To be really angry with each and everyone of you who has ever moaned about being 'fat'

[Lookatwhatyouvedone]

I have daughters. I've worked for years at nurturing their self esteem, reassuring them. Loving them.

Still makes feck all difference to the voices in their heads that tell them that thin and flat, or better still non-existent, is beautiful and having curves is ugly. They are a normal weight. They exercise. They eat sensibly. They aren't happy with their shape. And I think it's all your fault. All of you. Every single one of you who's ever obsessed about your thighs or your tummy or your boobs. Ever single one of you who's bought in to the lie that we can never quite be good enough, could always lose a few pounds, tone a few inches.
Look at what you've done and you still keep doing it. Fat is the demon, thin is the goddess and not a thought for the destruction done. How many threads on here asking how you can reduce yourselves. Not because you actually want to but because you think you should. But it doesn't just harm you does it? It harms all of us and our daughters and our daughters not even born. We talk about the pressure society puts on women but that's bollocks. We are society and we do it to ourselves. You don't talk about being healthy, you talk about being thin.

I am so angry, SO ANGRY, that what I say can't outweigh the damage you've all done. Tomorrow I'm sure I'll be sensible and reasonable and calm and not like this but tonight I'm bloody angry.

why does it not help - it helped me to be told I was being stupid and looked like shit

the OP doesn't say they have eating disorders anyway

I have 2 beautiful daughters. DD1 is 22, slim and curvy. DD2, 17, is a tall beanpole. I am overweight and always moaning. They think i am beautiful and love me how i am. The both love to eat and are not obsessed with their size or shape. Don't come moaning to me about the hang-ups of your DD's.

I didn't recently join. I've been here for years. I namechanged because I'm angry and I know that anger breeds anger. Gotta say though I didn't realise quite how vicious some of you would be. I should have anticipated that I suppose.

allofaflumble, bolt of blue, roundtable, stealthpolarbear, ineedtimeoff, toyrsluv and those other posters who have looked past my anger and addressed the issue whilst courteously disagreeing with me - thank you.

Another thread where I find myself apologising for the rudeness you have endured.
People may not agree and you don't have to, but. It does not excuse targeted bad language and bad manners.

I sort of understand what the OP is trying to say, which is essentially that the message that thin is good is insidious and pervasive no matter what we do as parents. HOWEVER, blaming the entire female population is daft and divisive.

It is very hard to strike the right balance. On one hand of course you want to make sure they don't develop negative body image/eating disorders but at the same time promote a healthy lifestyle and ergo being a healthy weight. It's an incredibly fine line to walk.

OK OP, I understand that it is terrible to have DCs with hang ups, insecurities and a real body confidence issues, whether they are fat, thin, short, tall or whatever.

I am going to try and read your post in the way (that by a stretch of my imagination) you may have intended it, in that there are women/girls (in your case) that your daughters have come across, in the media, at school etc, that have talked about or have actually taken steps to what they would call 'improve themselves', when anyone else would say they were wonderful as they are.

These girls/women, already beautiful, healthy etc, by trying to improve on what they have, are by default teaching your daughters that natural beauty, a healthy weight etc is not enough, and they should strive to be better.

Well for that,YANBU, it is terrible how ideals are portrayed. However, your post, taken literally, would mean YABU.

Oh and body image issues are not limited to DDs. My DS 16 suffered terribly. I didn't blame the world though. I focused my energy on rebuilding him.

I think you need to read Fat is a Feminist Issue, then come back when you have educated yourself and calmed the f** down.

Oh, did it? sample of one

Oh you're back. At last .

Ummm - I think you are all taking this a bit literally and personally. I think that the general point that women as a group often pass down an unhealthy attitudes about weight to young girls (which they they pass to each other) is a perfectly valid one. I've seem it myself. The OP presumably doesn't literally mean that each one of you individually is specifically to blame for her daughter's attitudes.

So, OP - what would help?

OP, if your daughters have a Self Esteem issue, ask where they got that from

And have my very first

Pfft - seriously, you come back just to say "thanks for all those who said nice things to me, despite my obviously quite offensive, self-centered, unfounded opening post. The rest of you are big meanies for not being on board with my quite frankly, insensitive, rude and dismissive words". Yeah, ok, cheers for that. You're still unreasonable, your daughters are still not 'my' problem.

Yet another goady namechanger, very brave of you to shout at us and call us damaging OP. Back to normal name tomorrow to discuss where you should go on holiday?

Oh dear OP, get out of the wrong side of bed this morning, did we?

Have a lie down and look through a magazine/newspaper/Sunday supplement. Look particularly carefully at the fashion photographs. Or, if you prefer, switch on the TV and wait and see how long it is before an ad for something low fat or reduced sugar comes on.

I don't think I've ever met your dds, I certainly wouldn't bemoan the size of my thighs with a pair of teenagers, but I'll whinge on the internet whenever I fucking well like, thanks.

What an offensive OP!

Maybe your daughters actually are fat op? The modern day perception of a "normal" weight is often very skewed.

Whilst I sort of understand your pov, barrelling into MN and saying you are so angry makes you sound like a petulant child. Repost when you're feeling a bit more rational and we might be able to help you and your dds issues

Well I often moan about what a babe I am and how much unwanted attention it gets me. Really pisses people off.

But we all got our issues from the generation of women above us, who bleated on about their own weight problems (real or imagined) so we are victims of social conditioning just like your daughters are. Or if we are the perpetrators of a crime against the next generation of girls then so are they.

What you are asking is that we overcome our years of conditioning and low self esteem so that your DDs don't have to. Which is a bit of a big ask. Why don't you go and angry at your DDs for fucking up the self esteem of the next batch of teenagers behind them, instead of putting all the blame on us?

My first thought was that the OP's DDs had eating disorders, that's not Mumsnet's fault if that's the case. I've never moaned about being fat in my life, even when I was.

iliveinalighthouse please, do not ever apologise on my behalf. I'll do that if I need to. And I certainly don't here.

yes why blame women? surely this obsession with weight and perfection is a way of controlling and belittling women - it's suits wider society

Op your post is so very attention seeking and embarrassing . Go parent your daughters rather than taking it out on strangers who have nothing to do with their problems.