To be really angry with each and everyone of you who has ever moaned about being 'fat'

[Lookatwhatyouvedone]

I have daughters. I've worked for years at nurturing their self esteem, reassuring them. Loving them.

Still makes feck all difference to the voices in their heads that tell them that thin and flat, or better still non-existent, is beautiful and having curves is ugly. They are a normal weight. They exercise. They eat sensibly. They aren't happy with their shape. And I think it's all your fault. All of you. Every single one of you who's ever obsessed about your thighs or your tummy or your boobs. Ever single one of you who's bought in to the lie that we can never quite be good enough, could always lose a few pounds, tone a few inches.
Look at what you've done and you still keep doing it. Fat is the demon, thin is the goddess and not a thought for the destruction done. How many threads on here asking how you can reduce yourselves. Not because you actually want to but because you think you should. But it doesn't just harm you does it? It harms all of us and our daughters and our daughters not even born. We talk about the pressure society puts on women but that's bollocks. We are society and we do it to ourselves. You don't talk about being healthy, you talk about being thin.

I am so angry, SO ANGRY, that what I say can't outweigh the damage you've all done. Tomorrow I'm sure I'll be sensible and reasonable and calm and not like this but tonight I'm bloody angry.

Fat is the demon, thin is the goddess and not a thought for the destruction done.

Fat can be the demon because being too much fat is unhealthy and it can kill us. Thin is not the goddess, you don't see much of that on mn. Maybe in fashion magazines or other forums, but not much here. Being too thin is also unheathy.

How many threads on here asking how you can reduce yourselves. Not because you actually want to but because you think you should.

Not many actually. Most people who want to reduce size/weight want to do it for their health and happiness, not to just be thin. You have to acknowledge that fat exists and obesity is a problem. Lots of people are tryiing to do something about that. You really can't knock it OP. What would you prefer, that we all just keep getting fatter?

Or maybe she is angry but misdirected her anger?

I feel fucking angry about things like that video every day. And about the complete body image trauma many of the girls (and boys, actually) in my care go through every single day^.

Yes, the OP sounded goady and angry, but are we not able to respond a bit less goadily ourselves?

I think you'd have to back a long way to find the root cause on a psychological level as people throughout history have changed their body shape for fashion - eg corsets (to a 14inch waist) with massive bustles to exaggerate hips etc, and all over the world tribes paint their bodies and have piercings, insert discs etc etc so their is an innate drive within us to exhibit parts of our bodies and enhance our appearance. Across species their is an innate show or plumage/special dances , shows of strength etc usually to attract a mate so a great deal of that drive in humans to show the right physique or display one's attributes (eg wealth/ability to obtain food/social status/physical strength or fitness) may come from this same drive. It is about being human.

but in the current fashion of slimness surely people celebrating the slim ideal is more to blame - for that blame fashion designers of the 1920's - most noticeably Chanel when the androgynous v slim figure became v fashionable.

Well then you should have explained yourself better, because certain of the things on your list are choices made by consenting adults and have no place being lumped in with the others.

If you can't see the irony in criticising other women because you think they're conforming to men's standards, when in fact all they're doing is not conforming to your standards- then it's you whose missing the point.

*who's

I really dislike that attitude Saucy

women have choices ...but if they freely choose differently than me I reserve the right to lecture them and judge their choices - and view them as oppressed

grrrrr

Eating disorders are becoming in some ways mainstream (all the juice, raw food, special diet etc peddling nutritionists, bloggers...), there was an article in the Guardian supplement on Sat. It is the affliction of the age together with obesity. Few of us have a natural, positive, non-obsessive relationship with food. I envy those people, as to me, as soon as you start counting calories/carbs/whatever, you can never unlearn that information completely.

There was a piece on Woman's Hour this morning about anorexia, and support (or lack of it) Was v sobering.

OP did you want to talk about stuff? Has something tipped you over the edge?

Calmit, sending best wishes to DD

Donkey I love your username.

ToysRluv agree with you about the crappy (and usually plain wrong) "nutrition" articles in the media being written by and aimed at those with eating disorders. Teenage girls lap up this stuff, and they are not taught enough science at school to distinguish fad diet quackery from biochemical reality.

Saucy is right, as is the poster who recommended Fat is a Feminist Issue. A lot of women's weight issues stem from the way they feel inside rather than simplistic external pressure. Get the head right and the bod will follow.

OP was a tad histrionic which isn't really a good look for anyone, but does women no favours at all.

Why thank you Wide. Our lovely Sparklingbrook had a hand in it. Chortle.

Fat is a feminist issue? bullocks. Fat is an issue fullstop. People are dying from being over weight, people are dying from trying to reach unhealthy levels of thin.

What is wrong is the food industry, it's manipulations, sponsored research and general profiteering from encouraging and manipulating people into making bad decisions.

There are kids walking around with nutritional deficiencies who are known as the muesli kids in some countries, there are kids who are so obese they are going to have long term consequences too. We can pass blame all we want but it isn't going to fix anything.

Sorry slow typer

Susie Orbach's Fat Is A Feminist Issue is a brilliant book, Dark, which covers the things in your middle paragraph with great power and subtlety.

It was the single biggest influence in overcoming my anorexia.

OP YABU

I've felt "fat" at times, so have just gone to the gym/gone a run more often.

Never really dieted, just try to eat a balanced diet.
However, my version of "fat" is bordering on a size 12.
But for me, that is too much.
So I sort myself by doing more exercise. I don't stress too much about it or diet.

I think the wording of your post is unfortunate. You'd receive more constructive advice/comments if you'd taken a slightly different approach.

I read it and agree with the ideas, but still find it hard to "rationalise" myself out of EDs. I guess that is why the CBT failed miserably..

Why on earth is the OP angry at people who have been sucked in like her daughters by what the media portrays as the "perfect body".
OP why do you think these ladies come on her asking for help to lose a bit of weight etc. Exactly the same reason as your daughters.
It's a bit like me saying I'm angry at your daughters because my teenage niece sticks her fingers down her throat because she wants to be thin.
Your anger is misdirected. And you were very rude. You know nothing about me or any other woman on this site so to come on and say you are angry at every single one of us who have ever obsessed about various body parts is frankly rude and slightly aggressive.
I am sorry if your daughters have eating disorders though. I know what it is like to listen every time someone goes into the bathroom just to check they're not throwing up. I also know what it's like to be the one being checked up on too.

FIFI is out of date, but the central premise remains the same and OP is talking about her daughters, not sons. Whatever else, it isn't "bullocks" so wind your neck in please.

That was to DarkEvil.

I don't think people can just "choose" to have no body image issues/insecurity over their weight can they?

YABVVVVVU
And you have no right to lay blame for your problems on people you know nothing about.

I have spinal deformities, protruding discs and sciatica and if I don't lose weight here is what will happen:
My health will deteriorate and the issues I currently have will get worse to the point I may end up unable to walk, work or look after myself.
I could spend the rest of my life dependant on prescription painkillers.
I could spend the rest of my life dependant on the NHS and the taxpayer
But here's the problem, it hurts when I move so exercise is tricky.

AIBU to post on Mumsnet about wanting to lose weight and get fit? To ask for support from others and give support to others who also want to lose weight?
You should have had the courage to post under your own username and given others the chance to ignore all future posts from you on the basis that you are clearly entirely void of reason.

You're not the only one in the world with problems.

I'ma parent two 4 young adults..two girls. A family for whom weight was never been a topic of discussion.. slim parents who do sport for fun and no one has ever dieted.

One of my daughters has battled anorexia ( 5 stone 9 at 5 ft 10..) and the other went through periods of very disordered eating and is now a gym fanatic with severe body issues.

But both would tell you it's not been from the media.. not from glossy magazines or friends on diets. Both are very high achievers who put terrible pressure on themselves (both about to graduate to medical careers) and when the stress gets too much they resort to controlling the one thing they alone can do.. their bodies. My sons are not such high achievers and have never pushed themselves in that way..are more laid back people in general.
Their issues have all stemmed from internal pressure, not external..not us, not the media.

Your anger is misplaced. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be healthy. And obesity is a terrible life shortening problem.

Look my point is that the OP is piss off with society and the pressure it puts on people. it has directly affected her and her girls but it also has killed a good guy friend of mine. It is a whole society issue and not just one that affects women, although this is more of a recent thing. TO pin point it to one corner of society just moves the problem.

If FIFI has good information then so be it, I don't care the source of information if it is reasoned and has balanced views. Coming onto a site with an opening OP attacking the membership of the site if out of line, BUT to tell me to wind my neck in because I dare to suggest that it is a bigger problem than just one section of society is also out of line. This is a big problem for ALL of society and not just the female members of it.

why do you allow your children on mumsnet?

your looking in the wrong direction your anger is misdirected

we are not the media

we are not your family

we are not your children's friends

we have no control over your children and their issues