Is rural life shit for teenagers?

[inmyshoos]

We live rurally in the Highlands. Eldest dc is last year in primary school. Secondary here has great reputation but very small.

We used to live an hour from Glasgow but moved here for work and thought nice place to raise dc. I can now see that as they get older they might need more. Teens that i know here say they love it. There is a very active youth club etc but I wonder if moving back where we were would give them a better life as they grow. More opportunity?

I am never sure because I love this area for being clean/safe etc but I wonder if they will get bored. Eldest dc already complains of 'nothing to do' but that could be lack of pals around (tiny school of 30 pupils in huge geographical area so no one to call round for here)

Aibu to leave a nice area with good schools or do you think teens need a big city nearby and the facilities that come with that?

I wouldn't want my teens loose in a big city. I'd rather teach them to handle freedom and responsibility in a safer environment first. Plus there is plenty to do rurally - sports and outdoor pursuits (climbing, kayaking, surfing, etc) that couldn't be done in the city. You may have to act as chauffeur more though!

My teens moaned about living the rural life - but now they are adult they admit they had a better life than their town friends. They have turned out as resilient adults, used to seeing problems solved - when the snow blocked the roads you walked to school or joined the digging team.

Yes there was lots of taxi-ing around when they were at secondary school and any friends were always the most far flung children. They learnt to drive at 17 and the next lesson was how to change a wheel as the flints washed out of the banks could slice a tyre! Country lanes are dangerous for new drivers but they learn country driving and that is a skill for life.

Rural life is great for teens but they will flee the nest for the cities when they are adults unless there is local work and then you find the worst time for the rural life is when you are getting older - its lonely and very limiting if you do not have family close by. A bus pass doesn't help when there are no buses…..

I grew up rural. It was pretty awful until I learnt to drive and got my first car, at the first opportunity.

But it doesn't have to be rural or big city. There are lots of middle options. We have buses and trains to 4 large towns and can get a quick train straight to London, so I think that's a reasonable balance.

I never thought I would say this but hearing DS1 play online with a headset on the PS4 with all his mates that live in the middle of nowhere makes me happy.
It's not the traditional socialising but I don't mind.

I hated it. But my parents were pretty controlling so I think it wasn't the specific location which felt stifling, so much as my family life.

Fwiw, if I have children, I would always make sure we were on the outskirts of town at least, so that they could meet friends and have some independence.

rural all the way. I was raised in the country and would pick it 100% over city life.

I was massively bored in a village as a teen. I felt isolated and there was nothing to do. Spent all my time waiting for the hourly bus out, plus so much time in the car too and from school. I'd choose a city/town anytime for my kids.

I grew up in a very small rural village, hated it, lucky enough to live in leafy suburbs of a big northern city, 20 min bus ride into town, 10 min drive or 30 min cycle to a national park- best of both worlds

What I found difficult as a teenager in a small rural village was that everybody knew me and my family. So when I was working out who I was and trying to be someone other than just the second child of x family, I was constantly being reminded that everyone knew everything about me, my family, that stupid thing I did when I was 11, that time that x happened etc. Plus everything got reported back to my parents. Oh, the joy of escaping at 18 to somewhere where nobody knew me and my family and my entire life story so that I could start to be the person I wanted to be.

Rural life for teenagers can be shit, but there's a lot that you as a parent can do to make up for the disadvantages. I spent many of my teenage years moaning that there was "nothing to do" and that I never saw anyone, but on the other hand my parents also spent a lot of time moaning about having to give me lifts when they weren't for formal extra-curriculars IYSWIM. So I tended not to see many friends (there were I think two other children my age in the village I lived in) because I knew my parents would moan about being a taxi-service.

I now live in the countryside and cannot imagine living anywhere else - I love the space and the views and the small-village community. But when/if I have DC I have promised myself I will do my best to not complain when they inevitably ask for lifts to see friends, go to the shops, etc. I think if you as an adult choose to live in a place then it's your responsibility to help ensure your children - who don't have the same ability to transport themselves around that you do! - to keep up a social life.

The whole point of being a teenager is boredom, angst and having something to complain about. So if you move to a town with every leisure activity going they will still sit in their bedrooms or mope around the bus shelters from time to time.
Do what will make you happy but keep in contact with your city friends and theirs so they have somewhere to run to (and you can reciprocate with lots of country stuff)

I think that there can be plenty to do if you live in a village with good transport links to a town but if you are too isolated you will spend a lot of time chauffering and informal contact with peers will be difficult.

I wouldn't choose to live rurally unless I had loads of money to facilitate giving up/minimising work (due to the time and hassle of getting in and back daily), getting a car each and driving lessons at 17 for DC etc. Even then the lack of convenience and proximity to facilities would drive me mad I think. The countryside is nice for a holiday or retreat but not for everyone as a permanent residence. I can't imagine having to live in the middle of nowhere as a teen, though maybe with Internet etc it could be better than it used to be. I'm not outdoorsy either which may not help. Not saying people who like it are wrong, just its not for everyone.

I suppose it is different for different children.

DS1 was 5 when we moved rurally and has never truly embraced it - he is now almost 19 and can't wait to get to uni in September and away from the rural backwater as he calls it. Both our rural locations have been away from the main towns with little for older kids to do and I never really considered the longer term. I think the issue for DS1 is that he didn't join any groups and wasn't interested in sport so didn't really do much out of school - on the plus side he did become more independent sooner than most of his friends as far as getting buses and trains and going further afield - but that also relies on money and getting a part time job is not as easy.

It has been great for our younger 3 who have only ever known a rural life and I think they will fair better as they have stronger friendship groups and more interest in their surroundings and take part in more after school stuff. I

Think few things help. As already said be prepared to give lifts with no complaining. To friends sports and school stuff.Chatting in the car is a great way to bond with teenagers. It's one of my favourite times. Also be ready to have friends stay over. All my kids friends from town have always stayed here. Plenty of sleeping bags and they just watch movies play xbox whatever. Remember they will never know anything else and when they complain know that kids in cities complain too. When they're home they're home there is no going out on the street or need of times to come in. Youre collecting them so they come home then. Also when they go to college they love all the company and pals.

I grew up in a rural area near a city and went to school in the city. So although it was great that I had access to both the city and the countryside I HATED the fact that all my friends lived near each other and could just go out of an evening together and muck about in the local park but I could only do that if I'd prearranged it and it was convenient for my parents to pick me up. It was a bit rubbish socially but I managed, and enjoyed the benefits of living in a lovely quiet area. Have you spoken to your DC about how they feel about moving?

Depends on how well you know the teenager.

My dc love where we live but part of that is they are almost afraid of the idea of living near Glasgow! They worry because they know there is more crime there! They feel safe in our wee community and are very proud of their wee school.

I've NC-ed for fear this will out me.

I am a complete mongrel - born in London to 2 London parents, moved when I was 6 to some shit hole city in the country, moved to a (University) city (with good transport links to London and also north, south and west. East not so good) at 11 and I'm still there. MY DS lives outside the same city in a rural village.

Her kids at Primary DEF had an amazing time.... Off in the fields blackberrying, etc. SHIT for them as teenagers.

My DD does 12 extra curricular things a week. Would be a NIGHTMARE and even more expensive if we weren't on the doorstep.

We are campers, and love the outdoors, but we appreciate what living in a city offers us, even though it's expensive, materialistic, etc.

Yes unless you're willing to be a taxi service.

My parents moved us to the "wonderful" countryside when we were kids, I will never do this to my children. I went from being outgoing and social with many friends to introverted with few friends. First of all nearly all of my friends were realistically a drive away to get to and my parents hated driving us anywhere. There were sporting clubs and activities that I would join but end up stopping because my parents got tired of having to drive me and in the end refuse alltogether, my friend's parents not surprisingly got weary of giving me lifts. Same for after school activities. Public transport was a joke (2 buses a day and half the time the bus driver wouldn't stop at the only bus stop in the village.) The countryside has wonderful benefits but unless you are prepared for the fact that your kids will need you to provide them with lifts to do anything until they can drive. I look back on my teenage years as a frustrated time of loneliness and boredom tbh, and yet somehow my parents couldn't understand why I was so happy going to university in London that I never come in the holidays!

Obviously my experience makes me very biased, but I've always considered that even raising teenagers in a small town where they can walk/use reliable public transport to reach sports clubs, libraries etc... would be a much better option.

Well I hated it. However I did spend about 10,000 hours learning to play the piano etc as there was fuck all else to do.

I grew up rurally in the Highlands. Very isolated but high school of normal size so lots of kids. I was never bored and would have hated doing my teenage years in a city. I loved climbing hills with friends, swimming in rivers in summer, having sleepovers, staying over with friends to go to rural dances in village halls etc. Our closest city was Inverness which was fine for a day out going to the shops and cinema etc. When I was old enough I did this with friends on the bus together.

Getting their driving licence will be fairly important compared to city kids.

I don't think there's one answer really though, it depends on your children and their personalities and what they like to do.

I grew up on a farm and life was very boring until we learnt to drive and could go to the Young Farmers' Club which before you all burst out laughing is a brilliant institution with a massive range of activities. Country life for teenagers who are not part of this is boring and shit. I would never impose it on anyone.

That fear of the city you mention, is what would discourage me inyourshoes. From my early teens I was happy to be in unfamiliar surroundings, knowing that a tube station or bus stop was within walking distance of anywhere. I would worry that that kind of insular life could be a hindrance (a rural friend of a friend didn't come to a birthday party because she had never been on a train on her own and was too afraid)

I wouldn't want my kids to fear anything. Especially when there is nothing to fear. A mix is probably the best bet.