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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About my neighbour

139 replies

slightlyconfused85 · 03/07/2015 06:57

My neighbour is a very kind lady, age 60 plus who lives alone next door to us. She loves our 2.8 yo dd, buys her little gifts for her bday etc and loves to come over for a cup of tea and chat with her. She also is very kind to babysit for us now and again if we want to go out.
Her nephew is visiting her from abroad in a few weeks he is in his early 40s. She has said a few times that he loves photography and he will love to take photos of dd. She often says to dd 'are you going to do photographs with my nephew?' I didn't say anything for a while but we are not keen on this - I don't feel it's appropriate for a stranger to take and have photos of my dd - I don't know what he will be doing with them. Last time she said it i very gently said 'Dh and I prefer only for us and family to take photos of dd so we would prefer if your nephew didn't although he's of course welcome to visit with you and we'd love to meet him'. She's now upset, hasn't spoken to us and when Dh saw her she told him that she's upset i insinuated her nephew is a paedophile. Have I been unreasonable?

OP posts:
IamTheWhoreofBabylon · 03/07/2015 06:58

YABU

Original poster
slightlyconfused85 · 03/07/2015 06:59

Why? To not let her nephew take photos of my dd?

OP posts:
Original poster
slightlyconfused85 · 03/07/2015 07:00

I didn't call her nephew a paedophile at all btw, I don't like the idea of any stranger from anywhere taking and storing photos of my dd

OP posts:
msgrinch · 03/07/2015 07:02

yabu

Original poster
slightlyconfused85 · 03/07/2015 07:03

Happy to accept that I am but would love to know why if you think so.

OP posts:
fuctifino · 03/07/2015 07:06

Yabu.
Not all men are potential rapists or paedophiles.

InNeedOfANap · 03/07/2015 07:07

YANBU I wouldn't like a stranger taking pictures and storing them and me not having them it just wouldn't make me feel completely comfortable

pudcat · 03/07/2015 07:08

But surely you will be there when he will be taking the photos. You will be able to have the photos. What do you think he going to do with them? Superimpose her face onto porno pix? If he is a good photographer you will have some wonderful photos to treasure at no cost. This seems to me far safer than all those pix of babies etc on face book.

pudcat · 03/07/2015 07:11

Inneed professional photographers are strangers and store their photographs. The world has gone mad

ohjessie · 03/07/2015 07:11

Yanbu at all.
Of course not all men are rapists or paedophiles, but some are.
Anyway regardless of that, you don't have to feel obliged to let anyone take photos of your child. As you said, you don't know what they will be used for or who else might see them.
Chances are the nephew might not want to do this anyway.

Original poster
slightlyconfused85 · 03/07/2015 07:13

A lot of you are saying that I think he is a paedophile. I did not say this and I don't think it- I just don't like the idea of any stranger of any gender having photos of dd. It's the same reason I don't like lots of photos of her on fb - anyone can access them whoever the poster is. He may put photos on the internet somewhere and I wouldn't be able to do anything about it. Like I say I didn't say or suggest he is a paedophile or a rapist so don't put words in my mouth.

OP posts:
Tulipblank · 03/07/2015 07:17

Totally ott. Yabu. Your daughter could have walked down the street yesterday and anyone could have taken her photograph.

What is wrong with someone having a picture of your child?

xvxvxvxvxvxvxvxv · 03/07/2015 07:19

Yanbu. I wouldn't like my neighbours nephew I've never met to come round and take some photos of me why would anyone even ask that of an adult let alone a child.

MakeItRain · 03/07/2015 07:20

There's nothing wrong at all in being wary of your child's photo ending up on social media. It's a really common feeling. Her reaction was extreme and peculiar. She has jumped to strange conclusions about you. Personally I would be the one offended about what she is implying about you here!

flanjabelle · 03/07/2015 07:21

Yanbu I would feel the same. Why does he need to take pictures of your dd? I can't see any good reason. Any sane person asks the parents if its ok, plenty of people aren't keen on this sort of thing.

Op this is aibu though so you will never win.

WeirdCatLady · 03/07/2015 07:25

OP, what are you planning to do when your dd starts school and they do their annual photographs?

I think you've completely overreacted and damaged what was a lovely friendship.

Original poster
slightlyconfused85 · 03/07/2015 07:25

Ha thanks flajabelle and others. I don't expect to win on here I'm just surprised so many people would be happy with this. If those who think iabu let me know where they live I'll send him round to your houses to take photos of your kids instead, as it's no biggie to have a stranger do this WinkWink

OP posts:
Original poster
slightlyconfused85 · 03/07/2015 07:27

I didn't over react or make it personal. I just said that we would prefer friends and family only to be taking photos of our family

OP posts:
diddl · 03/07/2015 07:28

I also think that YANBU.

Of course it could all be coming from her & her might have no interest at all in taking pics of his Aunt's neighbour's daughter!

If she wanted him to take one of her & your daughter then that's a different matter.

I think it is that she has turned it into such a big deal that it would make me say no.

Original poster
slightlyconfused85 · 03/07/2015 07:34

Catlady I'm not sure that it's like school photos is it? They come in, take a photo of every child and the class then send the proofs to parents to pay for. The photos are not then published elsewhere. Not the same

OP posts:
IcecreamHavoc · 03/07/2015 07:36

I think YANBU but I have justifiable reasons for not wanting my child photographed by anyone but DH, close family or myself.

Maybe if you could articulate to her why you don't want your child photographed by a stranger she will be less upset. To complain to your husband and not you is a bit wet FWOABW.

abearcalledpaddington · 03/07/2015 07:37

yanbu

flora717 · 03/07/2015 07:37

Is it possible SHE would like a nice picture of your DD as she clearly adores her?

Emiliasmumtobe · 03/07/2015 07:40

Yanbu and shouldn't give in to your neighbours passive aggressive tears.

diddl · 03/07/2015 07:41

I also wondered that, Flora

In which case it appears to have not been talked about clearly.

There's a difference between nephew would take some good portraits of you want & he likes photography & will therefore want to take pics of a child he has never met!