My feed

to access all these features


Picky guest. Rude and ill-mannered or within his rights?

896 replies

AddToBasket · 29/06/2015 17:34

Gah. I am throwing a themed dinner party for friends from a particular interest. (A bit like a medieval feast for people from a 12th Century interest group.) The menu is complicated and of the 'Take one plucked flamingo' school of recipes. It's a massive deal and will require military-like organisation to pull off but I'm looking forward to it.

It's at my house but I have a co-host. The partner of the co-host will not eat anything on the menu. There are four options for starter, five for main course, four for pudding. My co-host tells me he eat won't eat any of them.

He's not vegetarian or allergic, he just doesn't like vegetables or anything 'complicated'. I've been asked to serve a plain chicken breast. The menu includes a roast chicken salad (offensive because of watercress) and a plain couscous.

I think it's rude. AIBU?

OP posts:
CatOfTheGreenGlades · 29/06/2015 19:07

Ugh it's not cooking something PLAIN that's hard! It's fitting in an extra cooking task on top of the elaborate cooking that is the actual point of the event.

Of course it's not hard for OP who is obviously a capable cook to be doing this thing at all. Not wanting to do it is not a failure of cooking ability.

yellowdinosauragain · 29/06/2015 19:07

I'm with SGB too.

Being a 'fussy eater' whether that's down to plain fussiness, allergies, religion, sensory issues or whatever, fine.

Making that someone else's problem, not fine. Asking someone already cooking an elaborate meal to make something just for you = maybe pita.

Acknowledging it's YOUR issue and offering to sort out yourself or declining the invitation is the appropriate response, = not a pita but a considerate guest.

ethelb · 29/06/2015 19:07

Lashes you said earlier you asked people if it was possible to cook plain food, and that it was 'a simple yes or no question'. However, you do seem to be suggesting you won't take no for an answer and quite sarky in your suggestion that cooking something plain isn't too hard for the OP.

That isn't really adult behaviour imo and is pretty attention seeking. You seem quite entitled to being accomodated.

LashesandLipstick · 29/06/2015 19:08

How is ASKING being a pita? The host can say no...

WhereYouLeftIt · 29/06/2015 19:08

"My co-host won't be able to cook a chicken breast either. He's cooking the 13 dishes too! We're both needed to get everything together and onto the table. Pans and oven space are at a premium. "

So if he can't manage to do this for his partner - why does he think that you can?

ilovesooty · 29/06/2015 19:09

I think it's rude to create that kind of imposition for a meal like this. The hostess has a complex menu planned. The evening is geared to the theme and the food. She shouldn't even be put under pressure to respond to a request like this.

ethelb · 29/06/2015 19:10

Why has the co-host participated in designing a menu that her partner won't eat and then inviting him. She is partly responsible for the situation so should sort it out.

Lashes, asking is not a PITA. Being judgementally sarky and minimising the work of the chef when they do say no is a bit nasty and entitled.

CatOfTheGreenGlades · 29/06/2015 19:11

As a pp pointed out, asking is imposing because it's difficult for hosts to just say "no, bring your own" to guests.

Also it's not like he was invited to dinner and then let the hosts know he's veggie or can't eat wheat. That's obviously something they'd need to know.

It's coming to a fancy meal, the point of which is fancy food, declaring you can't eat ANY of it, and then wanting something special cooked for you which you could just get over yourself and bring.

Having food issues isn't in itself attention-seeking. But this man DOES sound attention-seeking.

Pumpkinpositive · 29/06/2015 19:11

In that case Lashes and Pumpkin you would surely not have accepted this kind of invitation and expected the host to accommodate these issues by means of additional cooking?

I wouldn't have a problem with the chicken on offer, liberated from the watercress or otherwise.

But for argument's sake, if I had a problem with it, I might feel still feel slightly bolder about asking for an alternative, given that my partner is the co-host. Especially, as I said earlier, because the bloke seems to be asking for a very plain alternative.

I do think he was bloody cheeky with his comments about the especially prepared macaroni cheese though. Rhubarb ice cream - even sitting here thinking about it gives me the dry boak, I'm afraid. So team Fuss Pot on that one.

As for bringing your own food, well that's all well and good, and I'd be happy to do so if I knew that nothing on offer would appeal to my palate. But some hosts take it really, really fucking badly if you offer to self cater at their meals. I have experienced would be hosts well nigh melt down in apoplexy at the merest hint I would bring my own dinner, no matter how many mea culpas I cravenly finessed the situation with.

LashesandLipstick · 29/06/2015 19:12

Ethel, I think it's a bit silly because something plain is easy. Yes there's lots of dishes but surely you can prepare the plain dish earlier?

That's not immature.

CardinalRed · 29/06/2015 19:12

Really, Nobody?
The whole point of the meal is elaborate unusual dishes. Not plain chicken.
He knows this, wants to come and wants OP to cook something in addition to the 13 courses. That's not on.

SolidGoldBrass · 29/06/2015 19:12

Look, if you are a precious fucking snowflake about your food, why on earth would you accept an invitation to an event that is all about elaborate food in the first place? See your friends another time rather than stress out your hosts by making it All About You.

LashesandLipstick · 29/06/2015 19:13

Sooty if people aren't strong enough to say no that's not my problem

CardinalRed · 29/06/2015 19:13

Asking for extra, plain food at this feast is like asking a vegetarian to cook meat!

IShallCallYouSquishy · 29/06/2015 19:13

Our guest recently was a vegetarian. Fine, no problem at all.
Who also doesn't eat carbs or sugar.

WTF?! How the hell do I cater for that?!?!
Eggs and cheese.

Mehitabel6 · 29/06/2015 19:13

I can't think why it is even up for discussion- you just say 'no problem , I will leave you to bring your own'.

LashesandLipstick · 29/06/2015 19:14

SGB it's not making it all about you, as I said previously personally I hate people drawing attention to it.

Sorry if I don't feel people should miss out due to food issues

Devora · 29/06/2015 19:14

I"m an embarrassingly fussy eater, too. But you have to balance food issues with social graces, surely. I will tell hosts in advance I am vegetarian, as that avoids most of the problems, but beyond that I will suck it up - force myself to eat it or just concentrate on the bits that aren't so hard. I've had hosts who have forgotten and served me meat and even then I will try to eat it unless it's shellfish.

I go to great efforts to stop my lifelong eating problems causing difficulties for other people. In return, I'd as soon they didn't tell me I'm a big baby Smile

But YANBU, OP, he sounds unspeakably rude.

SayThisOnlyOnce · 29/06/2015 19:14

Co-host-partner is like someone with a dislike (or secret unmentioned phobia) of water accepting an invitation to a swimming party then asking for things to be adapted for them.

If you don't like the point of the occasion don't go!

'Ooh lovely an 80s party, can you play One Direction all night coz I can't stand Madonna?'

OP unless you are going to drip feed this is a meal for the Society Of Fussy Bastards, YANBU

ilovesooty · 29/06/2015 19:15

Lashes your last comment is so breathtakingly rude and self centred I hardly know where to start.

ilovesooty · 29/06/2015 19:16

The one at 19.13 I mean.

Spadequeen · 29/06/2015 19:16

I'm a fussy eater too but no way is this guest being reasonable. Yes it's lovely when hosts are able to accommodate my fussiness (I'm not that bad really) but its my problem to deal with not theirs, especially if they're going to a great effort as you are.

Tell them to bring their own bloody meal as there won't be time to do something for them. And it's down to your co host to sort, not you.

CatOfTheGreenGlades · 29/06/2015 19:17

Surely if you don't want it to be all about you then you'd quietly bring your own food and politely explain!?

Asking someone in OP's position to make something extra just for you is making it all about you, in a way it doesn't need to be.

ethelb · 29/06/2015 19:17

Lashes not necessarily as the host has to find extra time, which she has explained she does not have, and extra space to prepare and store as well as potentially further cost. No one is obliged to accomodate you. If they do it is a favour and you shouldn't sneer if someone says no. It is very entitled. You can't volunteer other people's time and effort for your benefit. Surely that is the basis of good manners?

How often do you prepare separate dishes for dietary requirements when preparing food for large groups? It's an honest question, a lot of people I have met who share these views have rarely taken much responsibility when hosting ime.

Bakeoffcake · 29/06/2015 19:19

I'm very Confused

Yes he's a fussy pain in the backside but if you're making a chicken salad, you're already making plain chicken- just give him that without the salad!

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.