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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is rural life shit for teenagers?

172 replies

inmyshoos · 06/07/2015 19:31

We live rurally in the Highlands. Eldest dc is last year in primary school. Secondary here has great reputation but very small.

We used to live an hour from Glasgow but moved here for work and thought nice place to raise dc. I can now see that as they get older they might need more. Teens that i know here say they love it. There is a very active youth club etc but I wonder if moving back where we were would give them a better life as they grow. More opportunity?

I am never sure because I love this area for being clean/safe etc but I wonder if they will get bored. Eldest dc already complains of 'nothing to do' but that could be lack of pals around (tiny school of 30 pupils in huge geographical area so no one to call round for here)

Aibu to leave a nice area with good schools or do you think teens need a big city nearby and the facilities that come with that?

OP posts:
RuralLifeIsntRubbish · 06/07/2015 20:00

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Peshwari · 06/07/2015 20:00

I think it very much depends on the child. I loved the freedom I had where we grew up and a really close knit group of friends. My sister on the other hand is determined that her children will never grow up in some godforsaken place like she had to!

Original poster
inmyshoos · 06/07/2015 20:04

rurallifeisntrubbish now i am intrigued!! What are the initials of the school? Highlands are so huge!

OP posts:
LapsedTwentysomething · 06/07/2015 20:04

Maybe semi-rural would be a good compromise. I grew up in the countryside, but stayed with my dad in the nearest town every other weekend, so I could see the advantages of being able to do things without having to rely on parents.

My younger DBs lived only in the countryside. One disliked it and still does, and the other was indifferent but appreciates it more now.

I now live in the town my dad lived in and I think it's probably the better option. It's a smallish town and we live on the edge, with easy access to the countryside. I think I'd struggle to live as rurally as my DM (no mains gas / water!) but equally I wouldn't want to live in the city.

RuralLifeIsntRubbish · 06/07/2015 20:05

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Petallic · 06/07/2015 20:06

I think it does definitely depend on the child - both dp and I grew up in small villages/rurally. My friends and I spent most of our time drinking & taking drugs in a field. I resented my parents for making it so bloody difficult to get anywhere - 2 buses on a Sunday etc. whereas dp was far more outdoorsy & so was busy running, climbing, camping etc all over the moors and so loved living in the middle of nowhere.

MrsAmaretto · 06/07/2015 20:06

Teenagers will complain wherever they are. The problem seems to be lack of friends nearby - is moving within the same catchment an option? I grew up in a rural area but in a village, it was harder for the kids who lived in farms & isolated houses. As parents all you can do is facilitate friend meet ups & clubs by driving them.

Would your child really be out every night after school & at weekends if you lived in a town?

Baguettes · 06/07/2015 20:06

We live rurally but I commute to control London. Perfect balance of country and city life. DS loves where we live. He's young, but we will never move to anywhere less rural. Not living in a city or suburb does not necessarily = isolation / boredom.

LadyMaryofDownton · 06/07/2015 20:06

I've always lived in the sticks & wouldn't have it any other way! In my teens I went to youth clubs, friends houses & pretty much played by myself (only child). I was happy & content & learned so much about life that school never teaches.

My hubby on the other hand lived in a big town with lots of amenities & swore he would never leave it. Two years before we married he moved here with me & he said it was the best decision he's ever made, especially now we have children.
One of which is now 10, she loves the countryside & we have great friends here with various community centres that run events (they are literally at the top of a mountain but everyone goes there)

Personally I feel country life is better for the kids, they might grow up a bit sheltered but that's not a bad thing.

LibrariesGaveUsPower · 06/07/2015 20:07

I think either is preferable to a small town. I grew up in one of those. There was a lot of drug taking, cider and 20/20 drinking and sex in fields. The teens were bored out of their brains and the devil makes work....

shubedo · 06/07/2015 20:08

I think it is ok, grew up on Tiree myself and it was great close friendships and we all got great exam results much better I am sure than if we had been in a town with more distraction but I was very glad to leave and go to Uni on the mainland and while I do visit and miss it I would not move back. The people I know who did not leave all have drink problems now, maybe ok if you have small kids or are retired but perfect for kids to keep them out of trouble.

BishopBrennansArse · 06/07/2015 20:10

I found it bloody awful to be honest.

Don't go thinking they can't get in any trouble - I still got pissed and smoked...

Baguettes · 06/07/2015 20:11

Much like ladymary, I too liberated my DH from a city life. He would never look back now (possibly enjoys where we live even more than I do Grin).

IrenetheQuaint · 06/07/2015 20:14

It is so personal. I grew up in a country village and as a result I love living in London with an overwhelming passion that has yet to fade after 15 years.

Ironically, I loathed all that outdoors shit in my teens, but now really enjoy some hillwalking (for a few weekends every summer before I return to the cultural joys of the city)

LilyMayViolet · 06/07/2015 20:14

I think it depends on many things. We moved to basically the middle of a field when we kids were 13, 15 and 16. It was a horrible time to move anyway and we were very resentful. Having said that the community we moved to was incredibly unwelcoming and boring. My parents were reluctant to give lifts and the nearest bus stop was 3 miles away. We all hated it and moved to the city as soon as we could.

Nowadays though, my brother lives rurally with his teens. He is more than willing to give them lifts and they seem very happy indeed. I wouldn't live rurally with my dd because I love the fact that she can step out of our front door and walk anywhere, park, cinema, theatre, cafes etc.

ancientbuchanan · 06/07/2015 20:15

I was as bored as hell. Single parent family, no money to drive me any where, no public transport. NSo chance of part time job.

Activities,
Under age sex
Under age drinking
Drugs
Under age tractor driving

I didnt, but mild vandalism.

Just saying.

LilyMayViolet · 06/07/2015 20:16

Having said that we spend most of our holidays in rural locations and all adore it!

FrancesHB · 06/07/2015 20:16

I was a teenager in Glasgow and I adored city life. Was streetwise enough and not freaked out when I moved to another city then London later on.

The only trouble is you get a hot spoilt by the culture on your doorstep and everywhere that's not a city seems dull in comparison. I had so much independence and could look after myself in a way my children will not be able to. We now live rurally and I hate it. I wish we'd never moved here tbh.

whois · 06/07/2015 20:18

If you live rurally, you have to be a VERY willing taxi service to facilitate your teens social life.

If you think you won't be happy playing taxi for many years, then it's not fair to be remote.

Sparklingbrook · 06/07/2015 20:18

DS goes to a High School where most of the pupils are bussed in from rural villages. We I would say are semi rural with decent bus and rail links to proper civilisation. I do spend an awful lot of time ferrying him back and forth to the small villages and the parents of his friends do the same back this way.

They sometimes get the one bus a day into the nearest town and back again.
Part time jobs are harder to find rurally unless walking distance too.

Lurkedforever1 · 06/07/2015 20:18

Depends on the individual. Pre child I lived very rural, some local teens loved the freedom and were into ponies, quads, off roaring on private land etc. others hated it and ended weekly boarding (whether at private or with friends in town) with parents playing taxi/ host every weekend and holiday.

LashesandLipstick · 06/07/2015 20:19

Frances agree with getting spoilt. I grew up 20 mins from a large city and anywhere else seems very boring and dull. I just can't get excited about mud and fields like I can about art galleries and concerts

ThursdayLast · 06/07/2015 20:21

I think it doesn't really matter that much. Lots of teenagers survive all kinds of varied upbringings in different locations!

I know that even had I hated my rural upbringing, my parents, as tenant dairy farmers were hardly in a position to give it up and move just for me. And I think they would have been thought over indulgent and slightly unhinged if they had!

Sparklingbrook · 06/07/2015 20:25

Some of the rural teenagers have or want mopeds.

ancientbuchanan · 06/07/2015 20:26

Oh, there wasn't any choice. But by god it was dull. And in an area that still has limited broadband, impossible to get anything other than R1, vanishingly small library service, school bus and that's it save on market day. One shop. Two pubs.