...to want to squirt selfish people with a water spray (like you do with naughty cats)

[AlpacaPicnic]

It might be the only way to stop the bad habits!

Squirtee 1 - the woman I worked with yesterday. Two of us in the building all day. I use a spoon to make my cuppa, rinse it under the tap then put it in the drainer. She drops hers in the sink for the fairies to wash up. I counted them this morning. She used 7 spoons yesterday and didn't wash up one!

Squirtee 2 and 3 - the couple who decided to go to the cinema with their children last night, only to bicker with each other through the entire film. We deliberately chose the 9pm showing of Minions so that there would be less chance of children making noise. Their children were pretty well behaved. Parents, not so much.

Anyone to add to the list? My trigger finger is itchy...

The woman who picked up the last handmade sourdough loaf in the posh bakery yesterday. Her young child sneezed over it, she said "eeuuw" and, yes, you have guessed it put it back on the display.

I told the staff and they whipped it off display and binned it immediately. But it was such a waste of such lovely bread...

SQUIRTY SQUIRT SQUIRT

Please squirt the people who don't say thank you when you hold the door open for them. Or worse, pass through without thanking, leaving you still holding it like their personal door person. Squirt away!

People who stand in the middle of the pavement chatting and totally ignore the polite excuse me's as you try to get past.
I bet a quick squirt would shift them...

1. People who stop dead in front of you for no particular reason .

1. People who kind of walk around oblivious to other shoppers in a shopping mall and are forever glued to their phone (had few near misses last week If I hadn't been looking human colluisions would have occurred)

1. . Anyone who rides a hairdryer/scooter fast and revs it up whilst doing so.

There are more but those 3 for starters. . SQUIRT, SQUIRT, SQUIRT

Add one of our consultants to the list of squirtees.

Too 'busy' to wash up
Not saying thank you for door holding
And just generally being so far up her arse she's a mobieus loop of annoyance.

Popular type then MothertotheLordsofmisrule ;) ?

lol , Like your Username .. Are they sons per chance ?

Tail gaters need to be constantly squirted and so do people who talk on their mobile while driving.
In fact they should just be shot with a laser Ray gun and be done with it. Before they kill someone.

Yep two sons.

She's just so aaarrrrggghhhh!
Walks around in her little bubble of 'me'

The silly woman who thought she was Kate Moss strutting along staring at her phone instead of where she was looking then had the cheek to tut at me when her oversized beach bag knocked me. I gave her a little barge because I'm too pregnant and fat to rush out the way right now! I'm going to stay home today for my own sanity

People who spit

a) on the pavement

b) on the pavement near my feet which are in flip flops

SQUIRT SQUIRT SQUIRT

Our neighbours!!

They put their almost two year old son to bed way too late and he's always cross and tired and screaming really loud bu the time they do try and get him washed and ready for bed! Plus they are amazingly loud, inconsiderate poo poo heads!

Ooh, this is cathartic! I predict a big rise in the sales of spray bottles...

LazyLouLou - i can't believe she put back the sneeze bread! ok, she might not have wanted to buy it but at least tell a staff member!

YY to pavement hoggers. And people who get off the train then have their family reunion on the platform, you know that platform where everyone else from the train is trying to walk on?

People who walk on the pavement with a huge dog and then expect me to hold my 3yo's hand and push a pram onto the road while they walk past and I struggle with the kirbs/kerbs.

the fucking annoying people who decided to stop for a chat near my window at 3.30am, and then the lot that did the same at 5.30am!!!

its hard enough to sleep in this weather, let alone idiots shouting at each other loud enough to wake you up!

fucking wankers - the other night it was "hey guys, all get in the phone box, come back, come on lets do it!!!"

fed up to the far side of fed up with this shit - fair enough when you call out the window to quieten them, they do (for a bit) but thats too late as you have already been woken enough to do it!

People who try and get onto buses and trains without waiting for passengers to get off first. And those who do wait, but are so paranoid about somebody else getting on before them that they stand right in front of the doors instead of standing to the side.

SQUIRT!

People who don't bother to train their dog to walk to heel. Those stupid extendable leads are fine if you are in a park etc and have a dog that you are not able to let off the lead. But why use them in the middle of town and let your dog wander everywhere?

Drivers who wait for a parking space on the first floor of the multi storey carpark causing horrendous tail backs when there are 5 more floors all with bags of space to be driven straight into. Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt

The bloke walking two Labs yesterday who let the biggest one pin down my collie who has just been spayed (she was on a lead as she is only 4 days post op). I had to call my son to come and collect her as something obviously hurt her as she kept laying down and trying to bite her back leg. If you can't control your dog keep it on the bloody lead.

Spray bottles?

Surely most of these crimes require at least a Super Soaker?

The people who decided that last night that 1.30am would be a perfect time to MOVE HOUSE. Van up the back lane that all our houses in the terraced residential street back on to. 3/4 people lugging boxes,swearing,joking and laughing,dropping what sounded like crockery.Finished around 3.30. Grrrr. Can we have a water cannon instead of a spray bottle for extreme cases?

People who spend ages doing God knows what at the cashpoint and then when they've finally finished look amazed that there's a queue behind them.
People who block the entrance to the aisle in the supermarket.
Women who spend hours in public toilets knowing that there's other women waiting to use them. Ffs do what you need to do and get out .
Squirt away.

The woman i work with who hits 'reply all' in emails sent to all staff to say something like "yes, i think this is an excellent idea"
She has been told repeatedly to stop it. She just can't.

The other woman i work with who forwards an email conversation shes had with someone else, for me to pick out the piece of information i need. No instruction, just a 24 fucking email thread with 1 sentence that applies to me.

People who abuse emails should be hit with pressure washers, not squirty things.

Pavement cyclists, especially the teenager who forced me to jump sideways into a hedge yesterday. He was cycling down the pavement beside a road which had a fecking cycle lane marked out about three feet to his left.

He was topless too so I'm adding ice cubes to my squirt bottle for extra chilly effect.

People/taxis who pull up outside a house and then beep the horn every 30 seconds until the expected person appears.

People who clearly TELL their friends to beep when they arrive and then keep them waiting for 10 minutes meaning that they do this. ^^