To be really angry with each and everyone of you who has ever moaned about being 'fat'

[Lookatwhatyouvedone]

I have daughters. I've worked for years at nurturing their self esteem, reassuring them. Loving them.

Still makes feck all difference to the voices in their heads that tell them that thin and flat, or better still non-existent, is beautiful and having curves is ugly. They are a normal weight. They exercise. They eat sensibly. They aren't happy with their shape. And I think it's all your fault. All of you. Every single one of you who's ever obsessed about your thighs or your tummy or your boobs. Ever single one of you who's bought in to the lie that we can never quite be good enough, could always lose a few pounds, tone a few inches.
Look at what you've done and you still keep doing it. Fat is the demon, thin is the goddess and not a thought for the destruction done. How many threads on here asking how you can reduce yourselves. Not because you actually want to but because you think you should. But it doesn't just harm you does it? It harms all of us and our daughters and our daughters not even born. We talk about the pressure society puts on women but that's bollocks. We are society and we do it to ourselves. You don't talk about being healthy, you talk about being thin.

I am so angry, SO ANGRY, that what I say can't outweigh the damage you've all done. Tomorrow I'm sure I'll be sensible and reasonable and calm and not like this but tonight I'm bloody angry.

[Sallystyle]

OP, I apologise.

I should have read between the lines a bit more.

I am sorry you are struggling and I am sorry I joined in on the bashing.

[CalmItKermit]

my dd has anorexia, she has no fat reserves at all, her heart could give out anytime.

Do I blame mn, no! Ive only had kind words and suPPort on here. All my feelings, time and energy are focused on getting dd better.

YABVU, this is from someone in the most dire of situations, ie waking in the morning and Praying that my dd will also wake.

[msgrinch]

I agree with stinkersmum. Don't apologise for me, I'm perfectly capable of apologising when I need and this isn't one of those situations.

[Wideopenspace]

Oh COME ON MNHQ!!!!




That usually works....

[msgrinch]

calmit, I am so sorry your daughter is going through such a hard time, anorexia is an awful illness. I hope she manages to get better. Thoughts with you and your family

[ghostyslovesheep]

I'm really sorry to read that CalmItKermit xxx

[PrimalLass]

OP: being overweight is unhealthy. I speak as an overweight person. But I'm less overweight and a lot fitter than I was, and can run around with my kids rather than sitting watching. I'm not sure whether you think we should just be fat and accept it.

My DD, at 7, loves junk food and is a bit chubby. I am shitting myself about doing/saying the wrong thing. But modelling that fat and lazy is ok, is not ok.

[TheoriginalLEM]

YANBU!!! from the rooftops!!

[Lizzylou]

I think it's a tad rich to post such a ridiculously goady and frankly immature (poss DM fishing trip) op and then flinch at the responses op.
I have no daughters, I have no sisters. All boys in my family (who can equally worry about their appearance). My weight has alway fluctuated massively, since I was a child, that's not anyone else's fault. I don't worry about it (actually I do, but not publicly in rl) frankly, it's no ones business but my own.
I am intelligent enough to realise that it's my body and my responsibility, I am never going to look like Kate Moss but then again I am never going to get smacked off my tits on heroin. Horses for courses.
I suggest you educate your daughters rather than posting such hysterical rubbish blaming women who you have never met. If you are not a DM journalist.

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

Lookatwhatyouvedone - I have terrible self esteem issues and depression, and it is hard enough combating these, and fighting away the desire to die, along with mt hatred of myself for my obesity (due in large part to the aforementioned issues).

And now I have to add guilt for your dds' body image too? Last straw. Thanks.

[YetAnotherHelenMumsnet]

Hi there,
thanks to those who have reported this thread, we have had a quick look and will remove anything that we think breaks our guidelines.
We wish your dd all the very best, Calmit.

[Momagain1]

Your daughter's, like almost all of us, will someday wish she was a thin as she was when she first thought she was 'fat' .

I wish there was a better answer. But if they have fallen into this trap, then that's to do with them.

When I was a teen, i read that a size 8 was the 'perfect' size. I thought i was fat, that my thighs and arse were thunderously huge. I wore a size 6!

[OttiliaVonBCup]

So what you're saying is fat is a society issue and we're all perpetuating it and your daughters have no choice but to join despite your efforts to bring them up to like their bodies.

You might be right up to a point.

I do feel better when I'm lighter though, esp. in this heat. so yes, I will be trying to lose some weight, just for me.

[NRomanoff]

Op, I was fat! Yes fat! Now I am not. I was one of the people who could and dos do something about it.

You are obviously angry. But my dd doesn't have weight issues, even though I hated being fat. The fact that your dds have issues lies closer to home. I think you know this, which is why you get so angry.

Fwiw parents who are normal weights can often pass on food issues and or self esteem problems too. Not just 'fat people who moan about being fat'.

Blaming every other woman in the world will not help you or your daughters. That's what you need to concentrate on

[Wideopenspace]

See, I knew the gin would work!

[Iliveinalighthousewith2friendl]

, love and thoughts to yourself and your DD, Calm.

[TheoriginalLEM]

Fuck me!!! the vitriol on here is horrible, just horrible. You should be ashamed of yourselves.

I know that there is always a pile on dictated by the first few posters but this is just bloody disgusting.

Of course the op isn't blaming mnet, she is blaming society and well, she is right isn't she.

She isn't saying that fat is healthy - fat isn't healthy, we all know that.

She is saying that her daughters, whilst from what she posts, sound like they are perfectly normal are already suffering from self esteem issues due to the demands of society.

OP i am with you - I say that as someone who is fat, having repeatedly had to listen to women who are a size 10 bleating on about being fat, looking gross in a bikini - well fuck that!! I don't care - I have great tits, a fat arse and a flabby belly. I do exercise and am surprisingly fit for my size, i would like to lose weight so that i am FITTER, but to fit into some ideal of how i should look? Fuck the fuck off!

[Sammasati]

boltofblue thank goodness someone else understands what the op was on about.

Fellow mn'ers the op was talking about society

Yes that means a collective.

society and it's female body ishooes

op i would like to throw a few more issues that I think that society needs to start looking at, pubic shaving for the approval of men, porn acts taken as the norm, the victim blaming when women wear clothes, the victim blaming when women don't wear clothes, the shaming that goes on when a woman/girl is fat/thin/spoty/hairy/etc, the crap that women and girls go through just to feel that they fit in. The violence and abuse that occurs when they try to be an individual

we are all a part of our society.

we have the power to change the status quo.

we make up half of the population, if we all stood up to this shit it would stop.

Ok rant over.

[whois]

Meh, I would think the OP is far more to blame for her daughters issues that 'we' are collectively.

[ouryve]

I've never met your daughters, TYVM.

And I am fat.

[ToysRLuv]

All the best to everyone with DC with eating disorders. Recovery can be hard, but having supportive parents helps. Anorexia is the deadliest psychiatric disorder, so I understand if parents are angry and frustrated at the world. The feeling of impotence is horrible.

I have suffered from all the known eating disorders at one time. Twenty years altogether. I maintain a normal weight, but "feel fat" a lot. I don't talk about this to anyone, least of all my son. I feel lucky that he is male, as it makes him getting an eating disorder less likely.

[Garlick]

I see your point, OP, and I think this thread proves it. The day when people can think about body shape & size without feeling disproportionately emotional is a long way off yet. It is upsetting to see children affected this way.

Here's hoping your daughters grow in confidence & self-appreciation!

[ghostyslovesheep]

you are a HQ baiter Wideopen