Is rural life shit for teenagers?

[inmyshoos]

We live rurally in the Highlands. Eldest dc is last year in primary school. Secondary here has great reputation but very small.

We used to live an hour from Glasgow but moved here for work and thought nice place to raise dc. I can now see that as they get older they might need more. Teens that i know here say they love it. There is a very active youth club etc but I wonder if moving back where we were would give them a better life as they grow. More opportunity?

I am never sure because I love this area for being clean/safe etc but I wonder if they will get bored. Eldest dc already complains of 'nothing to do' but that could be lack of pals around (tiny school of 30 pupils in huge geographical area so no one to call round for here)

Aibu to leave a nice area with good schools or do you think teens need a big city nearby and the facilities that come with that?

Interesting. Because at the time I was a teenager, I'd have said no, it was OK. Now I am 41 looking back, I wouldn't go so far as to say it was shit but I certainly missed out on an awful lot of what other teenagers did.

I only socialised with a couple of friends because everyone else I went to school with lived much further away and not accessible by public transport and my parents weren't able to drive me here, there and everywhere. I hardly ever did anything with my wider circle of mates until I had a car at 18. When I hear what they all did between 14 and 18, I missed out on a lot of "typical growing up stuff". And I was lonely.

I don't have kids, but if I did, I would be happy with them being rural in their earlier years, but I'd want to move to a decent sized town in time for secondary school for them.

As a teenager we moved from a city to a little village (actually I think it was a hamlet) in the middle of nowehere and it was pretty shit to be honest. Looking back now I realise what a gorgeous, peaceful place it was but at the time I didn't appreciate it at all. It was a three mile walk to the nearest bus stop and the buses only ran twice a day. I missed out on a lot of social stuff because my school friends all lived so far away and I did feel left out at times because of this. My parents were very good about giving me lifts on weekends but they both worked so I couldn't really see friends outside of school in the week. The holidays were the worst, I was so bored. Until I got an older boyfriend with a car

We don't live in the UK and we live in an extremely remote place. We own a working ranch though, so have the families of the ranch hands etc and their children around us.
DS is only a toddler, but there are plenty of children his age. For us the quality of life is much, much better than being in the UK, and selling up in the UK meant that we have enough money in the bank (and invested in other properties which we rent out) to buy DS a house of his own, mortgage free when he's older and to send him to any university in the world. We would never have been able to do that in the UK. I would have loved where we live when I was a teenages, as would DH. Hopefully DS will too, otherwise we'll have to reassess.

I think it's not city v rural but lack of mates to call for. My dd 9 has a similar childhood to me in terms of playing out. We live on a small estate next to a park so she can call for her friends/them her. She is an only but I had a brother who wasn't a play mate so siblings are not the answer. Are there any villages or hamlets where a few kids his age live?

I grew up in a small rural village, had an awesome outdoorsey childhood that I look back on with great fondness. That said from the ages of 14 onwards it was pretty tough in terms of boredom. The nearest town with any decent facilities was an hours bus ride away or I had to badger my folks for a lift. When my parents moved into London when I was 17 I was over the moon!

I spent my teenage years split between South-East London and somewhere which makes Inverness seem thumping! I hated both... I was a teenager ffs - miserable was the default!

As an adult I've chosen to raise my children in the back of beyond - they can go visit granny in Glasgow if they feel the urge.

Genuine question, all those who prefer rural life, what do you do all day? Sorry if this sounds condescending, I always think the country side LOOKS nice but I have no idea what you'd do once you've looked at it..

This is a very interesting thread for me right now! We are in the process of moving from our remote farmhouse into our nearest town, reasons being DS1 who's nearly 14.... And DS2 who starts secondary in the town in September are getting increasingly fed up of being isolated. I grew up in the suburbs of a big city, I had everything on my doorstep and I feel like I can't deny my kids civilisation now they are getting older iykwim. I love it here, and I'm sure when the kids have left DH and I will move to a little cottage but for now with 3 DCs I think our small market town with great train links to London is the best option.

lashes we own a ranch and have a toddler DS, so my day usually starts at 4:30, out for a walk with our three dogs, checking one of the inner fence lines. Back at 6am for when DH and DS are waking up. Family breakfast including meeting with housekeeper and deputy foreman (DH's assistant) to allocate what needs doing that day. DH off out on the ranch, DS and I have morning playtime, usually with housekeepers daughter too, so sometimes we go swimming, sometimes nature walk (DS in sling on my back) sometimes outdoor games/ going on play equipment and mixing learning into it. DS has nap at 11 ish, while he naps I do an English lesson with our housekeeper and her daughter, then do any of the paperwork that needs doing (I do the overall ranch management).
DS wakes up at 1pm ish and we have lunch with housekeeper and her daughter. After that we do more play learning, usually outdoors, and go on a walk, or go swimming, whichever we didn't do in the morning. We also sometimes call in on the wives and children of the ranch hands, and all the children have a group playtime. DS has another nap from 3-4pm, DH comes back and we catch up, I speak to any of the ranch hands/deal with anything which needs sorting out.
When DS wakes up have a quieter reading time, again with our housekeeper's daughter. We then give DS his dinner, and our housekeeper and her daughter eat too, then go to their granny annex. DH, DS and I have quiet play, read stories then get DS to bed at 7pm. After that DH and I eat, have glass of wine on the verandah, discuss and ranch business, then usually play cards and chat for several hours. In between all that I also train our new recue pup and train my horse.
Our housekeeper is with me almost all the time, she ran away from her violent husband and is afraid of being alone in case the bastard comes back for her and her daughter, hence why they live in the annex and not in their own house on the ranch instead. Also, I have cancer and she's an enormous help on my bad days.
Can you tell I like routine?

Young Farmers was a bit of a saving grace, yes. Lots of barns around for lots of loud parties.

I remember going to Leeds once shopping and nearly dying with excitement.

lashes Odd question. All the same things you do surely, but with fewer people? Obviously I don't go to the ballet daily, do you?

Go to work, do their jobs, do the school run, clean their houses, watch a bit of TV, walk the dog, meet friends for a drink, go to the cinema...

It's the country. In the UK. Not Mars, or even somewhere really isolated like Australia, or Russia or the States!

The two reasons I would never move to somewhere this isolated is this :

My Grandfather had a stroke at home one morning. My Grandmother called the ambulance. It hurriedly came, without delay, no issue with that whatsoever. It took 45 minutes to get to his house and another 45 minutes to get him to A&E because that's just how far away they are from a hospital. He lost valuable response time due to the geography. In the old family home in North London, there are 2 hospitals within 10 minutes drive.

I recently developed epilepsy and surrendered my driving license. That's fine where we live, the buses are every 5 minutes. But in a remote location like yours, my whole life/my family's lives would be changed.

What do they like doing? Meeting friends, playing sport, playing a musical intrument, horse riding etc etc? Might they want to get a part-time job? How much of that can they do where you live a) independently? b) with your help? How much ofg your time are you prepared to give facilitating their social lives? Would you be happy to help them learn to drive/provide a car at 17?

Personally I would have hated been totally dependent on my parents to facilitate my social life as a teen and craved independence. But your kids may be more solitary, or happy chatting on the internet or really into country pursuits so it may be right for them.

Stars that's really awesome :) A completely different way of life, but it sounds great. Hope you're recovering too, sorry to hear you're ill! :(

Swiss, I asked because it's not about the people, for me I like to wander round museums and parks, or decide "I want to go to the cinema in 10 minutes" without having to plan it, or just go out for a meal, or go to a bookshop and spend ages reading before I buy, that kind of thing. I can't see how I could do that in the country. So I was wondering what you guys do. Not so much small towns but little villages where there's only a shop and a pub.

Lashes thanks, I'm continually surprise by just how stereotypical my life on our ranch is! I even found myself wearing check shirts. Thank you, its not great, but could be a whole lot worse .

I grew up in town, a two minute walk from my school. I was the scholarship child at a private school and therefore one of the only children who walked into school. All my friends lived out in the countryside and were ferried in daily by their parents. Living in town doesn't guarantee you a social life.

Now we live in the countryside, down a track with just six houses. The next village (with a shop or any kind of facilities) is two miles away. But town is 20 minutes away tops. And I do virtually all my shopping online, so rarely need to venture that far.

My children are 11 and 9, so haven't entered the teenage years yet. But they are going to a brilliant secondary school where virtually all the pupils are bussed in from all the villages. Living in the sticks is the norm and giving your children lifts around is par for the course, it's what you sign up for living in a place like this. But so worth it when you look outside the window in the morning.

I grew up in central Lonfon. DH grew up in the rural Cotswolds, in a village of a few hundred, no shop, no bus service... We both had equally valuable childhoods and teen years, just different.

I grew up semi rurally. It was dull as a teen, and it's still dull now! I think unless you have a fair bit of money to afford the horse riding/ dogs as pets/ other activities as mentioned by PPs, there isn't really an awful lot to do. We used to get into quite a bit of trouble, as we resorted to drinking in a nearby field I promise I don't do that now As a child however, I loved it. Loads to explore, my friend and I used to go everywhere on our bikes.

Could you compromise and move to somewhere with good public transport? 26 miles to the nearest supermarket is quite extreme!

I think it depends on the child
I was brought up in rural nowhere. Our hamlet had a small shop, but the nearest supermarket and town was about 12 miles. The nearest station was about 15 miles.
I was very into horses and riding, so that kept me busy, but I was insanely bored and lonely most of the time. My actual friends lived miles away, so I hung out with people in the village, but we weren't friends. Just mutually convenient company for each other. Drinking, drugs and underage sex were very common.
My brother, on the other hand, was happy to fish and read and train the dog to do tricks, and had his circle of friends via the local rugby club.

I'm sure the internet etc means the geographical distance isn't as isolating (we had to wait until after 6pm to make any calls!) but my experience growing up means that we are staying put in London for the duration of my DC's childhoods

I grew up rurally, and tbh it was pretty hellish for me. Small schools meant I never had any real friends I had a proper connection with, instead I just sort of got stuck with people I didn't really have much to say to for over a decade. I never came across anyone who shared my interests, in fact I felt I had to hide a lot about myself because comparatively I was very weird. In a city or even a large town I wouldn't have been weird at all. It was terribly lonely. But even if I had made great friends, seeing them outside of school would have been an ordeal, so probably tough either way.

I'm not a particularly outdoorsy or sporty type, so a lot of the 'fun' to be had was my idea of a chore. I tried to get into it, but it's just not me. There was a ton of drinking, drugs and really dangerous behavior, an unusually large number of kids I knew or knew of died young in stupid accidents, or hurt themselves very badly in stupid accidents. Also a lot of suicide.

I'm a very independent person, so having to rely so much on my parents just to do basic things like, get out of the house, that really bothered me. I would have loved a part time job but the jobs weren't there, and again the logistics of getting to a job wouldn't have worked out anyway. I hated that going to see a movie or to a more interesting set of shops was a huge deal that required planning and parental help. Often by the time I'd gotten it all sorted it had been such an effort that a lot of the fun had been taken out of it anyway.

There was definitely a lack of opportunity. It took me longer than it would have otherwise to break into my chosen field, because 90% of the other people in it spent their late teenage years doing work experience and then internships and volunteering. They already had experience and connections, so we weren't on a level playing field at all. I only feel like I really caught up a few years ago.

I have teenage DC's now, and we live in the city. I'm almost jealous of all the things they get to experience. Any interest they have, they can pursue in some way or another. They sign up for classes outside of school, visit museums weekly, volunteer at various organizations. One of them just did an internship with their favourite writer, something that would have been unimaginable for me.They have lots of good friends they can go see with little effort. They're very independent, they have part-time jobs they love. Most of what they do is free or costs very little. On the rare occasion they blow all their cash and have nothing left, they still find tons to do. I think my eldest would have been ok in the country, but the others, definitely not.

Lashes just had another thought, I think as an adult, and to a lesser extent as a teen living rurally is about what you make of it. If you're the sort of person who is happy to make their own entertainment (walks/adventure trails outdoors) then you'll probably be happy living rurally, if you like to be entertained (museums, cinema, bars) then it might not be for you. I don't meant to sound condescending about either, its just what works for you.
I love walking around museums and as you do, just nipping to the cinema, but I also adore our extremely different life now, and I don't miss urban living at all. I try to throw myself into our lifestyle and not compare, just take it on its own merits. That being said, I have always been very independent and happier being alone (well, with DH and DS too of course) even as a child I was happier alone.

Stars yeah I think that's true. I'm not a very outdoorsy person at all, so walks and adventure trails, while fun for a day out, wouldn't be my idea of a good time all the time. I don't think either is better or worse necessarily, it depends on what you like to do.

DP lives in a small town that's quite countryish and while I like it when I stay with PIL, I'm always glad to get back to the hustle and bustle.

It depends on the teenager I suppose. Mine would have hated it, and so would I.
I don't drive, so living in the country would be out of the question anyway.

If you decide to live rurally with teenagers, you must be able/prepared to do a lot of driving. We all love where we live, but I wouldn't do it again, knowing what I know now. Apart from anything else, I spend at least £60 a week on petrol- often more..........