AIBU to not offer my daughter's friend something else for tea?

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Daughter has a friend over for tea, done a simple tea of wraps with southern fried chicken, dips, bread sticks, grapes, grated cheese, nice selection of salad, nothing fancy but your basic salad, i am sat in the next room listening to her moan how she does not like anything there, apart from the cheese.
I am not going to get up and offer her anything else i am sick to the back teeth of having friends over who won't eat anything except for pizza, chips, crisps or chocolate.
I always try to do a nice simple but healthy tea, not just for mine but for friends too but they always moan, i avoid things like cottage pies, chilli etc when friends are round as i know its wasted, i would go mad if i knew my kids were ungrateful with what they were given, when i was growing i loved going to my friends and ate whatever was put in front of me.
It's not just a one off either, it is most of their friends?!

HoldYer - maybe that's why my son never was a fussy eater when little, didn't grow up to be a fussy eater, and isn't a fussy eater as an adult

i.e. I didn't pander to him.

Whether.... My two children eat pretty much anything other than lettuce and beet root. I'm not exaggerating.

And I am most definitely definitely a panderer!

Or you know you were lucky and had a child with no food issues, medical concerns or other reasons that might affect their level of fussiness, whether.

Oh so you have never not been in the mood for a particularly dish that you had the week before

I might not really fancy it, but I'd eat it rather than make the host do something else. As would most polite people.

I'm quite strict with my own children but I would never be the same with visiting children.
I can remember being asked if I liked spagetti bolognese as a child and said yes. My friends Mum served me the Heinz canned variety which was disgusting. I politely forced down the lot and thanked her, which was a massive mistake as it was then served everytime I went for tea.

Other people's kids can be a pita, you just have to suck it up and be thankful you can send them home IMO.

Perhaps I AB a little U calling her rude as her manners were lovely, Just despondent that they are fine to eat it one week but not the next.

I've only had one experience of this so far, dd's friend both 6.

I tried to stay very relaxed, said something like "never mind, just please sit here and keep us company whilst we eat then". I then quietly texted her Mum and asked if was OK to offer her a yoghurt for pudding. Her Mum said fine and sorry she'd meant to tell me she was a fussy eater. When pudding came out she said she didn't like that kind of yoghurt so again I just asked her to sit with us. A few minutes later she decided to try it, and liked it :)

Anyway, it worked out OK that time and at least her Mum was warned that she might need feeding when she got home. Who knows what will happen next time.

Yanbu at all. When I visit people I eat what I'm given and so do friends and family when visiting us. Children are no different. For the odd picky eater child I leave the plate out, put some food on if they haven't. Almost invariably they come soon after supper "I'm hungry". Point to the plate and the previously inedible food is wolfed down, even cold. They do come back for the next dinner+play date so they can't have suffered too badly.

My point exactly Enjoying. I just don't take picky eaters personally. I am more interested in them going home happy with the playdate.

"I just don't understand this attitude wrt children, there is no way you would do this to an adult with a meal, why should children have to put up with it?"

Actually, GobblersKnob, if I have invited some friends over for a meal, and have checked carefully that there isn't anything they can't eat or don't like, and have planned a delicious meal, taking account of any dislikes/allergies/whatever, and they then turned their nose up at five sixths of what I had made, then I would be pretty pissed off, and I don't think I would be rushing to the kitchen to make them a whole new meal. I might offer beans on toast or a sandwich, but I wouldn't be producing a whole new dinner-party-standard meal for them.

Total drip feed there and I'm a bit sceptical TBH...

BUT - she was perfectly polite. She ate what she wanted and she left what she didn't like and said she wasn't very hungry. That is showing good manners in my book, trying to show appreciation and not hurt the host's feelings.

I do not however subscribe to the "guests therefore they get to choose" view. They are children coming over for tea, my home is not a restaurant!

Surely WhetherOrNot if he has never been fussy you have never needed to pander to him though.
I was a very fussy child who was pandered to but am not really a fussy adult.
I don't pander to my DC but I don't expect them to like or eat everything either. Two eat virtually anything, one is a bit fussy and the other one is very fussy but loves foods that my other children don't like e.g. very spicy curry, rare meat, blue cheese and squid.

I would like to add that I was a most picky fussy eater but I worried about how to say I didn't like something for fear of being rude, I'd have happily eaten nothing than some of the things served up at friends' houses.

I was pretty much a bread, cheese, salad, basic sandwich kind of child. I wasn't sure over other people's home cooked food because tbh not many people are great cooks. I didn't like chips or burgers because we didn't eat them at home so I grew up feeling they were kind of frowned upon and wrong.

Now? I eat so many things I didn't like as a child, barring a few non-negotiables. Tastebuds change and mature over time.

I would rather make something I know a guest will like. It's not up to me to police how other people's kids eat.

It's a bit of both really. I usually ask if there are things that the intended guest doesn't eat or particularly likes or if I have meal planned I ask if they like it.

I don't worry about their manners as they aren't really your concern as they are not your child. As a guest if they don't have fun and don't want to come back because you are fixed on serving a particular healthy meal then it is your DC that will suffer.

That said your dinner sounds yummy and all of my DC would have eaten all of it and probably asked for seconds.

The OP's been told, by the girl's mum, that she eats pretty much anything, and she ate and enjoyed pretty much the same meal last week - so I don't think the OP was being entirely unreasonable to assume that this was a meal the child would like, Dame.

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* I might not really fancy it, but I'd eat it rather than make the host do something else. As would most polite people.*

Unless you are under 13 years old, I can't really see how your approach to being served something you are not in the mood for, is even remotely relevant to this discussion.

We are adults. This was a 9 year old.

Bare in mind, this child wasn't rude at all.

She thanked the OP and pretended she wasn't hungry. Now she's being vilified on the Internet. Nice.

I wonder if most of their friends don't like the food you offer - well perhaps it is your cooking

Seriously though - just offer some bread and butter or fruit and a yoghurt. Be a nice host and maybe have less children over for supper if it is really getting to you.

I would just offer a really simple alternative like buttered toast and let the mother know. I have a mild phobia about eating in public so I never pressure any guests or family to eat anything they don't want or get upset over wasted food.

I can't be doing with people who 'can't be doing with fussy eaters'.

If you seriously judge someone for not liking a food, you're the one wth issues.

What??