...to want to squirt selfish people with a water spray (like you do with naughty cats)

[AlpacaPicnic]

It might be the only way to stop the bad habits!

Squirtee 1 - the woman I worked with yesterday. Two of us in the building all day. I use a spoon to make my cuppa, rinse it under the tap then put it in the drainer. She drops hers in the sink for the fairies to wash up. I counted them this morning. She used 7 spoons yesterday and didn't wash up one!

Squirtee 2 and 3 - the couple who decided to go to the cinema with their children last night, only to bicker with each other through the entire film. We deliberately chose the 9pm showing of Minions so that there would be less chance of children making noise. Their children were pretty well behaved. Parents, not so much.

Anyone to add to the list? My trigger finger is itchy...

Our new next door neighbour who parks so close to my car that I can't open the door to get my daughter in her car seat, he never says hello, totally ignores us like he's too cool for Christmas (he's not, he's just a cunt) and this morning his latest trailer trash conquest was smoking in the middle of the pavement, didn't move when she saw me coming, carrying baby, so we had to walk in the road.

Squirt squirt squirt - and I'm adding some disinfectant because I bet they've both got galloping knob rot.

People who drink/drug drive.

People who use no/wrong car seats for their small children.

Actually, for these nob jockeys, a Taser would be more appropriate!

People who say 'oh it's too hot'

Fuck off it's shite all year just enjoy it. It won't last.

Twats who can't understand mini islands have the sand rules as big islands. Give way to the right! Don't just stop and stare.

Oh I have another ..

Comes out of a local store ,, steps straight on sodding Chewing Gum left on the floor . .. with a bin beside it ! SQUIRT in the eye for THAT one.

People who let their builders start work at 7am on a Saturday and then complain about the noise from neighbours who are enjoying a BBQ in their garden.

People who stand/sit in the buggy space on the bus and just stare blankly at you when you get on with a buggy.

Staff who chat to each other while they are serving and completely ignore you. Also customers who talk on their mobile phone while being served and don't hand over the cash/put their pin in because they aren't paying attention.

Oh AndThisIsTrue ,, I bloody hate that too ... staff bloody talking together and ignoring you Walked out a shop over that once Cannot serve Me Fine , Took my custom elsewhere.

Can I squirt the woman in front of me in the petrol station ,blocking the pump, this morning, please? She filled up, paid, then sat there checking her messages, had a little chat with her passenger, did her lipstick, fluffed her hair in the rearview mirror, had a few sips of her coffee, and THEN decides to move off. The petrol station forecourt isn't wide enough to drive around other cars. Just entitled, selfish behaviour.
SQUIRT SQUIRT SQUIRT!!!!

thread like these!!! squirt squirt

(i'm sitting here FUMING at all of these bastard people!!)

People who throw their rubbish on the floor. There's been some new seating built by the church on our High Street; it's a lovely place to sit and eat a snack apparently, but not lovely enough to walk over to put your rubbish in the bin nearby.

Made me fucking furious this morning when I walked past all the rubbish piled up.

If there are any litter bugs reading this thread today, please, please, please try to explain why you do it? I am mystified and would love to be able to thoroughly soak these selfish, lazy bastards with raw sewage .

*off

with raw sewage

Hahahaha Remind me not to piss you off!

The neighbours who let their dog attack mine and blamed me.

Can we give a virtual squirt on here to posters who cba to read posts properly and get all narky about the wrong end of whatever imaginary stick they've grabbed?
Or it might be better to just laugh at the stupidity instead.
Virtual squirts for ill mannered spelling and grammar pedants though that's all of them then

The ver posh ladies at the front of the queue for the National Trust tea room I was in a few months ago.
I got the dcs occupying a table as I can't manage a buggy and a tray and the queue looked quite short. A group of four older ladies followed by a middle aged couple.
Each of the ladies asked in turn what the lunch special was.
Each asked if it came with a drink or not.
One changed her mind and went for soup.
Oo, say the rest, what's in the soup? Each ask one at a time. Cue much dithering.
My four year old is getting bored, my one year old is making 'where are you mummy?' noises.
What drinks do they want?
Cue lots more dithering. What sort of tea do they have? Do they want milk? What sort of milk can they have?
One of them changes their mind about their food again.
My youngest is starting to cry and I'm still stuck in the queue.
I give up being polite and start making audible comments about needing to get food for my children and why can't people make up their minds?
I can see the chap in front of me is clenching his jaw quite tight.
The older ladies start moving away and then one comes back to query her bill.
Aaagh!
Finally, its the couple in front of me.
'Two soups and two lattés'. Short and sweet.
I could have hugged him.
It took me a while to calm my youngest down and the older ladies kept shooting me sour looks. Well, if you'd made your bloody minds up he wouldn't have started crying!
Squirt, squirt, squirt!
And then one of them started talking about the time she had a d&v bug on holiday. Way way tmi.
SQUIRT! SQUIRT! SQUIRT!

People who use the pay-at-pump petrol pump AND THEN GO INTO THE FRICKING SHOP to buy icecreams or whatever. If you're going into the shop anyway, just use one of the (six) normal pumps not one of the (two) pay-at-pump only ones, FFS, and let me get fuelled up and pay and get on my way without having to (a) walk/hobble more than a couple of steps and (b) deal with people.

SQUIRTY SQUIRT SQUIRT

People who are getting their purchases through the check-out in the supermarket then remember something - so instead of paying for what they have and going back they keep the whole queue waiting while they gp and look for it. SQUIRT

Fast checkout workers, well done to them as i stare at a mound of shopping and they are asking for the club card. I am on my own, i am not that fast...
Squirt
As above, queues for food. I get these people too, hmm, what shall i have? How can i hold up the queue for another 10 minutes faffing about. ? How can i wind up 80s even more! Wet wet wet them with the big guns.
Please

People who toss their rubbish out of the window of their car, yuck! Maybe a good squirt will clean them up.

My ndn who allows her little darling to use proper cricket balls in the back garden, after £2,500 of damage so far this summer I'm beyond annoyed and ready to report the next lot of damage to the police.

The80s oh god yes! Then you feel annoying stood there trying to neatly but quickly pack it all

I would like to squirt the stupid bitch who, on seeing me pushing my mum in a wheelchair into a shop, tried to push past at the tightest point, only to knock a whole display over, thus blocking the wheelchair from going forwards.

And then complained about the hold up in clearing the display up enough to allow the wheelchair some room to move because she wanted to have a look at what was next to them. If she'd waited for us to move on forwards, she'd have had all the room she wanted, and we were in front in any case.

I admit I got a little cross. It was short, sweet, cutting and so very polite. She did at least have the grace to blush, even if she didn't even apologise.

SQUIRT

Yes. Hot train last week which only goes every 30 mins so is packed. I mean packed. No seats so i was sitting on the floor by toilet between carriages with another 7 people. One lady by the window talking (shouting) on phone. I was reading book so had head down so missed most of the exchange. Guy who i suspect has learning problems asks her politily if he could look out of the tiny window as felt ill. Think he been trying to look out of window for sometime. She told him she was standing there and wasnt going to move. She said this in a very rude way and looked down on him. I see him waiting for train every morning same as me. Furious by the time i got off to floor (i wasnt that close) he moved to next carriage. I gave her a londonrach bad look. Husband laughes at my looks i give to naught drivers and cyclists on pavements. Cross with myself i didnt say anything. If i had more confidence and not a people pleasure and not been stick with my head in a book... (Hindsight)

Squirt

Fecking right, I wanted to take a hose to my neighbours last night. They were having a party and the issue wasn't music but their hideous, loud, smug, braying voices. I was trying desperately to get some sleep after a really busy week at work. They and their pals would repeatedly come out for a smoke right in front of my (closed) window and guffaw and bray for bloody ages. I'm assuming they didn't smoke in front of their own window in case they stank up their house.

Perhaps the most annoying thing is that the pricks aren't even smokers, they just do it when they're drinking. When I smoked, I did it properly, ie all fucking day. How old are they, 12? Fucking Waitrose Weekend Warriors.

So yes, spraying them would have been delicious.

People who are impatient twats and mutter at you in shops if you don't walk through doors quickly enough. Had two of them in 10 minutes last week when I was slower moving than usual due to concussion .