Whether the BBQ thread was jokey or not, the OP still has a point.
My mum is typical martyr . When we lived at home, no one was allowed to cook meals, touch the washing machine etc. then she would complain that she was always busy.
She still complains that dad doesn't cook, but when he tries to she stands over him and tells him he is doing it all wrong. Dh (a chef) gave dad cooking lessons when dad retired. She still insisted he was cooking wrong, interfered and ruin several meals. Than blames dad, so dad refuses to cook.
In fact she has been complaining this week that she is exhausted from planning dads 65th birthday last week. She was unimpressed when I pointed out that she bought his gift weeks ago and it was me that sorted the restaurant, the cake, the seating etc. even when she doesn't do much she still insists she has. I organised dads birthday to take pressure off her, but she still sees it as her doing it.
She thinks that I shouldn't let dh have so much involvement with the house and choldcare in case we split and he might (shock horror) get the children 50% of the time.
I don't know why it's not rubbed off on me, maybe because I saw how miserable she made herself and everyone around her. The thing that bothers me more is that she actually makes stuff up to sound busier. I was trying to call her on her mobile yesterday and she didn't answer. I was passing so popped in, dad was ironing and she was having a nap. I stayed for a coffee then went to get the kids. When she called me later she claimed she hadn't stopped and reeled off a load of housework including the ironing. I pointed out that I had been round and she was in bed and dad ironed. This led to a huge rant about how she is allowed a nap. I agree she is, but it's the pretending that she isn't or that she never gets to relax that winds me up.
It's not a great environment for kids to grow up in. It's causes dbro a few issues. He is older, married and has kids but is dependant on mum and dad to do a lot for them. Dbro hasnt even decorated a room in his own house, mum does it for them. Dad refuses and thinks he needs to learn. He didn't even cool his own meals until he was 32 even though he had moved out. He uses to go to mums for dinner and she would have his lunch for the next day ready.
It's not great for girls either. Seeing this a role model. I bought my first house at 19 because I needed to get out.
I'm some marriages with a martyr, it's completely the martyrs fault. In some it's the martyr and the spouse who is happy with the status quo.