AIBU to not offer my daughter's friend something else for tea?

[matrix11]

Daughter has a friend over for tea, done a simple tea of wraps with southern fried chicken, dips, bread sticks, grapes, grated cheese, nice selection of salad, nothing fancy but your basic salad, i am sat in the next room listening to her moan how she does not like anything there, apart from the cheese.
I am not going to get up and offer her anything else i am sick to the back teeth of having friends over who won't eat anything except for pizza, chips, crisps or chocolate.
I always try to do a nice simple but healthy tea, not just for mine but for friends too but they always moan, i avoid things like cottage pies, chilli etc when friends are round as i know its wasted, i would go mad if i knew my kids were ungrateful with what they were given, when i was growing i loved going to my friends and ate whatever was put in front of me.
It's not just a one off either, it is most of their friends?!

assuming child is not a veggie,hence not liking the chicken, but agree a nice selection

over the years as nanny i have had numerous fussy children come to tea, i always ask if there is anything they dont like, but refuse, like yourself to always cook chicken nuggets/chips/fish fingers etc

I always used to check with the child what they liked to eat

Mind you, even then some didn't eat anything.

Some kids just feel weird about eating in other people's homes I think, even though they like to be invited to play/have dinner.

But they have friends over a lot and the odd pizza, actually would be a lot of pizza over time.
I am a fairly lenient parent, not strict on food but i like a balance of good food.
I do try my best and accommodate what their friends like but i do think it is courtesy to eat what's given to you.

Actually I think yabu. She doesn't like the food. Why should she eat food she doesn't like? I don't see how she's being rude really. I assume she doesn't expect you to be listening in?

Idk, did you ask your daughter what foods her friend did and didn't like before having her over for tea? Although she is being very rude to whinge rather than just not eat the things she dislikes.

Matrix why should you have to eat what's given if you don't like it. She didn't say anything rude she said she wasn't hungry.

As an adult i eat fine and as a child I wasn't exceptionally fussy but I absolutely wouldn't eat food I didn't like. It would make me want to heave. And I'd probably tell my friend I didn't like it, so they would know why I wasn't eating it...
The child hasn't done anything wrong here

My mum used to drill it in to me that when I went to a friend's house they would eat different food to what I was used to, I would eat even if I didn't like it and afterwards I would thank my friend's mum. Because I was a guest and that was polite.

Plus I knew she checked up on me with the mum.

Don't parents do this anymore? I thought this was basic manners.

Kundry same here!
No today there's pandering, no wonder you have so many precious darlings about.

It sounds like she has good manners enough to moan in private, but give a polite diplomatic response to you.

I don't know why anyone (child or adult) should be expected to eat food that they do not want.

YABU to say people have to eat food they don't like. I had a guest over to dinner recently (a plus 1 so I hadn't had a chance to ask about food prefs) who didn't eat mushrooms - unfortunately I'd made a mushroom lasagne. I made something else quickly for her, nbd. The idea that it would have been polite for her to have choked it down is laughable. I'd be mortified if I thought a guest felt they had to do that. The child you had over sounds fussy, but lots are at that age, and your disapproval isn't going to change that!

I was a picky child (I'm a picky adult come to think of it) and I would have said something like what she said. 'Thank you but not really hungry so just ate a bit of cheese in a wrap' or something like that.

Going on about not being able to eat anything on the table within earshot of a host is a bit rude of her I think though.

I would have kept quiet and just eaten what I could.

I have to admit I don't check with parents/friends of my children what they don't eat before they come over. I assume if there's anything actually important like a food allergy or intolerance I'll be told about it. But otherwise I make what we would usually eat. That said, I don't take it personally if they don't like it.

I do try my best and accommodate what their friends like but i do think it is courtesy to eat what's given to you.

Well that all depends on what it is really.

Why not avoid the whole dinner thing completely? Kids can still come to play and either go home before dinner, or just have a snack.

It's only food - such a tiny, boring part of a playdate for kids really.

You wouldn't force a child to do anything else (unnecessary) that they didn't want to do, why do we think we can force them to eat food they don't like? And if they won't it's labelled as precious or pandering.

You didn't stay in the room with them while they eat? I think it's quite rude to not sit down with them at mealtimes, or at least stay in the kitchen chatting and pottering.

I don't think she was rude, she said she didn't like the food when she thought you couldn't hear and was very polite when you asked why she didn't eat much. She sounds like a nice friend for your DD, not rude at all.

You're being rather horrible, IMO.

She wasn't rude. She didn't know you could hear. She pretended she wasn't hungry and she ate what she liked.

What else would you have her do? Eat food she dislikes to preserve your feelings about your southern fried chicken??

Generally kids are fussy I find. I do the same as you OP - put out a selection very similar to that. Usually included carrot sticks, cucumber and cut up apple too.
But I sometimes find the child "only like McDonald's chicken nuggets" or the wraps "aren't white". I could offer them bread but then that's not white either. I figure if they only eat carrots and cheese they may be hungry later but that's their problem.
I used to eat anything I was given at a friends house even if I didn't like it.

At that age my DD2 would have only eaten the bread sticks and the grapes. She was horribly fussy. Even now, at 17, she wouldn't touch the cheese with a barge pole or the dips. Some youngsters are just faddy eaters. DD1 wasn't like that at all, although she wouldn't have eaten the cheese ether.

The girl gave you a polite response. Next time she comes over find out what she likes first.

But to answer your question no YANBU, I wouldn't make her something else to eat, that's not to say she should have eaten what you gave her though.

The same girl came for tea last week after school as they do a club after school together, and funnily enough the same tea what I served up tonight was the same as last week and she loved it then, cleaned up loads as it was DIY wraps etc, I did ask her mum at the beginning of friend starting to come for tea if there was anything she disliked and was told no she's a good eater!
When I cleared her plate and she said she was not hungry, that's fine but my daughter has just come in to ask if her friend can have something to eat as she is hungry, I will now go make her a sandwich.

See, why should we ask a child what they would like to eat each time? If you invite adults over for a meal you wouldn't ask them exactly what they wanted, you would probably check they weren't allergic to anything, but you wouldn't offer a menu.