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Picky guest. Rude and ill-mannered or within his rights?

896 replies

AddToBasket · 29/06/2015 17:34

Gah. I am throwing a themed dinner party for friends from a particular interest. (A bit like a medieval feast for people from a 12th Century interest group.) The menu is complicated and of the 'Take one plucked flamingo' school of recipes. It's a massive deal and will require military-like organisation to pull off but I'm looking forward to it.

It's at my house but I have a co-host. The partner of the co-host will not eat anything on the menu. There are four options for starter, five for main course, four for pudding. My co-host tells me he eat won't eat any of them.

He's not vegetarian or allergic, he just doesn't like vegetables or anything 'complicated'. I've been asked to serve a plain chicken breast. The menu includes a roast chicken salad (offensive because of watercress) and a plain couscous.

I think it's rude. AIBU?

OP posts:
DejaVuAllOverAgain · 29/06/2015 18:53

If it were just a normal dinner party with one option for each course then I'd say it wouldn't be too hard to stick a chicken breast in but it's not. You're cooking 13 dishes, including 5 main courses, so he should bring his own. If you can make a separate dish of salad without the watercress in advance then do so but that's about as far as I'd go.

Respect to you for even trying this. I'd be a quivering wreck in the corner at even just the thought of it Grin

ilovesooty · 29/06/2015 18:54

Zebra the OP has explained that this isn't possible.

LashesandLipstick · 29/06/2015 18:54

Tendon, at least for me, if food has touched other food it's "tainted" and therefore ruined. I can also taste when foods have touched, again not uncommon in people with sensory issues.

FixItUpChappie · 29/06/2015 18:55

OP will probably have her stover burners and oven space full with so much already on the menu - and timing is important when sorting out a feast.

It is rude IMO to even ask if the host minds cook something else - they are likely to say yes just to be polite but really it is an imposition. The person with the food issue should just bring something for themselves and let the host know its nothing personal - they have some food hangups but still wanted to enjoy the fabulous company.

I wish I had friends who threw this kind of meal - sounds fun OP!

Pumpkinpositive · 29/06/2015 18:55

I am a "fussy" eater. As for all the, "man up and just force yourself to eat it" type comments you often get (not necessarily on this thread), I have a very strong gag reflex.

Attempting to swallow something that tastes disgusting/repulses me visually is likely to result in immediately spewing it up. I find avoiding foods likely to trigger this reaction a preferable state of affairs to the alternative.

If that makes me a "fussy/attention seeking/controlling/PITA/adult baby/knob/3 year old" (have I missed anything??) then hey, who'd want me at their dinner party anyway??

Win, win for the host. Sad

NobodyLivesHere · 29/06/2015 18:56

He wants to come for the company. Just serve him what he likes.

ilovesooty · 29/06/2015 18:58

In that case Lashes and Pumpkin you would surely not have accepted this kind of invitation and expected the host to accommodate these issues by means of additional cooking?

TendonQueen · 29/06/2015 18:59

OK, Lashes, but then I would have thought bringing your own food is the best way to deal with that as then the person can make absolutely sure it doesn't touch anything else that would make it uneatable for them.

LashesandLipstick · 29/06/2015 19:00

Sooty I don't see why I, or this guy should not see my friends. It's not that difficult to make plain food, if it was I'd just bring my own

And for people saying its attention seeking I hate attention being drawn to it it makes me feel awkward. I'd rather people just didn't talk about it instead of going "OOOH are you sure? Why not try this? Go on its lovely!" No piss off.

Stitchintime1 · 29/06/2015 19:01

If I were that fussy I'd just take eating out of the picture. Just show up and chat. Eat my own stuff before or after.

Totality22 · 29/06/2015 19:01

Has the OP confirmed that this person does have sensory issues with food? (as opposed to just being plain fussy)

I'd buy a chicken breast portion - they do them in all the main supermarkets, usually with all the sarnies and lunch stuff - and I'd serve cold.

BreakWindandFire · 29/06/2015 19:01

If the theme is medieval, hand him a microwave porridge and tell him it's gruel. Grin

LashesandLipstick · 29/06/2015 19:01

Tendon that's usually what I do but some people consider THAT rude. Can't win

TendonQueen · 29/06/2015 19:01

Continuing - it might be possible to control that more easily in a smaller gathering with less complicated cooking, but in this context, if I had those issues I'd want to bring my own food as self-protection.

SolidGoldBrass · 29/06/2015 19:01

If those of you with food issues would demand someone already cooking an elaborate meal prepare an extra, special dish just for you, then you are a spoilt baby and a PITA. Even more so when the meal is for a group which you do not belong to and are only invited because your partner is a participant. Decline the invitation or supply your own food.

ilovesooty · 29/06/2015 19:02

Actually Lashes in this case it is difficult which is why the person should have the courtesy to offer to bring his own food.

CatOfTheGreenGlades · 29/06/2015 19:02

Pumpkin as many pps have said you can have food issues and not be any of those things.

You can simply acknowledge that your host has enough to do and offer to bring your own food.

I don't think anyone on this thread has suggested he man up and force himself to eat something he can't eat. They've suggested he man up and bring something instead of imposing his fussiness on already very busy hosts.

pictish · 29/06/2015 19:02

I agree SGB.

PHANTOMnamechanger · 29/06/2015 19:02

pumpkin genuine Q, what would you do then, faced with an invitation to OPs do. Turn it down, politely, or take your own food, or demand special catering just for you?

LashesandLipstick · 29/06/2015 19:03


"Is it possible to cook this for me? If not can I bring my own?"

Yeah I'm a real PITA about it. Hmm they can always say no if cooking something PLAIN really is THAT hard...

LashesandLipstick · 29/06/2015 19:04

Sooty bringing his own would be fine but I don't think he was wrong to ask

NobodyLivesHere · 29/06/2015 19:04

Take one of the complicated meals off the menu and cook the man a chicken breast.

ilovesooty · 29/06/2015 19:04

I don't think you should even be asking.

specialsubject · 29/06/2015 19:04

if you don't like Indian food, you don't go to an Indian restaurant.

if your food is this restricted, you need to bring your own. Life is too short to be this much hard work.

LashesandLipstick · 29/06/2015 19:05

Sooty why? If you don't ask you don't know

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