Is rural life shit for teenagers?

[inmyshoos]

We live rurally in the Highlands. Eldest dc is last year in primary school. Secondary here has great reputation but very small.

We used to live an hour from Glasgow but moved here for work and thought nice place to raise dc. I can now see that as they get older they might need more. Teens that i know here say they love it. There is a very active youth club etc but I wonder if moving back where we were would give them a better life as they grow. More opportunity?

I am never sure because I love this area for being clean/safe etc but I wonder if they will get bored. Eldest dc already complains of 'nothing to do' but that could be lack of pals around (tiny school of 30 pupils in huge geographical area so no one to call round for here)

Aibu to leave a nice area with good schools or do you think teens need a big city nearby and the facilities that come with that?

It totally depends on the teenager.
If your DC are new to the countryside and are used to cinemas, shops etc being close by then they may well struggle to adjust.

I have always lived very rurally (still do) and when I was a teenager I pitied those 'stuck' in towns - as I saw it. By age 15 I could drive pretty well and regularly took the land rover out (on private land of course), I could also ride well and spent countless house on our horses. I was trusted to disappear off on my own miles from the house to fish or shoot. Whenever town dwelling friends / family came over they were frankly amazed by what I was allowed to do unsupervised.

Most of my friends were similarly rural so seeing them just meant grabbing a lift (or if it was just the next village then driving - ok a bit dodgy). Our social scene was the young farmers so taxis weren't an issue as to be honest we rarely made it home at all. We were more likely to wake up in a field.

Many people these days say that childhood is becoming less and less free (and I agree) but it certainly didn't apply to me and it won't apply to my children as I am bringing them up in the same way.

I feel truly lucky to have been brought up in the country.

I grew up in rural Wales and now live in London. There were a lot of good things about my teenage years: a properly comprehensive (albeit small) secondary; great community with everyone looking out for each other; good Saturday jobs in the small town (well, technically a town but it only had 3000 people so anywhere else would have been a village).

There were downsides too, though - had to travel miles to do most things including sports and shopping so my parents had to ferry us around everywhere. The school's small size meant there was limited choice of subjects and even though I did mainstream A Levels I had to share classes with year 13 whilst in year 12 and vice versa as there weren't enough teaching staff to keep the year groups separate. It worked out fine for me but could have been problematic for others. Also, LOTS of underage drinking - I was as nervy and goody two shoes as it gets, and even I started at 15.

On the whole I loved it and am sad that I'm bringing my boys up in a city. But it's not for everyone.

*nerdy

I went to boarding school at 11. In the holidays I lived n a farm in the countryside. I hated it as a teen and desperate to go back to school. I left home for good as soon as possible and have lived in London or the edge of nice Cathedral cities since.

My teenage children never have to walk more than 10 mins in to town. Their rural school friends live some 45 minutes away and their parents taxi them everywhere.

Wait until the children are all at secondary school; larger social circle and far more activities to do. But be prepared to be a permanent chauffeur; it is more difficult for teenagers to be independent when they cannot use public transport or walk to their friends houses.

Money seems to make a big difference, too. The happy teens here seem to have had access to more expensive country pursuits, and to cars/taxis. And it is worth thinking about their young adult years, too, with housing benefit etc no longer being available. If they don't find work after education, will they be able to move back home for a while while looking for work.

My parents moved me from the city to the country as a teen.

It was hell and I was so desperate to leave I dropped out of school early.

My nearest friend was over 20 miles away. I had a very long commute to school. I barely left the house other than to go to school. It really affected my social skills having so little contact with peers. I became sedentary and put on lots of weight. It was 10 miles to the nearest train station so I had no freedom. I just sat around watching tv most of the time.

There were no parks or anything to go walking/cycling in. The roads were fast windy dangerous country roads so not safe to walk/cycle on. The fields were all intensively farmed so you couldn't go on walks through them. No local shop- had to drive everywhere.

It was a really damaging physically & psychologically lifestyle. Hell would freeze over before I'd inflict that on my DCs.

Our social scene was the young farmers so taxis weren't an issue as to be honest we rarely made it home at all. We were more likely to wake up in a field.
I remember this so well

I grew up as a teenager in a remote Shropshire village, and it was a very isolated and isolating life. My mum didn't drive - and even if she had been able to drive, we could only afford one car, which dad needed, to get to work.

There was one girl my age in our village - but she weekly-boarded at her school - and was a bit of a bitch towards me anyway - so I had no friends. I did have a couple of friends at school, but they lived a minimum of 2miles away, so I could only visit if I was up for a long walk (which I did do, sometimes) or if dad was prepared to drive me (pretty much never happened). Parties or events like school discos all meant dad having to drive - and that rarely happened. Three evenings a week dsis and I were driven to music lessons, and that was all tthe driving of us that dad was prepared to do.

I guess rural life is OK if the parents are willing to do a lot more, to support and enable their children's social lives than is necessary if they live in a town or city.

I was a miserable and lonely teenager. We moved to the country because it was what mum and dad wanted - but I am not convinced they thought that much about the effect on my life or dsis's life. I think they thought it would be an idyllic childhood - and I think they chose not to examine the realities of the situation for their children any more closely because they didn't want to see that their choice might be bad for us - they really wanted to live in the country, and I have a horrible suspicion that that mattered more to them than dsis and I. I might be wrong, but I do know that we were given no say at all in the move. I wouldn't expect them to give a lot of weight to the views of a 10-year-old and an 8-year-old, but there was no consultation or discussion whatsoever.

When dh and I decided to move from Essex to Scotland (he'd been offered a really great job) we consulted the boys, and listened to, and addressed their concerns. Maybe it's a generational thing - maybe in the early 70s children generally didn't get any input into major family decisions - but I was moved into a very tight-knit rural community, where my accent and upbringing and background made me stand out like a sore thumb. I made very few friends, bu gained a raft of bullies who made my teenage years a misery and left me with life-long depression.

stdg where in Scotland did you move to and did you like it? Currently on rightmove

Thanks for all the replies folks

Gwen's live in a village near Paisley - it is pretty rural - we can be in the countryside very quickly, and there is plenty of open woodland around the houses on the estate where we live - but we are also less than half an hour's drive from the centre of Glasgow. There are good public transport links, so the boys have been able to have fairly independent social lives, rather than just relying on Mum's Taxi (though there has been plenty of that too).

We all enjoy living here and I am really glad we decided to move here - I am a bit wary of saying the actual village name publically, but I am more than happy to tell you, in PM, if you'd like to know.

Wowsers!! Dh and i went to school in Paisley! Very close to my folks. Please do pm me!!!

Sdt that's how I feel too.

My df had this fixation on moving to a certain part of the country. It was such a selfish decision. He had a local pub. He was ok. Me and my mum were horribly isolated and unhappy.

I begged them not to move. But I was only a child. I wasn't important.

My parents moved from a large city to the middle of nowhere because it was beautiful there and there was a large garden and they were into gardening. They were happy there. They didn't give a thought to there being almost no other children or even public transport for many miles, there not being any decent local schooling, and nothing to do other than go for local walks or be made to help with the gardening (they didn't drive us to any activities, which would have been a long way away). It wasn't a fun way to spend the teen years. I agree with Athena in that it was a selfish decision.

Somehow it feels much worse that you expressed your feelings,Athena, but were so totally ignored, than what happened to me, where mum and dad didn't ask us, and we didn't say anything. So for you and your mum.

What about ( state/weekly) boarding?

Best of both worlds?

I went to boarding school (not weekly boarding) it meant that when I came home for holidays I knew no one in the village and had no friends. In the world before the Internet it meant for very boring times I used to hate the summer holidays.

I wouldn't impose rural life on your children unless you are near other children (a decent number of them) who go to the same (decent) school. By near, I mean your children can easily meet up without needing lifts from parents. And you are also sufficiently close to the local town that they can get there on public transport, and can be ferried to the odd after school activity.

I honestly think teenagers have the propensity for being bored wherever they live.

I wasn't bored - I was isolated, lonely and miserable.

And you can expect years of loneliness and isolation to have a long term effect on your child's personality.

Like pixie here too, save test I hated school so much anywhere was better. So, pre Internet, I read. And became addicted. No addiction is good, even that one. I don't like being with people now.