Is rural life shit for teenagers?

[inmyshoos]

We live rurally in the Highlands. Eldest dc is last year in primary school. Secondary here has great reputation but very small.

We used to live an hour from Glasgow but moved here for work and thought nice place to raise dc. I can now see that as they get older they might need more. Teens that i know here say they love it. There is a very active youth club etc but I wonder if moving back where we were would give them a better life as they grow. More opportunity?

I am never sure because I love this area for being clean/safe etc but I wonder if they will get bored. Eldest dc already complains of 'nothing to do' but that could be lack of pals around (tiny school of 30 pupils in huge geographical area so no one to call round for here)

Aibu to leave a nice area with good schools or do you think teens need a big city nearby and the facilities that come with that?

We live in rural North Yorkshire, about 10 miles from the nearest city.

We also live close to a brilliant Sustrans cycle track which goes right into town so if my teenagers want to go into town with their mates, they can - cycle if they want to be independent, or go by bus. My older sons are now in their early 20s but my two youngest are 13 and 14 and so they are increasingly going to town with mates, as the older boys once did. We are not even in a village. But the nearest village has nothing for kids - no youth clubs - just a football pitch. Luckily both my younger kids are footie mad. So they play out a lot and have good social lives. My older kids, though, and their mates were all nerdy types who spent their lives on the X Box... (They always cycled, though).

For us, the kids cycling and learning to cycle on the roads as well as tracks, was the key to their being more independent and able to get to other places where things are going on, as nowt goes on here.

Lashes yes, I agree, horses for courses .

This is something we're wondering about. I think kids in rural areas (certainly younger ones) have less freedom. I can't let DD (9) out on her own as there are no pavements where we live, and people drive too fast down winding lanes. She can't walk across the fields at the back as there's a herd of cows (including a bull at the moment) who have been known to get a bit narky. If we lived in a town by now I would probably be letting her go to the local shop etc. on her own.

My teens could not have been more rural. Tiny primary, tiny (but amazing) secondary. They were absolutely wonderful years, I was very happy and got a first rate education (as a child living in a big town and attending huge primary I was diagnosed - unhelpfully - as having what was then referred to as learning difficulties. Whatever additional needs i think I probably did have were met when we moved to rural Scotland at both primary and secondary level with great respect and understanding. I eventually ended up with a degree from Oxford thanks to the support I got at both rural schools).
BUT my word of caution would be that when I did leave home and enter the big wide world I was very shy, quiet and trusting. I think these qualities in me are nice ones. But it was a big shock and I could have done with a slightly more gentle introduction to the outside world than university was able to give - I went to a very hard, rich, competitive college with students who had all been a private or public school together. Being good at networking, public speaking etc were all highly prized. If I could give my 18 year old self some advice it would be that being shy is OK and doing your own thing is OK. But that's probably good advice to any teenager!

I grew up in a city, and am bringing my DS up even more centrally in a city, so have no personal experience of rural life.

BUT - when I have expressed "perhaps I should move to the country" sentiments to friends who were brought up in the country, they tell me that, while some aspects of rural life are safer, I should bear in mind that there is no party animal like a rural or small town teenage party animal. They've said they were so bored that sex, drugs and drinking were their standard go-to amusements.

(And all these things are available in the big city, too, of course.)

It depends on your interests. DS1 and probably DS2 wouldn't like it. DD would like it. She's horse-mad and ideally for her we'd live in the country with stables. If there are other children around it would be better.

As for driving them around - I spend hours driving my DD from our house in a town to various stable to work or ride and to her various friends who live in the country and have horses....

I grew up in a tiny village (like 20 houses tops) and me and my Dsis loved it! There was 5/6 other kids In the village and we used to ramble up the hills, play at the park, go on our bikes. As we all grew to teens we made do with the one bus route which went 2 places, my mum and dad both worked full time so didn't think they should be then ferrying me about. I also got a job at 13 as a waitress to find a social life. Nearest town was 5 miles away, city about 10 miles by motorway.

True at 17 I had to learn to drive (more for my line of work) but I funded that myself and my parents bought me my first little run around.

Now as an adult me and my LOs love in the village 3 miles from where I grew up (only because I couldn't get a house there). There is a primary school here and a little shop and garage. There is a bus but again limited options and I hope when mine are teens they will enjoy it (not that they will have much choice)

I did live in a city for 2 years with a then boyfriend I hated every minute.

Oh and to add we didn't get Into any serious trouble even when we went to friends houses that lived in the towns. I remember once trying to buy a drink in the pub at the top of my village and she knew I was underage

We moved from London to Suffolk when I was ten so I spent my teens in a rural village. Up until I was 15 it was brilliant, spending all day out, building camps, riding my bike, paddling in the stream and roaming the fields but once I got to 15 and wanted to start going out more in the evening it became far more restrictive.

I agree with the previous poster about the driving, my dad was always ferrying me to and fro parties/gigs/meet ups with friends and often had to stay up until past midnight to come and collect me.

That should say fund a social life not find! Blooming auto correct

also none of us reverted to alcohol or underage sex through boredom. I don't know about the other kids In the village but I was 16 before i did any of that and I'm 27 now so not that long ago

I felt very isolated in a village as a teen - there was probably a very active social life if you were sporty and were involved in the sports and social club/am dram at the village hall, but my parents were not sporty and didn't encourage me to get involved in it. I was in Guides and later on Venture Scouts but that was the only social thing I did that was based in the village.

My BIL and his family on the other hand live in a village where there is loads going on and they have after school activities every night of the week, plus the adults have a very active social life too, but actually finding a village that has all this going on is always a challenge.

When I was little, our village had a library, community centre, 3 pubs, regular buses, etc, now most of those have gone. I would only move to a village having done plenty of research to be sure that the local facilities weren't on the verge of being shut down or disappearing.

Personally I'd go for 'small town with easy access to rural areas' or 'village close to small town, so close it's practically a suburb'. I'd love to be able to get into the countryside with my children as easily as I was able to myself, but without losing the convenience of having a proper high St in walking distance that I have in a town.

And I can't see my children having the freedom to roam around fields or on bikes that I had as a child, even if we did move to the country - so the idyll of them having the freedom I had is a fantasy anyway. Still feel conflicted about it though - I will always have a foot in both camps, half country half city girl.

I grew up in a city up to me being 10, had loads of friends, played out till dark rain or hunger forced us home and loved every minute of it. Then was told we were moving to the countryside for my benefit. I left having a huge circle of friends of all age groups to not venturing outside the confines of the garden for weeks at a time during the holidays. I hated it. It was the worse time of my life. I met my dh when I was 17 after the second visit to local pub. he said he was trying for jobs in London. I moved in with him 6 weeks later and after he had secured a job moved to London. We have then moved all over the country but never back to where we lived for over 20 years.

Dd and ds have the life I wished I had as a teen. Dd has a range of jobs out side of school. She goes out with her friends, she has her phone, her oyster card and as long as she sticks to places where there is CCTV I feel safe letting her go off in the morning. Maybe I am a townie by heart but living in the countryside with no CCTV, no people about, she would not be allowed to leave the house.

It's a tricky one. I think it depends on your teen, their hobbies and how close friends are.

I have two children (14 and 12) and we live in a village. My eldest would like to live closer to school so that he could meet up with friends without needing to involve us. He's very sporty and would love to be able to walk to friends to play sports together. My youngest has a pony and can ride to her friend's farm. Her friend also has a pony and they do lots of jumping together or go for long hacks. She would hate us to move but that might all change if this pony phase doesn't last long.

We've always been very willing to drive our children to friends' houses or to go to collect their friends because we were the ones who chose where we live and also chose to send them to a school that is a 25 minute drive away.

I grew up in a large town between two cities. I had access to regular buses and trains to both cities. There was a high street with shops, library, leisure centre. There was even a cinema there (showing my age now). I had 2 very part time jobs from about the age of 14 which was very handy. Have to say that it wasn't the best of towns though. My parents chose to send me to a school in one of the nearby cities rather than one of the two secondaries in our town. Walking down our high street was quite intimidating because I went to the wrong school (had glass bottles thrown at me once).

I do worry a bit that my children will find it hard to get Saturday jobs / holiday jobs without involving us. We'd always be happy to ferry them about but that's not the same as being able to do it all for yourself.

I think I know where you are shoos because of previous posts.
I too am in rural highlands and grew up here myself before moving away and then coming back.
My teenage years consisted of boys, underage drinking, a few drugs....but that's not to say your dc will go that way.
I started off well, was horsey etc but then I met people who liked going to pubs so I did that instead and discovered boys. I got over it tho and now love the rural life for all the right reasons.

However we have said that when our dc are teenagers we are going to move back to a big town so they can do things like go to the cinema, bowling, get buses around etc.

That's unless they still love living here but I doubt they will. Other options are they can go and stay with our families at weekends or holidays to get a taste of town life. Best of both worlds maybe, is that an option for you?

It depends on how rural. We live a mile and a half away from the nearest village of less than 100 people. It has no shop, pub, bus service etc. There are 5 other children the same age as my two (+/- 5 years!!). But 5 miles in the other direction is a small town of around 30,000 with swimming pool, couple of supermarkets, independent cinema etc etc.

Having been brought up very close to where I live now, the teenage years weren't too bad. As someone else said, Young Farmers is/was fantastic in bringing those from isolated farms and villages together. More importantly was the fact that a taxi home after a night in the local town was affordable.

I really only class people that live 20+ miles away from a small town/large village with pub/shop/bus as being rural and it's not a life that I would enjoy now, and certainly not as a teenager.

I grew up rurally and whilst I love the countryside I was very glad to move to the city where I don't need to drive. Perversely, I am far more active living here than I ever was in the countryside, everything is a walk or cycle away rather than a dull drive.

I think it depends on the child. I would worry a bit that with more and more concentration of employment in cities that a child who was only accustomed to an extremely rural way of life might struggle in future.

It can work the other way, too, though. I grew up in a town and I couldn't wait to get out to the city. As a grownup, I lived in a proper working village (not one of these commuter places) for a few years and absolutely hated it. The people were terrifying and the whole thing made me realise that I cannot survive outside of an urban environment. I am terrified of proper country folk with their wellies and guns.

purple i will pm you. Someone else thought they knew the area but wasnt the case. I think so msny of these rural areas in the Highlands are just so similar!

For teenagers, its not just about having things to do. Its about being able to do them independently.
Walking to meet friends in the local park.
Walking to meet friends in the local cinema.
Taking the frequent local bus/tube the short distance to the shops.

None of that is about where they're going. Its about having the freedom to have periods of time without adult supervision.
Going to friends houses isn't the same. It's still adult territory. And if you have to be driven there and back it definitely isn't the same.

Million, I agree

The funny thing though is that where we live (small village) there is a lot more freedom for teens, and things to do than in town!

Young people meet up in the woods/beach/by the river for an adult-free get together. They swim, they get drunk, they get noisy. Much more freedom in the country, no?!

I think this depends A LOT on your individual DC. Some will thrive in this kind of rural, close-knit community - others will be bored out of their brains.

I grew up in rural north Norfolk. We had one bus a day to Norwich and it took aaaages, because it went via all the villages. I had two friends who were near-ish, but as I went to boarding school my best friends lived too far away to see much of them in the holidays. When I was younger (under 13 or so), it was okay, after that I was bored and frustrated. I wanted to wander round the shops, go and see a film, hang out with my friends, but I had to rely on my DM to take me everywhere and she, not surprisingly, found being my taxi service rather tedious. Personally, I'd have LOVED it if we'd moved closer to Norwich so I could just jump on the bus and do my own thing. My DSis, OTOH wasn't at all bothered and just hung out at home quite happily.

And a big 'yes' to this: they were so bored that sex, drugs and drinking were their standard go-to amusements

" they were so bored that sex, drugs and drinking were their standard go-to amusements "

well I am afraid this is true, my son is a weed head and my daughter loves rum and shagging her boyf.

mind you my son would have become a fatty in town, as it is he walks about 100 miles a week.

I grew up in a small village and there were few kids my age, so I spent a lot of time alone and I missed out because all my friends lived in the same town and it was easy for them to meet up after school. My dad did drive me around quite a lot though, so I'd go out on a Friday or a Saturday night, but it was the casual hanging out after school that I couldn't do so I often felt left out. I would never put my DD in this situation. We live in a town so near to fields etc. but also shops and the park. I think this is perfect at her age (12) as she has a lot of freedom to go out and about that her friends at her old school in the city don't have because it's so safe and because there are lots of people around that we know. But a larger village might have been okay and also if there were more people in the same situation it might have been okay, there were only two small villages feeding my high school (which was probably about eight of us in the whole year) and everyone else came from the town, which exacerbated it.

We also underage drank, I first had a cigarette in the fields when I was nine as we hung out with the older kids through necessity, sex in barns etc. etc.