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Picky guest. Rude and ill-mannered or within his rights?

896 replies

AddToBasket · 29/06/2015 17:34

Gah. I am throwing a themed dinner party for friends from a particular interest. (A bit like a medieval feast for people from a 12th Century interest group.) The menu is complicated and of the 'Take one plucked flamingo' school of recipes. It's a massive deal and will require military-like organisation to pull off but I'm looking forward to it.

It's at my house but I have a co-host. The partner of the co-host will not eat anything on the menu. There are four options for starter, five for main course, four for pudding. My co-host tells me he eat won't eat any of them.

He's not vegetarian or allergic, he just doesn't like vegetables or anything 'complicated'. I've been asked to serve a plain chicken breast. The menu includes a roast chicken salad (offensive because of watercress) and a plain couscous.

I think it's rude. AIBU?

OP posts:
GERTI · 29/06/2015 19:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ethelb · 29/06/2015 19:20

Ishallcallyousquishy we had a Kosher, dairy free, starch free guest at our wedding. We did cater for her but it was a ball ache and the caterers were quite flustered by it. I had secretly hoped they would offer to bring their own food...

LashesandLipstick · 29/06/2015 19:20

Sooty no it isn't. People can say no. If they can't say no that's not my fault

Ethel but the oven is already on, how much space would a chicken take up really?

I'm used to cooking seperate meals we all eat seperate meals in my house. I have a family full of ASD, so it's really normal for us.

FadedRed · 29/06/2015 19:21

Ooh err Zebra - he probably wouldn't like your breastfeeding, if he is that fussy, but nice to offer....... Grin Grin

Pumpkinpositive · 29/06/2015 19:21

I don't think anyone on this thread has suggested he man up and force himself to eat something he can't eat.

Which is why I specified I wasn't referring to this thread but making a general comment on things us "adult babies" tend to hear in civvie street.

pumpkin genuine Q, what would you do then, faced with an invitation to OPs do. Turn it down, politely, or take your own food, or demand special catering just for you?

I've answered this in my last post, but ideally, I would like to be able to bring my own food to parties where I know I won't like the food.

However, I've had hosts literally froth at me for suggesting this. Like I was implying something about their cooking. Even when I was all, Dear John, it's not you, it's me.

So it's not black and white. Some hosts, possibly the OP, would be happier for their guest to bring a bag. Other hosts might be really offended.

It's not always black and white.

ilovesooty · 29/06/2015 19:21

As I said Lashes - rude.

ImperialBlether · 29/06/2015 19:22

I agree, ilovesooty. Not exactly endearing, is it?

StatisticallyChallenged · 29/06/2015 19:22

TBH, I think when a host is doing a really elaborate meal then asking her to produce yet another meal is unreasonable. I go out of my way to make my food issues (asd related) not other people's problem. If it's a meal out I check the restaurant menu in advance and if there's nothing which I would be comfortable with then I don't go. If it's someone's house then I don't ask for anything in general. My best friends know and would check ahead of time, and for a bigger dinner party I just muddle through.

We stayed with PIL for several days - they know I have ASD and asked about food but the response was along the lines of "these are the things stat doesn't eat but please don't worry if you want to have them during our stay as she'll happily just make herself toast/a sandwich/some cereal."

ImperialBlether · 29/06/2015 19:23

OP, why is your co-host putting this on you? Why doesn't he just say, "My partner's fussy and won't eat what we're cooking, so I'll bring something for him."?

MrsMauriceMoss · 29/06/2015 19:23

Buy him a happy meal. The toy will keep him busy too.

ilovesooty · 29/06/2015 19:24

Thanks Imperial Flowers

ethelb · 29/06/2015 19:24

But 13 courses for a large group of people Lashes? Its not really the same as a family of dietary requirements you are used to.

As you have said you don't want the chicken touching anything else, quite a lot of room I imagine.

LashesandLipstick · 29/06/2015 19:25

Sooty why is that rude? People should speak plainly

Statistically I used to feel similar but I decided I was fed up of feeling embarrassed and shit about something I can't help.

BathshebaDarkstone · 29/06/2015 19:25

I have a friend who eats no fruit, and no vegetables apart from peas. Shock I just wouldn't invite him.

CardinalRed · 29/06/2015 19:26

I don't feel people should miss out due to food issues

But you don't have a problem with putting an extra burden on a person who is slaving over a 13 course dinner party by thinking it is reasonable they should find time to cook a plain chicken breast, rather than the fussy person bringing their own as they aren't going to be participating in the feast anyway?

That's just selfish.

MissDemelzaCarne · 29/06/2015 19:26

Why is this your problem rather than your co-host's? Confused

LashesandLipstick · 29/06/2015 19:26

Ethel 13 courses IS a lot but surely the chicken can be prepared before?

Pumpkinpositive · 29/06/2015 19:27

OP, why is your co-host putting this on you? Why doesn't he just say, "My partner's fussy and won't eat what we're cooking, so I'll bring something for him."?

Yeah, I don't really follow why the partner isn't on chicken duty. Surely the man's partner is best placed to cater to his needs? Confused

ethelb · 29/06/2015 19:27

Lashes, because you aren't very happy when people speak plainly to you and say no, it is too much hard work. It works both ways you know.

ilovesooty · 29/06/2015 19:27

So Lashes you actually think it's acceptable to put people in a position where they might feel a sense of embarrassment when refusing?

Do you take the notion that if people can't say no it's their fault to other areas of life?

balletgirlmum · 29/06/2015 19:28

Wow, reading this thread has been hard. So much intolerance. I feel like I should never accept any invitations.

Am already feeling awful that ds can't go to the Year 6 Leavers meal (At a Chinese restaurant) because of me. He's not allowed to go without a parent & the restaurant won't allow me to go & not order.

reup · 29/06/2015 19:29

Why can't he just have some if the roast chicken pre-salad?

LashesandLipstick · 29/06/2015 19:29


My thinking is

  • oven is already on
  • chicken breast requires no effort
  • OP already making chicken

Obviously I wouldn't request an elaborate meal but I think something plain is okay. The host can always say "no bring your own"
ethelb · 29/06/2015 19:29

Lashes, not if all of the time already given over to this is used up. What if there is no time 'before'. You are assuming that there is time available, that the host is willing to devote to you. It is selfish.

LashesandLipstick · 29/06/2015 19:30

Ethel providing they won't say it's rude of me to bring my own I won't really care

Sooty I don't think much of people who don't speak their mind

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