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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU not to pay her for a party she threw

408 replies

ahphoque · 06/07/2015 21:04

Last week I was visiting a friend and she had been invited to a party by a new friend of hers. I had previously met this friend but don't know her particularly well ikywim. Anyways, since my friend had only recently met this woman, she asked me to go as her plus one and so I went along with her. The party was quite dull and the woman throwing it was a bit off with my friend and rather rude towards me so we left after an hour or so.

We didn't have anything to eat (she had laid out crisps and the like) and brought a bottle of (rather expensive) wine each aswell as flowers.

This morning I received a text from party woman demanding £5 to cover the cost of the food she laid out. Now there were at least 60 people in attendance and there is no way she spent £300 on food.

AIBU to not pay her as I didn't eat any of the food and already gave her flowers and wine?

OP posts:
Wishful80sMontage · 07/07/2015 08:48

This is insane and your friend telling you to pay to avoid awkwardness! Confused
Please let us know what you do reply

Aeroflotgirl · 07/07/2015 09:03

Your 'friend' sounds like a very bad friend, I would distance myself from her after her behaviour towards you. Not only she invited you to a party, in which the host has asked you for money towards Shock, but is asking you to pay to save awkwardness for her. Sod her for a game of soldiers, shows you what she thinks of you as a friend. Any decent friend would pay if she alued the friendship with party host. Sid both of them, they deserve each other.

BigRedBall · 07/07/2015 09:06

"Oh ofcourse! I was meaning to message you actually. Let me know when you're free. The flowers I bought along were £5.99 and the wine £20. So added up, minus the £5 it turns out you owe me £20.99. I'll forgive you the 99p as I'm not a complete cheap skate ;). Thanks!

allowme · 07/07/2015 09:21

Send her a bit of a five pound note and say you only had a few crisps.

TheChandler · 07/07/2015 09:28

I think the woman holding the party really didn't like you or your friend! Any idea why? I would send her a text saying something like "I feel uncomfortable having to remind you of this, but normal manners and social skills not only mean making your guests welcome, but not charging them for food provided. If you do wish to go down that line, I will be made equally uncomfortable charging you for the flowers and wine that I brought and left with you".

MrsKoala · 07/07/2015 09:35

If i was the friend that brought you along i would say leave it with me and don't pay, then i would contact crisp friend and ask what she was playing at? Why, when i was told to bring a +1, that she was behaving so oddly about it. I would say it wasn't normal to ask people for contributions after a party and remind her that you brought wine and flowers which far exceeded the small amount of crisps you ate and the wear and tear on her floor of you being there for an hour. I'd make it clear i wasn't impressed and i would tell her not to contact you again. Then i would distance myself from her.

Saying to pay it is almost as odd as demanding it. Which makes me suspect we don't know the full story.

Justyouwaitandsee · 07/07/2015 09:55

As your friend seems to be acting oddly and not stepping up to resolve this on your behalf, can you clarify the invite situation with crisp lady? 'oh! [mutual friend] told me you said she could bring a +1. Was that not the case?' or 'oh! I thought that you had invited [MF] to bring a +1. Was that not the case? I did think everything felt a little bit odd despite us bringing wine and flowers'

OnlyLovers · 07/07/2015 09:59

Delete and block her number. What a cunt.

Your 'friend' can piss off as well. The only 'awkwardness' IMO would be on the part of the party woman or your so-called friend, when she realises with the benefit of hindsight what a stupid thing that was to say.

Stealthpolarbear · 07/07/2015 10:08

Ah hang on. Were the crisps pom bears?

LurkingHusband · 07/07/2015 10:09

Surely the best reply is THIS ?

Passmethecrisps · 07/07/2015 10:10

Are you very attractive OP? I wonder if she is insanely jealous?

I remember having chum who had few other friends at the time. She announced one day that she only befriended people who were less attractive than her. Everyone was Confused and looking at me who was Blush

In her defense we were young and I imagine she has grown out of that.

The whole thing sounds so weird.

I have had plenty of fairly small gatherings where friends have brought friends. One even brought a friend who brought her fiancé. If we had billed them who knows what it would have added up to. But we didn't because decent people don't do such things

TheChandler · 07/07/2015 10:17

I wondered if party friend was put out because the friend invited brought along a woman as her plus one, and not a man? And so didn't fit into some strict social code?

JinglyJanglyJungleBigGameTours · 07/07/2015 10:25

I love TheChandler's response!

Does she have form for this kind of behaviour OP?

feezap · 07/07/2015 10:25

This is amazing! OP, you must let us know of any developments.

CL sounds completely mental, and your MF is going the same way.

What complete craziness Shock Shock

PoppyBlossom · 07/07/2015 10:27

Have you ever had an affair with her husband? Clutching at straws for why she'd be so rude.

Tuskerfull · 07/07/2015 10:29

That would be a pretty big drip feed, PoppyBlossom Grin

LornaGoon · 07/07/2015 10:32

The Crisp Lady is clearly nuts, with unutterably bad manners, and the friend sounds a little bit of a twat too. I'd distance myself from both of them. I'd say the Crisp Lady was looking to be pals with the friend and OP spoiled that.

Get rid now OP. This sounds like a Wendy situation. The text sounds like a way to freeze you out.

paulapompom · 07/07/2015 10:38

Grin allowme - bit of a five pound note!

CainInThePunting · 07/07/2015 10:39

I really think you need to get into a dialogue with crisp lady to understand why she is sending you such a message, there must be a logical explanation as surely no-one is that unhinged?

Dear Crisp Lady
I'm afraid your message has perplexed me, I was not aware when (insert friend's name) invited me to come along that there was a fee to attend.
Was it a charity event? Which charity please?

Kind regards

OP

Starlightbright1 · 07/07/2015 10:40

place marking this will be a thread that keeps giving ..I feel it in my bones

thatsnotmyusername · 07/07/2015 10:43

i need to know more about this! update op!

BeyondTheWall · 07/07/2015 11:07

I reckon perhaps CL has her eye on a particular friend of MF and was hoping to be introduced to them? She is still a fruit loop though.

Oldraver · 07/07/2015 11:18

She sounds arrogant and deranged.

I don't think it was crisps she spent £300 on

SunnyBaudelaire · 07/07/2015 11:23

I think Cain has the best response yet!
What a cheeky witch!
It reminds of back in the 90s when an acquaintance of mine lived in a big warehouse squat, he would make a big pot of stew and offer it to people, then when they had eaten, he would tell them it was a pound.
But you know....squatters.....lol.

PrincessFiorimonde · 07/07/2015 11:27

Grin at 'she has the scandalous manners of a pig under a bed'. And at the suggestion you might have forgotten you had an affair with her husband!