortified if a child guest just ate that at my house. I always check with the parent what they like to avoid this. They are guests. I am Italian and its a sacrilege to let guests leave hungry!

[YeOldTrout]

I'm a mom of a fussy one & I suppose I would mind a lot if a parent got into flap about it. I don't mind if he doesn't eat. I can always feed him when he gets home.

[TheReluctantCountess]

I'm the mother of a fussy eater. I would rather that parents didn't offer him alternatives if he doesn't like what's offered.

[Kaekae]

I always find children don't eat much at their friends house. I don't stress over it. If she eats it then she eats it if she doesn't then I would just let her mum know so that she can decide to give her more food when she gets home. I always ask parents about what kinds of foods their child likes before they come over, I like to make sure they don't feel uncomfortable in my house so will give a simple choice to the guest and my child and let them choose. I don't mind doing this when we have friends over.

[Buttercupsandaisies]

I have the same few kids over every month and we always agree on what to eat when they arrive....it's just nice to. I wouldn't do it with my own kids on a daily basis but...it's a play date IMO and supposed to be fun!

I don't care what they eat for one day and certainly my kids wouldn't eat much of that.

[ElkTheory]

I can't see you've done anything wrong at all. You checked with the child's mother in advance, you served the same meal previously and she enjoyed it. You even made her something extra when she said she was hungry. Sounds to me like you were a good host.

I do think it can be tricky to feed other people's children. And it is true that children aren't always known for their tact and diplomacy.

[DefinitelyMaybeNo]

Yanbu in not offering her any other food. However she wasn't rude - she didn't tell you she didn't like it, she was talking to your child unaware you were listening in on them. I wouldn't want to eat a meal that I genuinely didn't like and I wouldn't expect someone else to do it either so when we have people for tea, I always ask -both children and adults - about food preferences to stop things like this happening.

[ByronBaby]

I can't be doing with people who can't be doing with people who can't be doing with people who are fussy eaters! I wouldn't worry about it OP - you offered a nice tea, the child grumbled behind your back (little madam!) but was polite enough to your face and can go home and have supper in her own house. Idon't know if you are being UR or not, but we all have to eat things we aren't keen on sometimes so she might as well get used to it.

[Yarp]

I agree Starling

[Yarp]

I think those of you who pride yourselves on being good cooks do perhaps take it personally. It's not your child, you don't have to deal with them every day, and no-one is evaluating you on the quality of your food. In short, it's not about you.

[StarlingMurmuration]

Lots of people say how tedious it is to deal with a fussy child but I'm telling you, you have no idea how tedious and rubbish it is to BE a fussy child. They don't do it to be annoying or rude... Eating at other people's houses can be a huge source of anxiety because of the fear of not liking what is served and causing offence, plus having to go hungry because you can only choke down a tiny bit. They don't do it for attention - if anything, they dread people noticing that we're not eating.

I had all sorts of texture and taste issues as a child and while I'm much better now, I still don't love eating at other people's houses. It's not fun at all, I'd love to be able to eat anything served to me.

[StarlingMurmuration]

Maybe she choked it down last time in an attempt to be polite, and then when she told her mum, her mum said "Next time just eat the bits you like and say you're not very hungry, thank you".