To be really angry with each and everyone of you who has ever moaned about being 'fat'

[Lookatwhatyouvedone]

I have daughters. I've worked for years at nurturing their self esteem, reassuring them. Loving them.

Still makes feck all difference to the voices in their heads that tell them that thin and flat, or better still non-existent, is beautiful and having curves is ugly. They are a normal weight. They exercise. They eat sensibly. They aren't happy with their shape. And I think it's all your fault. All of you. Every single one of you who's ever obsessed about your thighs or your tummy or your boobs. Ever single one of you who's bought in to the lie that we can never quite be good enough, could always lose a few pounds, tone a few inches.
Look at what you've done and you still keep doing it. Fat is the demon, thin is the goddess and not a thought for the destruction done. How many threads on here asking how you can reduce yourselves. Not because you actually want to but because you think you should. But it doesn't just harm you does it? It harms all of us and our daughters and our daughters not even born. We talk about the pressure society puts on women but that's bollocks. We are society and we do it to ourselves. You don't talk about being healthy, you talk about being thin.

I am so angry, SO ANGRY, that what I say can't outweigh the damage you've all done. Tomorrow I'm sure I'll be sensible and reasonable and calm and not like this but tonight I'm bloody angry.

Can't seem to report anything using the mobile app. Is very annoying (generally, not just tonight). Unless I'm looking in the wrong place.

I am guessing that OP and her two daughters are on the chubby side. But Mumsnet is not to blame for that. Too many cakes might be.

OP i think that although you could have worded it better i totally get where you are coming from.

Ive lost ten stone and i still get unwanted advice on how i could do better or be better.

Don't know amothersplaceisinthewrong - some of the worst people IME can be people who are near perfect weight and look good to everyone else - but spend a huge amount of time maintaining and money maintaining it all.

They put themselves under huge pressure and are then unhappy - rather than eating the bun and shrugging and making peace with extra stone or saving fuck it I won't spend the time of shaving or plucking eye brows.

My first ever just for you OP!

watches on wanly....it is bikini season after all

It seems odd for a long time poster to name change in order to post an OP dripping with hostility and anger towards MN/womankind/society at large, then only return once with a mildly PA rejoiner before disappearing.

Makes you wonder what other user name she may be posting under on this thread.

This is just so offensive.
Your kids have nothing to do with me , and yes I know 'you' is society in general but I'm a member of that society and it is still nothing to do with me.
Go and look after your kids and be grateful you get to raise them somewhere where there is no famine or war.

OP your post is so aggressive and accusational that I don't think you can be surprised with the responses you have gotten. You've offended a lot of people; I'm not sure how you expected posters to react or what you expected to achieve from posting.

What a ridiculous OP.

At what point do you transition from being a victim of fat shaming / unrealistic media images / perfectionism to being a deliberate perpetrator? Fuck that.

Your kids are your lookout. I'm sure most of the rest of us who grew up with hang-ups are just trying to get through them or ensure we don't pass them on to young people in our own families.

Oh fuck off. Talk about first world problems. Stop whinging. Boo fucking hoo your daughters feel a bit fat. Maybe they are. Maybe not. But all teenagers, all people, not just women, question their body image. Normal. and part of life.

There are worse things in the world.

Yes there are worse things in the world. Not one person inclusive of op herself has claimed other wise.
We know the world is in turmoil. We know there are people worse off than ourselves. However that does not meAn we are not allowed to have our down days, about whSt is deemed trivial.
There is absolutely no need or excuse to give the op a verbal beating. Not just you but other posters. There are more mature and civil ways to get your (collectively) point across.
However I do agree with those who say op would hAve got a more sympathetic response had she worded her initial post differently.

Being thin isn't all it's cracked up to be either. Many battle with weight problems and few are completely happy with themselves especially when young. I personally have always wanted to be bigger. I believe that encouraging them to be happy with themselves is far more important than what size they are

In Europe, 300-200 years ago, women and men powdered their face with lead-based make-up to look whiter. That was a fantastic idea, obviously. They would drink vinegar and load of other shit to slim up. Another great idea.
200-100 years ago, women deformed themselves with corsets to have hourglass figure (to the extreme)
From the 11th century to the beginning of the 20th, many women in China were tortured into being incapable of running of walking fast by foot binding.

Now,
In some tribes in Africa, women have had plates of clay inserted into their lips to look fetching. They have to knock out some teeth to make them fit.
In Mauritania, girls are fattened up like geese to be married off. The health impact is dire.
In Asia, the long-necked women are just now giving up their handicapping copper prison around their neck. They look striking indeed, but have limited movement, for life.

So many ways of torturing oneself to look good. It's not only the wicked West that does it. And if considering that being slim rather than fat is the worse that could be taught, I think we can unclench a little bit. Fat shaming is cruel and counter-productive, but we have come a long way and could stand with less sob-stories.

I want to add also, my mother filled my head with lots of nonsense body hating shit when I was a child that led to me having disordered eating as a teen.

It was my friends and peers, fat and thin, dieting and not dieting, body confident and self concious, who all helped me to see the light and change my attitude of myself to self acceptance. They did not cause my problems, their openness of their own issues or confidence helped me to work through mine.

lostoldlogin It's not a first world problem. Not when it's a reality that women die in clinics and at home from starvation while scrutinizing their bodies for any trace of fat.

I had a friend on another forum who died from anorexia complications. Her organs shut down. She couldn't see how thin she was. Five days before her death she was posting in the recipes thread. She had a compulsion to bake cakes, but would never eat any of them. She knew she was in danger but she couldn't eat.

Eating disorders are horrendous, and it's disgusting that women live in this society were we are constantly bombarded with messages that we should get smaller and take up less space.

Me, I am fat! And ironically I'm way more comfortable with my body now than when I was a teenager. I look at old photos and see a stunning slim figure, but at the time I was wracked with insecurity and thought I was an obese monster! And part of that was the intense scrutiny my body was under as soon as I started developing, mostly from male classmates and male strangers shouting from cars and commenting as they walked past me. You're reduced to just a figure, and if it's not perfect to everyone, they'll let you know.

I saw this article an hour ago www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-3143627/Rosie-Huntington-Whiteley-one-sexiest-supermodels-social-media.html the photos are also here www.wmagazine.com/fashion/2015/06/sexy-social-media-supermodels/photos/ Sexy supermodels. Of course they're not going to be in jeans and jumpers, but some of the photos are degrading. And this is for a women's fashion magazine. I still recall the GQ awards covers - several men in tuxedos, and a naked Lana Del Ray sitting on the floor looking like the aftershow entertainment. Until we stop focusing on women's bodies over everything else, we can't blame young women for obsessing over every (even imaginary) imperfection.

Apparently the latest instagram craze is to prove your collarbones (female collarbones only of course) are sharp enough to hold a roll of coins in place. There is no body part on a young woman which can't be accused of being fat...

Gatorade women are always told that we never measure up no matter what we do.

It's not a first world problem. Not when it's a reality that women die in clinics and at home from starvation while scrutinizing their bodies for any trace of fat.

Then its the epitome of a first world problem. Women in the developing world don't die of self imposed starvation, they are too busy with the actual starvation.

If OP wanted to talk about societal pressure her daughters feel to be thin, thats fine. But what she did was scream and rave and blame all the other women who are just like her and her daughters . She sees a problem and seeks to blame the other victims of it in a downright crazy manner.

I think the OP expected a big wave of solidarity where we all saw the light and vowed to forever change our attitudes and love our own selves!

I just found the OP terribly over dramatic and annoying.

"Oh fuck off. Talk about first world problems. Stop whinging. Boo fucking hoo your daughters feel a bit fat. Maybe they are. Maybe not. But all teenagers, all people, not just women, question their body image. Normal. and part of life. There are worse things in the world."

I happen to think that a vibrant bright funny young woman starving to death with a full refrigerator sitting right in the next room is up there with the worst things in the world.

When I hear 'first world problem' it's usually preceded by 'Oh, broke an acrylic!', or 'My new Louboutins are too tight!' 'My balyage is a bit wonky!' Not 'so many women are literally killing themselves trying to live up to impossible standards, first world problem!'

I totally agree, actually. Most of us have bought into the lies about what we need to look like and it's damaging our children. I'm sorry your DDs feel this way and wish you all the best in continuing to encourage them they're beautiful

It's society's fault and as much as you've tried to protect your DDs from that, it doesn't always work. Keep being the voice that tells them they're beautiful, though, because even if they act like it doesn't make a difference, it really really does.

Maybe she did, Nicky. maybe not. Not in her head so who can say
However I do not think she expected nor deserved a torrent of abuse.
I notice she hasn't been back. I can't think why,

What a complete and utter self-centered weirdo.

Grow up and deal with it, like the rest of us.

So explain how it is my fault, and why it is necessary to be ranted at about causing all the problems
I don't buy fashion mags or newspapers, I can't be bothered with so called celebs and avoid them, I don't whine anywhere but the one set of threads that have helped me with my eating, I am not in contact with her dds, I actually think the healthy eating push by the government is twisted misinformation designed to keep the food industry happy, and am fed up of all the fast food/chocolate adverts on the tv. And oh for the love of god could someone go back to growing veg that taste of something instead of that watery tasteless or bitter tasting things they pretend is veg in supermarkets.

At the end of the day I am not responsible for the fact her daughters have issues, and there will be many out there who are in the same boat. To post so accusationally, especially whilst knowing that anger creates anger, seems a bit on the goady side to be honest. Like the OP was spoiling for a fight because she was angry, and tbh if I have been one of the early posters to the thread I would not have been so rational in my posts. The OP is angry with the world and the industry, but to take it out on mn posters in such a manner was seriously out of line and miscalculated. Had she came on with a different approach she would have had a reasonable response - eating disorders are well supported as a general rule. Had she come with a plan of attack to bring to the attention of the industry we are fed up and we want change, again she would probably have been supported. We do like to take on the news industry and try to get the change, I am sure we would be likely to tackle this issue. It could also be considered as an issue that mn got behind as it is a serious issue for girls and increasingly so for boys.

What is really the 1st world issue is the fact that the op felt they had the right to rant and accuse people she didn't know because she could. That her rant was not accountable. It's the words on a screen issue. She was called out on that. And rightly so. No one has the right to take their anger out on other people simply because they got in the way yep that is how it feels

I am passionate about eating issues, deficiencies because of too healthy diets, obese issues all sorts, but the opening op does not make me feel that I want to support the op, just the opposite. And for the record, not only do we need to change the industry but we could also do with increasing the professional support. Too many people can't access it soon enough for it to be most effective.

I don't think anyone deserves the abuse they get in AIBU. I confess I didn't read the entire thread so don't know how bad it was. I think the way it was written indicated a certain expectation and had she been a well known poster she'd probably have got it.