Is rural life shit for teenagers?

[inmyshoos]

We live rurally in the Highlands. Eldest dc is last year in primary school. Secondary here has great reputation but very small.

We used to live an hour from Glasgow but moved here for work and thought nice place to raise dc. I can now see that as they get older they might need more. Teens that i know here say they love it. There is a very active youth club etc but I wonder if moving back where we were would give them a better life as they grow. More opportunity?

I am never sure because I love this area for being clean/safe etc but I wonder if they will get bored. Eldest dc already complains of 'nothing to do' but that could be lack of pals around (tiny school of 30 pupils in huge geographical area so no one to call round for here)

Aibu to leave a nice area with good schools or do you think teens need a big city nearby and the facilities that come with that?

Well, dd is only just a teen, but I was very tickled a few months back when she told me how sorry she felt for city kids who only got to come here on holiday for a couple of weeks. Because they must be so bored in the city where there's no sea or mountains or space - what do they do with their spare time . . . ?

Mind you, I grew up in the rural east Midlands which was truly dull. So I reckon you either need to be truly properly rural (which it sounds like you are, OP), or else full on city.

The midges would do it for me, though - it'd have to be Glasgow for my sake!

Living in a tiny rural village with moaning teenagers constantly needing lifts is my idea of personal hell.

If teenagers aren't keen on the productive activities that are made possible by rural living (horse riding or gardening or... whate else is there) I think it's pretty dire to grow up in the back of beyond, bored out of your skull.

Completely depends on the teenager. My eldest son hated the feeling of isolation and 'rural pursuits' and began heading into the city for concerts, galleries, music clubs, and the like as soon as he got his driver's license. Youngest son thrived on country life and loved camp outs, hiking, swimming in the lake, etc.

Kids can get in trouble anywhere. There may be more 'opportunity' in a city but drugs, sex, and the petty shit kids do are available no matter where you live.

I grew up in a tiny village in the countryside, and couldn't wait to leave. Having to rely on parents all the time for lifts as a teenager was an absolute PITA (no bus service where we lived) in terms of getting to see friends, plus staying after school for clubs etc was out of the question unless I co-ordinated with my parents which took massive amounts of negotiation.

Unlike others on this thread, most of us didn't take any interest in rural outdoorsy activities, and couldn't wait to slouch round town or the local chip shop (8 miles away) if the opportunity presented itself. Don't for one minute think that living rurally provides an idyllic 'naice' lifestyle for teens; there was a prolific drinking, soft drugs and sex culture prevalent as there was naff all else to do.

We split our time between rural and city.

When we're in the country, my teens tend to spend their time chilling. We have a pool so they swim, they walk the dogs, they read, they watch movies and youtube etc

If they want to do stuff, I have to step up with lifts (I've taken four lads go-karting today).

In the city, they're far more independent and meet up with friends to do stuff if they want to do it without me needing to get involved too much.

Depends on you as well. If you are social and build a network, chances are your teenagers will be happier. I didn't moan about growing up in a rural area with a hermit for a mother and it had its moments, but moving to a proper town aged 16 was absolutely fucking fantastic because of the people, all the lovely people, and a library and friends I could visit under my own steam. I like to live within 10 mins walk of a city centre now.

Today I went to the supermarket, 60 miles away and a ferry ride. I saw both next door neighbours (from either side) and 2 nursery mums - which is quite funny as there are only 16 or so kids in the nursery.

One thing I feel quite strongly about is that I want my children to have a gap year where they go and do all that "stupid shit" like aggravate the locals in Patpong, hitch-hike through Saskatchewen and adopt a crappy aussie accent in Cairns. I'd like them to go away to uni if they wish to do further education because it seems to me that those who are more content with rural life are those who went away and experienced something different.

We've been living in the countryside (abroad) for 2.5 years and I grew up in it although I started boarding at 9. We are moving to a city next month and we can't wait. My eldest especially is desperate for some independence again. I agree with pp who said it's not about what teenagers do, it's having the freedom to do some of it alone. In our situation there is no freedom for DC.

If you have friends on your doorstep then it is much easier I should imagine. For us though here there are no opportunities for teenagers (or younger DC) apart from going to school and then they get driven, miles. The DC are really excited about being able to walk to school again. Alone. So am I ! It's very nice here in summer because it's hot and we have a pool but it's still boring, for us.

I totally agree with a lot of what had been said about independence. Kids get to be more independent in the country, but teens generally in the city I think.

I am in the 'get thee to a town at least' mentality. I grew up in the countryside and as a pp said, loathed the idea that everyone knew me and I had no secrets. There was a lot of sex and drugs and drinking. I went to a city to live after uni and love being anonymous. I would contemplate moving rurally in the future, but not until DC is of uni age and left home.

If you are somewhere with a strong community, which really includes young people, then rural is fine. I would much prefer my kids to grow up in a city to the country because I'm convinced that the countryside is really dangerous for teenagers, with a lot of drinking, drugs, and car accidents. I'm the opposite of the poster who lived in a village with a cycle path to the town - I live in a beautiful historic town with a cathedral, museums, university, art galleries, theatre, arts centres etc within walking distance. Also within walking distance are nature reserves and river banks where we can go blackberrying, pick sloes, climb trees, walk past cows, sheep and horses etc. A 40 minute (at 6 year old's pace) bike ride along an off-road cycle path takes us to farms etc.

That's the right balance for our family. I'd rather live somewhere properly rural but with good community though, than in a commuter town or suburb. I think that a sense of community is probably more important than theatres or fields.

I grew up in the Highlands and hated it. Sex and heavy underage drinking was standard fare and roughly half the girls in my class were pregnant/had babies by the time I was 18 (90s). Talking to folk from other areas, that wasn't normal.

I was gutted about being too rural (i.e. not from one of the bigger villages) nor attractive enough to participate so I just knuckled down and studied - which got me my ticket out of there ASAP. So it all worked out alright for me, but not for many, many others.

I grew up in central-ish London (zone 2) and life at 13/14/15/16 was not some fantastic round of entertainment. I hung out with friends, we travelled into central London to window shop (limited funds), went bowling, tried to get served alcohol and if lucky got drunk in local parks, cinema, McDonalds. Not exactly the height of culture or excitement! When you are underage but old enough to be independent, unless you have unlimited money, life can be a bit dull. Sorry to say, not all that different to a small village or town I would imagine.

The answer to the question in OP is ...
'Yup ... pretty much' - said in the voice of my teenage DD who isn't horsey, sporty or YF...

But she could survive in a small tent with no loos, a camp fire to cook and a guitar to entertain - and she isn't afraid of walking long distances alone through fields without a map or of the dark or total silence at night.

It's idyllic seen through the prism of every 'famous five' & 'swallows and amazons' rose tinted glasses nostalgia filled mum & dad & colluding adults.

Rural life is amazing 0 to 13 approx then a hard slog - social media for social life - how else to keep up with school friends living within a 30+ mile radius of the school.

13 to 15 the transition years - still building dens but now they're for snogging in - it would be more but there's six of them in there all sheltering from the rain.

15 to 17 the underage drinking in a field years - who cares about the den let's get jiggy with it in the hedge. And it gets very intense when your boyfriend is your best friend's brother.

16 to 20 - anything to get years & parental fear - some of them can drive! Sadly my children know of more young people who've died through car accidents than relatives who've died from old age. No Saturday jobs because the village shop can only employ one extra pair of hands and that job's been taken by the retired colonel who's wife's made him do it on threat of divorce.

18 they go to uni and if you're lucky they come home in the holidays and their friends like camping out for free/eat all your food in the quaint countryside.

21 they're gone because there's no work and no one under 60 can afford to buy a house.

Yes. I grew up in North East rural Scotland. Hated it.

Lol Mumbehavingbadly. I agree with all of this.
I spend a lot of time driving my teenagers around but they don't seem to care and are heavy users of Social media and on line gaming with their friends. We do have an erratic bus service and DD15 is a quite good at using public transport.

I was a rural teenager and we spent a lot of time on our bikes, groping and shagging in fields and if really desperate would cycle to the nearest small town and drink cider in the park. Otherwise It was Church Barn Dances and Young Farmers.

It also depends on what you mean by 'rural' - if it's proper beautiful countryside, an area that tourists would visit, then you may have opportunities for outdoor activities. I have friends in the Lake District who ride, cycle, cave, camp etc. and love it. However, we are in a village an hour or so from London where the countryside is less exciting, and while it was good when the kids were little, by now, there really is nothing for them to do. The pool of friends is very small and you cannot get away from anyone you dislike or who may be hassling you - DS suffered particularly from this. There is virtually no public transport and while I'm happy to drive them places, I am all too aware that they are missing out on the opportunities I had as a Londoner to become independent. Just getting home from school, shopping, going to see friends, and then roaming further for whatever interests you. Also, if I didn't work from home, they would have no after-school activities as they all need a lift - I'm out four nights out of five. And then there is horror that is the school bus system to take into account ... I'm not really selling village life, am I??

PS. Can I live where you do, JasperDamerel?

Oh, that's spot on mumbehavingbadly very similar to my childhood, and now we live in a rural location what it will be like for my son. Saying that the underage drinking and snogging in fields was A LOT of fun.

If other children of same age and ideally from same school then ok. I grew up in the middle of nowhere, and commuted to private school miles away, so knew no other children anywhere near where I lived. It was very very lonely, and there was absolutely nothing to do, except reading.

I grew up in Caithness. Our town was in a national newspaper as "the teen mum Capitol of Britain". If you weren't outdoorsy/sporty things to do included, drinking, drugs, sex and driving too bloody fast through the county.

I left in my early 20's and moved back when my kids were around the early teens. Nothing had changed. Still too much drinking, drugs, sex and crap driving. Sure the kids are safe and have freedom but to do what? (See above...)

After a couple of years I left. We're in a city now. My eldest has developed a love of music and is able to find a place to practise, can get to concerts without having to travel a day south first and is much more self-confident.

The lack of work there would probably mean they'd have moved south shortly after leaving school anyway. And my kids have seen so much more than their elder cousins who never want to leave the area. My nephew lasted two weeks at uni in Edinburgh before calling his mum and dad to come and get him...

The lack of work there would probably mean they'd have moved south shortly after leaving school anyway.

That's a big, big point, Katedot! My 'city boy' DS1 moved to the city as soon as he could and is settled there. DS2 followed his brother to the city due to lack of work in our area, but was made redundant and has had to move back home which limits his possibilities for the time being. There usually isn't a lot of career-type work in rural areas so it's very likely that your children (and grandchildren) will end up living at a distance. Not a big thing at first, but as you get older you begin to see that having children nearby will be important! DH and I are planning on moving closer at some point, when we're ready to downsize.

I spent my teenage years living in a rural village after growing up in a small commuter town. I absolutely hated it.

I had no friends nearby, so until I could drive was forced to spend lots of money on buses to get to the nearest train station, and then trains. My parents had to spend a lot of time driving us around.

If I ever wanted to do anything like seeing friends, it required plenty of planning, hardly anything was spontaneous. When I turned 18 I could only go out if I had a place to stay afterwards (as couldn't afford a taxi home to the middle of nowhere) or I didn't drink and left early to drive home.

It was also a struggle leaving education and getting a job as many have already pointed out. There is little to offer where my parents live and travel would be very expensive to work in the nearest city. I have almost cried with jealousy at friends whose parents live in suburbs/cities and could easily live with/ move back in when starting out their careers.

That is just my own experience, which I'm sure would be different if I had spent my entire childhood in said village. Personally I think rural life offers very little for teenagers other than fresh air and rural activities like camping.