Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

To be really angry with each and everyone of you who has ever moaned about being 'fat'

281 replies

Lookatwhatyouvedone · 29/06/2015 19:39

I have daughters. I've worked for years at nurturing their self esteem, reassuring them. Loving them.

Still makes feck all difference to the voices in their heads that tell them that thin and flat, or better still non-existent, is beautiful and having curves is ugly. They are a normal weight. They exercise. They eat sensibly. They aren't happy with their shape. And I think it's all your fault. All of you. Every single one of you who's ever obsessed about your thighs or your tummy or your boobs. Ever single one of you who's bought in to the lie that we can never quite be good enough, could always lose a few pounds, tone a few inches.
Look at what you've done and you still keep doing it. Fat is the demon, thin is the goddess and not a thought for the destruction done. How many threads on here asking how you can reduce yourselves. Not because you actually want to but because you think you should. But it doesn't just harm you does it? It harms all of us and our daughters and our daughters not even born. We talk about the pressure society puts on women but that's bollocks. We are society and we do it to ourselves. You don't talk about being healthy, you talk about being thin.

I am so angry, SO ANGRY, that what I say can't outweigh the damage you've all done. Tomorrow I'm sure I'll be sensible and reasonable and calm and not like this but tonight I'm bloody angry.

OP posts:
SaucyJack · 29/06/2015 20:56

I don't want to change the status quo for all of the points that you've listed Sammasati......

I'm quite happy with my sex life, and I reject the notion that I should be shamed into the missionary position because women aren't supposed to like more adventurous sex.

Pumpkinpositive · 29/06/2015 20:56

I don't think name changing to post an angry, accusatory message was particularly productive or likely to spark salient debate, OP.

I'm sorry that your daughters are struggling with self esteem issues. Thanks

Wideopenspace · 29/06/2015 20:56

I am an HQ tempter Ghosty

They cannot withstand my ginsoaked ways..

Sammasati · 29/06/2015 20:56

Holy fuck do some of you really not understand what the op is talking about????

Really?

I can not believe how nasty some of these posts are.

Wideopenspace · 29/06/2015 20:57

I get it.

OttiliaVonBCup · 29/06/2015 20:58

Good point, Garlick.
It clearly is a touchy issue.

TheoriginalLEM · 29/06/2015 20:58

Its a shame that her point was missed. baaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!

paulapompom · 29/06/2015 20:58

I too have daughters, twins, 18, they don't obsess about weight or body image but then they don't have a mum that does. Media have a lot to answer for - who has put on/lost a pound or two this week, but me and my girls talk about these issues and hypocrisy. If something really offends us we contact the magazine /program and make a complaint. It might make a difference

Wideopenspace · 29/06/2015 20:59
StayWithMe · 29/06/2015 20:59

Nope. I offer no apology to the OP and I don't care if I'm seen as being unreasonable. You came on here slating females for being concerned about their weight, then consol yourself that you're right because a handful agree with you. What you said was nasty and goading, so you got a response you didn't like, tough. I just read a post and I didn't like the tone, so responded. Are you going to apologise to those that you upset or is this just one way?

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 29/06/2015 20:59

The irony is, that if your DD's aren't happy with their shape and have voiced that, then they are included in Lookatwhatyouvedone and your vilification , just like anyone else, according to you.

ToysRLuv · 29/06/2015 21:00

Sammasati: Agree. It is partly a societal problem and we, as active participants in it, should be more active in trying to change it. I curretly wish I had the courage not to shave my very hairy legs..

OttiliaVonBCup · 29/06/2015 21:00

It is for me, I had anorexia as in my late teens and that was the only time my mother didn't criticise my weight.
So OP is doing much better.

Lizzylou · 29/06/2015 21:00

Sorry, if op is talking about society, then address her post to society.
Noone likes being attacked, they very obviously come out fighting.
I am not svelte and have never been so, but whatever I am, I am in control, of me.
I don't think it is a coincidence that the op didn't come back for quite some time.

TheoriginalLEM · 29/06/2015 21:00

Accepts gin graciously! Sits in crazy judgy corner sipping gin with a straw, munching on a stick of celery dipped in chocolate

Sammasati · 29/06/2015 21:01

saucyjack I do believe you missed my point by a mile Hmm

It was the cohesion and negative shite aimed at women when they do do as they are told is what I was talking about.

I couldn't give a rats arse what consenting adults do.

rockybalboa · 29/06/2015 21:02

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

CrockedPot · 29/06/2015 21:03

It's the tone of the OP that upset people. We all know we have fucked up body image problems in the UK, we also know we have fucked up bodies. I don't know that answer to that, but I know that the tone of the OP was combative and inflammatory, and that's what people responded to.

Sammasati · 29/06/2015 21:04

Thank you wideopen for the gin
Ching Ching Wine Wine

Wideopenspace · 29/06/2015 21:05

I did an interesting workshop recently with some teens at school - it was all about body image.

One of the activities was about the alteration of media images of women.

WanderWomble · 29/06/2015 21:05

I am fat. Does that mean I'm allowed to use the word?

Garlick · 29/06/2015 21:08

Oooh, a stick of celery dipped in chocolate! Now there's an idea worth trying!

CrystalHaze · 29/06/2015 21:08

Fuck me!!! the vitriol on here is horrible, just horrible

You're not wrong. No need at all for such a nasty, goady OP, which was worded specifically to provoke a particular reaction.

The OP could have gone down the route of 'AIBU to hate what western society and media has done to my daughters' body image?', which could have opened up a healthy debate. She chose instead to launch an attack. Maybe she thought she was being clever or funny. If so, she misjudged it badly.

ghostyslovesheep · 29/06/2015 21:10

her point was only missed because it was shrouded in such vitriolic ranting seemingly aimed at people ON MN

Of course most people understand that body image issues are massive and damaging to women - we aren't stupid

we just don't need to be screamed at to get it either

being a recovered anorexic I GET IT ffs

but I don't like being shouted at, told off, apologised for or shamed - nice women on women behaviour that is!

Baguettes · 29/06/2015 21:10

The sad irony of this thread is the OP would have been met with mainly help and support had she worded her post in a more adult manner, instead of spraying us all with bile.