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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not offer my daughter's friend something else for tea?

156 replies

matrix11 · 07/07/2015 17:36

Daughter has a friend over for tea, done a simple tea of wraps with southern fried chicken, dips, bread sticks, grapes, grated cheese, nice selection of salad, nothing fancy but your basic salad, i am sat in the next room listening to her moan how she does not like anything there, apart from the cheese.
I am not going to get up and offer her anything else i am sick to the back teeth of having friends over who won't eat anything except for pizza, chips, crisps or chocolate.
I always try to do a nice simple but healthy tea, not just for mine but for friends too but they always moan, i avoid things like cottage pies, chilli etc when friends are round as i know its wasted, i would go mad if i knew my kids were ungrateful with what they were given, when i was growing i loved going to my friends and ate whatever was put in front of me.
It's not just a one off either, it is most of their friends?!

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 07/07/2015 18:15

See, why should we ask a child what they would like to eat each time? If you invite adults over for a meal you wouldn't ask them exactly what they wanted, you would probably check they weren't allergic to anything, but you wouldn't offer a menu.

Huh? Confused

"Hi Sarah. Mini Me has invited you to dinner. What sort of things do you like to eat?"

Seems pretty normal to me. I'm 46yrs old and people even did this when I was a kid.

Original poster
matrix11 · 07/07/2015 18:15

I meant by next room as in kitchen part, I have an open plan kitchen/diner, I am in the kitchen preparing my DP tea for when he gets in from work, which is pretty much the same thing but with rice!! So no I'm not being rude by not being in another room!

OP posts:
LashesandLipstick · 07/07/2015 18:15

And? She obviously didn't want it this time. stop taking it so personally

HoldYerWhist · 07/07/2015 18:15

Bit of a drip feed there, OP.

HoldYerWhist · 07/07/2015 18:16

And even still, YABU.

Candycoco · 07/07/2015 18:18

Yanbu. I hate feeding my dds friends they are always fussy and then my dd suddenly pretends she doesn't like cherry tomatoes or whatever (that she has been eating since she was a baby) because her friend doesn't like them. Very annoying.

MrsDeVere · 07/07/2015 18:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YeOldTrout · 07/07/2015 18:20

That's a massive drip feed to only reveal now that she ate the same meal last week with enthusiasm.

I'm kind of old fashioned in that I feel as a host I should put myself out for guests even very fussy ones. I understand better that she did your head in by refusing today what she loved last week, this is the part I would mention to the parents, but they don't have a remote control button on their DD. Don't invite her again if you can't handle her likely to do this next time, too.

GobblersKnob · 07/07/2015 18:20

A lot of a drip feed tbf.

Sallystyle · 07/07/2015 18:20

Good drip feed!

YABU she wasn't rude at all.

DoJo · 07/07/2015 18:22

i do think it is courtesy to eat what's given to you.

I disagree - if you don't like something, then you can't help that, and expecting a child to eat something that they find unpleasant just to express 'courtesy' is unreasonable. You tried your best, she tried her best and was polite when explaining why she didn't eat more - what's wrong with that?

Original poster
matrix11 · 07/07/2015 18:23

It's not a drip feed.
I don't expect them to eat everything put in front of them, I was just saying that meal times seem to be a real struggle nowadays, I would not post if it was a one off but it does seem all the time.
Perhaps it's my cookingWink

OP posts:
Original poster
matrix11 · 07/07/2015 18:24

And it's okay, I have made her something else, I'm not that cruel.
A cheese wrap!!!!

OP posts:
Blinkinwinkin · 07/07/2015 18:25

YAB a bit U as the child is a guest, but it does wind me up no end when this happens:

guests mum - child is a great eater, no allergies. Give her what ever you're having.

child. I don't like courgettes.
me: you don't have any courgettes on your plate. Those are sugar snap peas.
child: I am allergic to peas. And I don't like sweet potatoes.
me: You don't have sweet potatoes - that is butternut squash.
child. I don't think I like that.
Me: why don't you try a little bit, miniblinkin loves it. You can leave it if you don't like it.
child: no I don't eat orange food..

child then wolfed down the carrot cake.

One child told me that aubergines weren't "real food" when I served up a moussaka.

One parent told me off for giving her child mango chutney with curry (What you put jam on his dinner??)

I could go on so I feel your pain!

WhetherOrNot · 07/07/2015 18:25

If she ate it last time, then she can jolly well eat it this time. Or go without.

Can't abide, or be doing with, fussy eaters of any age.

pollyisnotputtingthekettleon · 07/07/2015 18:26

She ate it last week ... then shes trying it on. Dont pander. If she comes again. Tell her theres nothing else.

cuntycowfacemonkey · 07/07/2015 18:26

Of course it's a drip feed anyway YABU IMO. Going to someone's house for tea is meant to be a treat so if I was inviting someone for tea I would make sure I served something I knew they liked same way as when I invite adult friends to dinner I check that they like the food I am planning on cooking.

Mamus · 07/07/2015 18:27

Actually, having rtft properly, I've changed my mind. She wasn't rude at all. I always check with my ds's friends before preparing food because I don't think it's acceptable to make people eat food they dislike or to waste food.

HoldYerWhist · 07/07/2015 18:29

Can't abide people who have 'no time for fussy eaters'. It's not an indication of someone's character and the intolerance reflects more on the knob person with a problem with it, than the person who is 'fussy'.

OhMittens · 07/07/2015 18:32

I don't care less if a child doesn't want to eat the food I've put out. If they don't want it, that's fine. I will offer a sandwich or cereal or toast. If they insist they don't want to eat that then that's ok, I will ask them to let me know if/when they do want something.

What's the big deal?? For me, it's more important that child feels comfortable and not under pressure to eat something they don't want. It's not my job to insist they eat my food. I would tell the parent they didn't want dinner so parent knows they might still be hungry though.

Enjoyingmycoffee1981 · 07/07/2015 18:35

A child comes to my house for a playdate, I try my damnedest to make it a happy affair, and if that means catering for their tastes, then so be it. Let their parents do the parenting for them, and I will do the parenting for my children. If that means my children get a dinner of pizza and ice cream once every fortnight (about how regularly we have play dates), then so be it!

GobblersKnob · 07/07/2015 18:35

She ate it last week ... then shes trying it on. Dont pander. If she comes again. Tell her theres nothing else.

I just don't understand this attitude wrt children, there is no way you would do this to an adult with a meal, why should children have to put up with it?

Enjoyingmycoffee1981 · 07/07/2015 18:36

She ate it last week ... then shes trying it on. Dont pander. If she comes again. Tell her theres nothing else.

Oh so you have never not been in the mood for a particularly dish that you had the week before?

In any event, why the hell not pander? They are children on a play date, not a soldier on a military exercise for goodness sakes!

Justmuddlingalong · 07/07/2015 18:37

Does she come to your's for tea once a week after the club?

namechangeforphotos · 07/07/2015 18:40

My DD is a pretty serious food refuser, but even she'd have eaten your cheese and maybe half a wrap, OP.

I was going to say, obviously its a good idea to check with the friend what they would like to eat - but if she ate the same meal last week at your house, wtf are you supposed to do Confused

We haven't had a friend round for tea since DS' friend who claims to like pizza, came to the shop with us after school on the way home, picked out his own pizza (at my suggestion) then not only left the whole lot on his plate, but made a bloody mess with it too - took it all apart, mashed it with his fork, teeth marks on every piece but not a bite of it eaten Confused a sort of pizza protest, if you like...his mum claims he's a bit funny about food at other people's houses, he had no problem with my jelly and ice cream tho Hmm. I just explained he'd basically eaten no tea, and he might be a bit hungry.

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